The Two-Bear Mambo

'This your first spat?'

'We had one every goddamn day, but I guess this is the worst. We were fighting right before I burned those assholes' house down. I don't even remember what me and him were arguing about. I think that's why I beat those fucks up and burned their place down. I mean, you know, I don't like 'em, and that's the biggest reason, but shit, these days, I get worked up, I burn whatever house is there down. It lets off some tension. '

'What are you gonna do until they get a new house put up?'

'I don't know. Squeeze a rubber ball. Jerk off. '

'And what if the house gets put in there isn't a crack house next time, but some old lady who just wants to putter around her flower garden?'

'I guess I could go over there nights and pull up her roses. '

'I can see you've thought this through with options. '

Leonard tapped his temple with a finger. 'Thinking all the time. ' He sat for a moment, said: 'That goddamn Raul. I kinda thought I was ready for him to go, but you know, I miss him. '

'Raul seemed okay to me, but it's not like I been around him much. Maybe him going away isn't so bad.'

'That some kind of comment?'

'I haven't seen much of you lately either, Leonard. It's not like I know anything about y'all's relationship. See, I sort of thought you and me being like brothers, I'd get the inside scoop on things.'

'Hey, you got to remember, I ain't had no loving in ages. You forget how you get when you have a woman. All you want to do is fuck.'

'I guess that's normal at the beginning of any relationship. I just thought maybe you'd have brought him around. You and me, compadre, we're family. Besides, you can only screw so much, after a while, you got to maybe read a book, talk to friends.'

'You got enough problems in your life doing crap work for a living, being mostly worthless without ambition, and being friends with me. Figured you didn't need me and my lover dropping by.'

'You think it's like I got neighbors? And if I did, think they'd know just by looking at you? And if they did, think I'd give a fuck?'

'That's not what I mean, and you know it.'

'What do you mean?'

'No matter how close we are, I think the whole thing jacks you around. You know, me fuckin' a guy.'

'It's different is all. I'm not used to it. I see two guys hugging up, one of them my friend, guy I think of in a traditional way most of the time, well, I won't lie to you, it makes me uncomfortable. Not sick to my stomach or nothing, just uncomfortable. I don't visualize what you guys are doing in the privacy of your own home, not only because it's private, but shit, Leonard, I don't like to think about it. I know there isn't anything wrong with it. But I was taught one way all my life, that homos were perverts. I know now a pervert comes in hetero or homo, same as good people, but it still turns my crank backwards a little to know y'all got the same equipment to play with and you're willing to do it with each other”

'How do you think it makes me feel, see you kissin' on some old gal? That ain't natural to me, Hap. It don't matter what's supposed to be natural, my biology tells me one thing, yours tells you another.'

'All right. Let's drop that. It's not like we're really in disagreement.'

'You know what, Hap?'

'What?”

'I really thought this one was more than just sex. I thought me and Raul had a relationship. I thought me and him were gonna grow old together and come over to your place now and then for fried chicken and maybe borrow money, you ever got any. I really did mean to bring him around. Really. I just wanted to get stabilized. And, of course, I have. I'm by myself again.'

'He could come back.”

'I doubt it. I think I saw it coming for the last two weeks. We were just too different. I was confusing sex for loving 'cause I hadn't had either in so goddamn long. You know what? He liked Gilligan’s Island. He wouldn't miss that fucker. Had books on that shit. Photos of the stars. Has a stack of videotapes full of Gilligan’s Island. He thought Bob Denver was a good actor, and I think he had this thing for the Professor. Raul's big goal in life was to get a copy of the reunion episode.'

'You're right,' I said. 'Mark Raul off your list. He's too dumb to live. Hey, one bright note. My Christmas present. I'm gonna cheer you up when I tell you what I got you. That 'Asleep at the Wheel' album you been wanting.'

'The one where they get a bunch of folks together to redo Bob Wills's stuff?'

'Yep. Got that big-tittied singer you like on it.'

'Dolly Parton.'

'Yep. And it's got Willie 'Can't Pay His Taxes' Nelson too. “'No shit?” 'No shit.'

'You said album, but you meant CD, right?” 'Yep.'

'Great. Guess what? That was Raul's CD player. He took it with him.'

Chapter 5

That night I slept on Leonard's fold-out couch, which had acquired an assortment of potato chips, peanuts, and