speechless at the waste of it, could merely shrug and shake my head like some disappointed pensioner. But Grushko's soul was made of more extrovert stuff. He said it as he saw it and, truth to tell, at the time the words from Pushkin's epic poem, Eugene Onegin did not seem so affected as they do when I recall them now:
The storm is over, dawn is paling, the bloom has withered on the bough; the altar flame's extinguished now.
Nikolai lit a couple of cigarettes and handed one to Grushko.
Come on, sir,' he said. Let's go home. It's all over.'
Grushko gave him a baleful sort of look and Nikolai shrugged philosophically.
Well, until the next time anyway,' he added.
Grushko sucked hard on the cigarette.
Nikolai Vladimirovich,' he said, you've been reading my bloody horoscope.'
24
Nina Milyukin had not mistaken Grushko. She had recognised him for what he was, a man of one book the Book of the Law and Morals as he saw it, without benefit of equity, without mercy. Beware of a man of one book. That was how I began this story and now I must explain why.
A few days after we had arrested the Ukrainians he must have telephoned Nina and arranged to meet her at Mikhail's grave in Volkov Cemetery. I can't imagine that it would have been her idea to meet him there. That must have been part of his design. Did she guess what he wanted to say to her? I think she must have done. Perhaps she may even have thought that Grushko was one of them. After all, he was a Colonel of Militia. But if she did think that then she was quickly disabused of that idea.
He found her laying a single carnation one was usually all that anyone could afford on the bare earth covering Mikhail Milyukin's coffin. Before she knew he was there he tossed the file he had brought with him beside her flower. Nina recognised it immediately. The sword and the shield stamped on the file's buff cover were notorious. But she did not pick it up. She looked at the file almost as if it would have burned her to touch it.
I thought that you might like to dispose of this yourself,' said Grushko. Now that he's dead it would seem that they have no further use for you.'
They?' she said pointedly.
Oh no,' said Grushko, shaking his head, not me. I've never been part of that.' He lit a cigarette and watched her as, reluctantly, she bent down to pick the file up.
You know, I couldn't work out why you were being so reticent with us. I mean, there we were trying to find your husband's killers and you said nothing. But of course when I saw that file everything suddenly started to make sense. It's shame that makes one silent, isn't it?'
They gave this to you?' she said angrily. Just like that? I don't believe it.'
I had the very same thought myself,' said Grushko. How could you do it? How could you spy on your friends, on your own husband?'
It's easy to ask that now,' she said bitterly. A lot of people can be brave in retrospect. But believe me, it wasn't so easy to say no to the KGB.' Her eyes flashed. I've had to live with the fear of them all my life. Virtually the first thing I remember being scared of were the people who arrested my father.'
That's a nice story,' said Grushko, but it doesn't explain how you came to work for them.'
You've read the file,' she sighed.
Yes, but it says you were passing them information as long ago as 1974, when you were still a student. That's a long time.'
They said that they had proof that my mother was a dissident: that she regularly passed on copies of forbidden books. You think I was going to let them send her away too?' Nina shook her head. It wasn't unusual, what I did. You should know that.'
She opened her handbag and took out a packet of cigarettes. She lit one and smoked it without much enjoyment.
For a while after university they left me alone. I was never that useful to them. I'm not the kind of person who ever remembers what anyone has said. But then, after I married Mikhail, they contacted me again. They said they would stop him from working because he was a Jew. Well, don't you see? He could never have stood that. His work was his whole life. It was only little stuff, nothing important: foreign journalists Mikhail knew. What they were saying. Who they met. But after a year or two Mikhail noticed something, I think. He never said anything, but I'm sure he suspected something.'
That's why he became secretive with you about his work, isn't it?' said Grushko. It wasn't because he didn't want you to worry about him. It was because he wasn't sure if he could trust you or not.'
You see?' she shrugged. In a way, I was telling you the truth. I really didn't know anything after all.'
So then what happened?'
If Mikhail went out, he didn't tell me where he was going, or who he was seeing. Nobody came back to the flat. I stopped being much use to them. So they went after Mikhail himself. They wanted him to spy on an English journalist, someone they suspected of having an intelligence connection. And he told them to go to hell. He said they could do what they liked. They made all sorts of threats. And of course he was scared. But Mikhail was stronger than me.'
No, not stronger,' said Grushko. Just better.'
I don't know why I'm explaining myself to you,' she said. Or why you think you're any better than those bastards in the KGB. Are your own hands really so very clean, Grushko?'
I can still look my friends in the eye.'
Then you've been lucky.' Suddenly she seemed afraid. Does anyone else ?'
You needn't worry,' he said cutting her off. There's just you and me and your conscience if you have one.'
You know what I hope?' she said. I hope that one day you find out that someone close to you has betrayed you. I wonder if you'll be more forgiving then.'
Oh, I can forgive you,' said Grushko, snapping his fingers. Just like that. But him?' He pointed at Milyukin's grave. Well, I guess we'll never know, will we?'
Tears welled up in Nina's china blue eyes.
You cruel bastard.'
Grushko grinned. A mind-reader as well as an informer. There's no end to your talents.'
He left her standing there.
The newspapers say that suicide has become a political weapon. The conservatives in the Congress of People's Deputies were quick to associate the collapse of the old system and economic hard times with an increase in the number of people taking their own lives. It was up ten per cent since 1987. If you were a democrat, would knowing that make you less inclined to kill yourself?
They also say that women are less inclined to commit suicide than men. Perhaps someone should have told Nina Milyukin. A few hours after her meeting with Grushko she drank a whole bottle of strong vinegar and died. It was a common, albeit painful method of killing yourself, if you could still find a bottle of strong vinegar in the shops. When several people telephoned Militia Station 59 to ask them where they might buy this vinegar, Lieutenant Khodyrev was forced to put out a statement saying that the bottle was an old one and had been in Nina Milyukin's cupboard for several years.
The newspapers and television agreed that grief made her do it. Of course by then I knew different.
The heatwave ended a couple of days later. A cool breeze stirred the leaves of the poplar trees in the Summer Gardens where I had taken to walking and St Petersburg seemed like the most beautiful city on earth. It did not seem like the kind of city you would pick to commit suicide in.
When I discovered what Grushko had said to Nina Milyukin I was angry and told him I thought he had behaved abominably.
With a woman who betrayed her husband like that?' he said. I don't think so.'
My wife betrayed me,' I said, but it doesn't give me the right to judge her. God knows, maybe I drove her to it.'
That's different,' he said. Nina Milyukin wasn't just someone who failed in her duty as a wife. She failed in her duty as a human being. She was false. She lived the worst kind of lie.'
Where have you been?' I said scornfully. The whole bloody country's been living a lie for the last seventy
