Magic's Promise

'Tran?' he whispered. 'Tantras? What are you -'

Tantras' face was lined with exhaustion, and his eyes were red with weeping.

'Van, I have to tell you -'

'We lost Jays,' he whispered, remembering, feeling the emptiness.

Oh, gods - He was not aware that he was weeping until a sob shook him and made him gasp with pain.

Tantras just handed him a square of linen, and, moving to sit gingerly on the side of the bed, held him until exhaustion left him no more tears to weep.

'We thought you ought to hear it from a friend,' Tantras told him, helping him to lie back. 'I should have known you already knew.'

'How?' Vanyel whispered. 'He didn't tell me how.'

'He couldn't keep the Swarm off - so he and his Companion - you know better than me how that works.'

'Final strike,' Vanyel answered numbly. 'Take your last target with you. Oh, gods - if I'd just been there.'

'What good would you have done?' Tantras chided. 'No one can be two places at once, Van. Not even you. Lady Bright, we came within a hair of losing you, and that's something I'd rather not think about. Lissa's Healer still doesn't know how he pulled it off. He swears he had divine help at the last moment.'

Vanyel just stared at him, rinding it hard to imagine a world without Jaysen in it.

A gentle tap broke the silence between them, and a maid hurried in, face blank -

Hiding fear.

'Milord Herald-Mage?' she faltered, holding a pitcher.

Not “Vanyel, “or even “milord Van, “ he thought, with a catch in his throat. Now I terrify even the ones who grew up with me around. I'm a stranger even to my own.

'Yes, Sondri?' he said, as gently as he could.

'I brought ye summat t' drink.'

'Thank you.'

She left the pitcher and glass beside the bed, and hurried out.

Fear. Vanyel felt another wrench inside. And there was only one way to deal with the pain of it.

Tantras had enough Empathy to feel something of his withdrawal. 'Van - ' He touched Vanyel's shoulder. 'Van, what are you doing?'

Van looked at him bleakly. 'You saw her,' he whispered. 'It's just like you told me. I frighten people. And now even more than before. I wiped out the entire Mavelan family, or at least all of the ones in the meld. I had divine aid in being Healed, or at least that's what they're telling each other out there. I frightened them before, now I terrify them. It hurts, Tran. It hurts to feel that fear.''

'So you're withdrawing behind walls again.' Tantras shook his head. 'Van, that's not the answer.'

'What is?'

Tantras only shook his head dumbly.

'At least my walls give me a little peace. And I won't wall my friends out, I promise.' He tried to smile, at least a little.