Jail Bird

all blew up over Leo’s killing and her involvement with him.

Matt, the poor bastard, toiling away over his books and adding up columns of figures for the firm to keep Adrienne in clover. Had she been grateful? Lily didn’t think so. She’d mocked him to her friends. Laughed publicly about the size of his prick. Really, that wasn’t nice. And maybe – maybe –Matt had been more aware of his wife’s behaviour than any of them had realized. Studious Matt, wearing thick glasses; not bad looking but, oh God, such a boring little man. Small wonder Adrienne had looked elsewhere for her excitement, and wanted to cling to it – and keep it to herself.

Jack had done his bit. He’d traced Leo’s other women for a second time, presented them to Lily on a plate. And now…what? She’d got nowhere, really. All she’d done was make herself feel sick to her stomach at the thought of what a meek, silly little homebody she had been, while Leo had been out on the lash, indulging his huge sex drive with all these other women.

Lily swam to the edge of the pool and hauled herself out. She was tired. Christ, it had been a quieter life in jail. Nothing to think about; nothing much to worry over. Whereas out here, she was overwhelmed with it all. And, feeling overwhelmed, she longed to call Nick, longed to see him.

But that looks too needy, she thought.

Although she felt needy, she knew she couldn’t show it. And she still wasn’t sure whether he could be truly trusted or not – after all, he’d kept Julia’s disfigurement from her, hadn’t he?

God, she was tired. She climbed out of the pool, planning to grab a quick shower and then get an early night.

She awoke in darkness with the usual sense of displacement. In prison? No. No noises of the druggies banging around in their cages, no soft tread of the screws passing by. It took her a moment or two to place herself, to remember where she was. She was home. But not in the master bedroom, not in their bedroom.

Something had woken her up.

Someone talking? Maybe Saz or Oli passing by on the landing…but the landing light was off, she could see nothing but darkness when she looked towards the door. There was no telltale crack of light at the base of it.

Lily sat up, switched on the bedside light. Something had disturbed her, jolted her out of sleep. She looked at the clock. It was a quarter to four in the morning. Someone moving about? Voices. Someone talking. A woman’s voice? Then someone tapped at the door and her heart kicked into a gallop.

‘Who is it?’ she called out.

‘It’s me,’ came back the quiet reply. ‘Richard.’

Ah. The semi-invisible bridegroom. And what the hell was he doing tiptoeing around the place in the dead of night?

She could hear the voice again, droning out the same thing over and over.

A female voice, high with distress…or was it a child’s voice? She felt a shiver of fear. What the hell?

She threw on a robe and hurried over to the door and opened it.

Richard was standing there in sleeping shorts and nothing else. He was bleary-eyed, his hair sticking up all over the place. He had one hand to his head. He looked worried.

‘I saw your light go on,’ he said.

‘What’s up?’ asked Lily.

‘It’s…’

And now Lily could hear the voice more clearly, and she could hear snatches of what it was saying. Daddy?

‘…It’s Saz. She’s done this before, a couple of times. Before we got married, I’d stay over sometimes, and she did this then: it freaked me out.’

‘Where is she?’ Now Lily felt anxiety grip her. What was wrong, was Saz ill? Delirious?

‘In the master suite,’ said Richard, and started to walk that way.

‘What the hell’s she doing in there?’ asked Lily as she followed. ‘That room’s locked.’

‘She went down and got the key from the study. I followed her.’

Oli’s door came open across the hall. She peered out, her tousled hair like a wild dark halo around her sleepy face. ‘What’s going on?’ she yawned.

‘Saz is in the master suite,’ said Lily, and Richard pushed open the door.

‘Oh Daddy, I’m so sorry. I’m sorry, Daddy, I’m so sorry,’ Saz was saying loudly in that weird singsong voice.

‘Jesus,’ said Oli, coming out into the hall.

She followed Richard into the master suite, with Lily behind her.

Saz was kneeling by the bed, her hands clasped as if in prayer. The wall behind the bed was pink with fresh plaster.

Richard said gently: ‘Saz? Honey?’

Lily stepped around the bed so that she could see Saz’s face. It was turned up to the ceiling, and her eyes were open…but seeing nothing.

‘She’s sleepwalking,’ said Oli softly. ‘She’s asleep.’

Lily looked at Saz. It was spooky. She was there…but not there at all. She wasn’t aware that they were standing around her. Her brain was playing out some private movie scene that they weren’t a part of.

‘Oh Daddy, please forgive me, I’m so sorry,’ Saz was intoning, like a prayer.

Forgive her for what? wondered Lily.

‘You said you’ve heard voices in here before,’ said Lily to Oli.

‘Yeah, I…’ Oli put a hand to her mouth. ‘Jesus! It was Saz, it was this. She scared me shitless, the silly mare. I thought I was losing it.’

So did I, thought Lily.

‘Look,’ said Oli, suddenly brisk. ‘You mustn’t wake her up. I read that about sleepwalkers. You have to just guide them back to bed.’

Richard bent over his wife and gently gripped her shoulders. Saz fell silent.

The silence was even spookier than her endless droning, Sorry, sorry Daddy, sorry.

Saz was now standing up and Richard was guiding her back to the door. Her eyes were open, but she still wasn’t seeing them.

Sorry for what? thought Lily again, and into her mind came a vision of long-ago happy days, of Leo teaching Saz to shoot clays out in the grounds. Saz had become a really good shot.

Sorry for what?

Saz could easily lift a shotgun, even as a child.

Lily watched Richard guide Saz tenderly back to their room. She kissed Oli a brief goodnight, and then stood there in the hall and thought, Oh fuck me, no, it can’t be.

But…sorry for what?

52

She dreamed again that night. Mercy going back to Kingston, back to her home and kids. It was a happy scene, but Lily knew that the flowers, the party, the giggles, the fond reunions, were all a lie because she had heard on the prison grapevine that Mercy had been shot dead within a week of arriving home, killed by the same dealer she’d once been a reluctant drug mule for.

For Mercy, there had been no happy ending.

For Lily, there was just the daily grind, the endless grind…but it would end, wouldn’t it, one day? In her heart she couldn’t believe it, but in her head she knew it had to be true.

Rumours abounded in Holloway, and besides the sad news about Mercy she heard other things, scary things: that the remaining King brothers were going to get her while she was in stir, make her pay in blood for Leo’s death.