Listen to all the little warnings you get, not only around strangers on the street, but also in relationships as well. Little hints become bigger hints; small behaviors turn into larger ones. And if you don’t pay attention to the clues, something bad is bound to happen. While women are often on the receiving end of domestic abuse, men can be victims as well (for example, John Wayne Bobbitt). The most important thing you can do if you are in an abusive relationship is to get away from the perpetrator immediately before things get worse.
One of the factors that may influence these differences between men and women is in the way in which adrenaline affects the genders. When men are confronted with extreme emotional or violent situations, their adrenaline kicks off like a rocket, surging quickly and dissipating rapidly afterward as well. In a home invasion situation, for example, when the male homeowner shoots the suspect, the killing is likely to take place near the front door. When police officers arrive, they will typically find that the suspect has been shot perhaps two or three times, just enough to make sure he’s no longer a threat.
Women, on the other hand, get a much slower, longer lasting adrenaline surge. It takes longer to get going and dissipates a lot more slowly than you find in men. In that same home invasion scenario, police often find the dead robber in a back bedroom where he had chased and cornered the female homeowner. But here’s the kicker. Rather than shooting him a couple of times she’s emptied the gun into him, perhaps even reloading and doing it again. Interesting difference, huh?
Listen to all the little warnings you get. Intimates can be just as hazardous to your health and wellbeing as strangers. Little hints can become bigger hints; small behaviors can turn into larger ones. Pay attention and be safe.
She thrust the knife downward into his heart with both hands. Then she pulled it out and slammed it in again… and again, and again, and again, and again, and then once more for good measure. And then she left the house.
Summary
The following is a brief recap of the content you have read in this section.
• Self-defense begins with the concept of situational awareness, the ability to spot trouble before it can reach you. Any time you are near others it pays to be vigilant. Bad guys want easy prey, oblivious folks who never see them coming and can’t or won’t fight back. As a result, tough, prepared targets are usually left alone in favor of easier victims. You cannot, however, walk around in a constant state of hyper-vigilance or paranoia. It’s neither healthy nor prudent. Consequently, self-defense experts often use a color code system that defines appropriate levels of awareness to help you strike the right balance, pay attention to what’s important, and keep yourself safe. The colors themselves are far less important than the overall concept—different levels of awareness are appropriate for different situations.
• No matter how aware you might be, it still takes two to tango. Sometimes your worst enemy when it comes to self-defense is yourself. If you’ve got a chip on your shoulder or an ego that you simply can’t keep in check, you’re pointing a loaded gun at your own head. Escalato is the cycle of one-upmanship that inevitably leads to physical violence unless one party is willing to lose face and back down. While it’s a game that’s really easy to get caught up in, it’s also one that you really don’t want to play if you’re smart. Even if the other guy is a complete ass, it is far better to walk away than it is to fight to prove that you are right.
• Criminals, bullies, and thugs do not want to fight—they want to win. And they’re downright eager to cheat their way to victory because they don’t want to get hurt in the process. They prey on the naive and unobservant, weaklings and fools who make easy, profitable targets. Before they strike, these guys look you over to be sure that they have a pretty darn good chance to succeed. The less you look and act like a victim during this interview process, the safer you will be.
• There is always some type of escalation that precedes physical violence, even a really short one. Sometimes it is obvious while other times it takes place solely in the mind of the aggressor. Nevertheless, some sort of clue precedes the attack. By understanding these threat indicators, you will have a better opportunity to avoid confrontations altogether, or where necessary, defend yourself effectively. If you miss these signs, you will have a tough time responding to sudden violence. While you are still trying to wrap your head around what is happening, you will find yourself getting hurt. Once you have been injured, it’s pretty tough to respond effectively.
• While predators need a good size pool of victims from which to choose, they cannot operate in highly public places for fear of getting caught. Consequently, fringe areas adjacent to public places are where the majority of violent crimes occur. This includes areas such as parking lots, alleyways, bus stations, subways, bathrooms, stairwells, ATM kiosks, and the like. In order to initiate an attack, the adversary must be close enough to strike. It is important to understand how the bad guys, bullies, and thugs might close distance, recognizing their tactics before their trap is sprung.
• Calling in support might preclude the need to fight. The imminent arrival of law enforcement officers or a large group of your friends changes the equation in your adversary’s eyes. Suddenly you are no longer a hopeless victim, but rather a well-protected target.
• Self-defense requires more than just physical skills. What you say can be even more important than what you do when confronted by a potential adversary. Clever words can de-escalate a tense situation, stave off bloodshed until help arrives, or momentarily distract an opponent to facilitate your counterattack and escape. On the other hand, having to be right at any cost, reacting indignantly in the face of a threat, or insulting an adversary often guarantees that a conflict will escalate into violence. It goes both ways. Words cannot be used against you unless you give them power. If you let insults or name-calling make you angry, they knock you off your mental equilibrium, leaving you vulnerable.
• If you are in error about something, admit it. Honesty is a much better way to de-escalate a bad situation than lying or stubbornly refusing to acknowledge a wrong. You can usually tell when someone knows they are wrong because they begin to make the argument personal. It is tough on the ego to admit fault, but it sure beats eating through a straw because you got your jaw busted when your face was pounded in. Similarly, giving the other guy a face-saving way out affords him the opportunity to back down gracefully too. Put his back up against the wall and he may feel forced to lash out.
• A clear intent to defend yourself can oftentimes cut short a fight before it begins. Your words and demeanor must convince your adversary that he’s picked on the wrong guy. It is critical that you take steps to ensure that your message is heard, particularly when emotions are running hot.
• Don’t be anxious for a fight. It’s all well and good to dream about how tough you are, yet the ferocious brutality of a street fight is light years beyond any boxing match or martial arts tournament you may have won. Slickly choreographed Hollywood films only exacerbate the fantasy of what true violence entails. Beware these misconceptions. Don’t confuse sports with combat or misconstrue entertainment with reality.
• Never underestimate the fighting intelligence of your opponent. There is a reason this guy is picking on you. He not only thinks he can win, but has done so before. Either that or he’s a delusional head case, drug addict, or drunk, a trait that in certain circumstances may be even worse. Nevertheless, mental toughness often trumps physical size or strength in a fight. For example, Audie Murphy was turned down by two other branches of the military because he was too small and underweight. After finally enlisting in the Army, Murphy went on to become the most decorated United States combat soldier of World War II. Don’t underestimate the fighting intelligence of your opponent.
• When it comes to self-defense, it is critical to pay attention to the subtle clues around you. Watch for people who look out of place or act in an unusual manner. Look for other people’s reactions to things you may have missed as well. Pay attention to sounds and smells as well as visual cues. Take nothing for granted.
• Little things are often important—little time, little movements. Through keen observation, you might spot a weapon or discover hostile intent before it is too late to react. During a fight, you might be able to take advantage of terrain, weather conditions, escape routes, or impromptu weapons if you pay attention to those important details
