seen your own grandfather in thirteen years?”
“There was a reason….”
“What?”
He stared at the road ahead for a while, then let out a guttural sound of frustration and disgust. “I don't know. There was a reason, but I can't remember it. Anyway, I came back when he had his stroke, when he was dying in the hospital. And I remember him dead, damn it.”
“Clearly remember it?”
“Yes.”
She said, “You remember the sight of him dead in the hospital bed, all his monitor lines flat?”
He frowned. “No.”
“Remember a doctor telling you he'd passed away?”
“No.”
“Remember making arrangements for his burial?”
“No.”
“Then what's so clear about this memory of him being dead?”
Jim brooded about that awhile as she whipped the Ford around the curving roads, between gentle hills on which scattered houses stood, past white-fenced horse pastures green as pictures of Kentucky. This part of the valley was lusher than the area around New Svenborg. But the sky had become a more somber gray, with a hint of blue-black in the clouds — bruised.
At last he said, “It isn't clear at all, now that I look close at it. Just a muddy impression … not a real memory.”
“Are you paying to keep Henry at Fair Haven?”
“No.”
“Did you inherit his property?”
“How could I inherit if he's alive?”
“A conservatorship then?”
He was about to deny that, as well, when he suddenly remembered a hearing room, a judge. The testimony of a doctor. His granddad's counsel, appearing on the old man's behalf to testify that Henry was of sound mind and wanted his grandson to manage his property.
“Good heavens, yes,” Jim said, shocked that he was capable not only of forgetting events from the distant past but from as recently as four years ago. As Holly swung around a slow-moving farm truck and accelerated along a straight stretch of road, Jim told her what he had just remembered, dim as the recollection was. “How can I do this, live this way? How can I totally rewrite my past when it suits me?”
“Self-defense,” she said, as she had said before. She swung in front of the truck. “I'd bet that you remember a tremendous amount of precise detail about your work as a teacher, about your students over the years, colleagues you've taught with—”
It was true. As she spoke, he could flash back, at will, through his years in the classroom, which seemed so vivid that those thousands of days might have occurred concurrently only yesterday.
“—because that life held no threat for you, it was filled with purpose and peace. The only things you forget, push relentlessly down into the deepest wells of memory, are those things having to do with the death of your parents, the death of Lena Ironheart, and your years in New Svenborg. Henry Ironheart is part of that, so you continue to wipe him from your mind.”
The sky was contusive.
He saw blackbirds wheeling across the clouds, more of them now than he had seen in the cemetery. Four, six, eight. They seemed to be paralleling the car, following it to Solvang.
Strangely, he recalled the dream with which he had awakened on the morning that he had gone to Portland, saved Billy Jenkins, and met Holly. In the nightmare, a flock of large blackbirds shrieked around him in a turbulent flapping of wings and tore at him with hooked beaks as precision-honed as surgical instruments.
“The worst is yet to come,” he said.
“What do you mean?”
“I don't know.”
“You mean what we learn at Fair Haven?”
Above, the blackbirds swam through the high, cold currents.
Without having a clue as to what he meant, Jim said, “Something very dark is coming.”
2
Fair Haven was housed in a large, U-shaped, single-story building outside the town limits of Solvang, with no trace of Danish influence in its architecture. It was strictly off-the-rack design, functional and no prettier than it had to be: cream-tinted stucco, concrete-tile roof, boxy, flat-walled, without detail. But it was freshly painted and in good repair; the hedges were neatly trimmed, the lawn recently mown, and the sidewalks swept clean.
Holly liked the place. She almost wished she lived there, was maybe eighty, watching some TV every day, playing some checkers, with no worry bigger than trying to figure out where she had put her false teeth when she'd taken them out last night.
Inside, the hallways were wide and airy, with yellow vinyl-tile floors. Unlike in many nursing homes, the air was neither tainted with the stench of incontinent patients left unclean by inattentive staff nor with a heavy aerosol deodorant meant to eliminate or mask that stench. The rooms she and Jim passed looked attractive, with big windows opening to valley views or a garden courtyard. Some of the patients lay in their beds or slumped in their wheelchairs with vacant or mournful expressions on their faces, but they were the unfortunate victims of major strokes or late-stage Alzheimer's disease, locked away in memories or torment, largely unconnected to the world around them.
Everyone else appeared happy; and patients' laughter actually could be heard, a rarity in such places.
According to the supervisor on duty at the nurses' station, Henry Ironheart had been a resident of Fair Haven for over four years.
Mrs. Danforth, the administrator into whose office they were shown, was new since Henry Ironheart had been checked in. She had the slightly plump, well-groomed, and inoffensively self-satisfied look of a minister's wife in a prosperous parish. Though she could not understand why they needed her to verify something that Jim knew already, she checked her records and showed them that, indeed, Henry Ironheart's monthly bill was always promptly paid by James Ironheart, of Laguna Niguel, by check.
“I'm glad you've come to visit at last, and I hope you'll have a pleasant time,” Mrs. Danforth said, with genteel reproach meant to make him feel guilty for not visiting his grandfather more often while at the same time not directly offending him.
After they left Mrs. Danforth, they stood in a corner of the main hallway, out of the bustle of nurses and wheelchair-bound patients.
“I can't just walk in on him,” Jim said adamantly. “Not after all this time. I feel … my stomach's clutched up, cramped. Holly, I'm afraid of him.”
“Why?”
“I'm not sure.” Desperation, bordering on panic, made his eyes so disquieting that she did not want to look into them.
“When you were little, did he ever harm you?”
“I don't think so.” He strained to see back through the clouds of memory, then shook his head. “I don't know.”
Largely because she was afraid to leave Jim alone, Holly tried to convince him that it would be better for them to meet the old man together.
But he insisted she go first. “Ask him most of what we need to know, so when I come into it, we won't have to stay much longer if we don't want to… in case it goes bad, gets awkward, unpleasant. Prepare him for seeing me, Holly. Please.”
