The Midnight Tour

He tried to picture how she’d looked last night, naked by the jacuzzi. But the image that entered his mind and made him start to stiffen was Darke in the men’s restroom earlier tonight when she first pulled open her shirt.

“You made it,” Lynn said.

'Hi, everyone!” Dana called out.

'Dana!” Dennis yelled, waving furiously.

“The main babe!” yelled Arnold.

'Lynn’s the main babe,” Dana told him. “I’m just here to help out. I hope I didn’t delay things.”

“We were just about to start,” Lynn told her. “Tell you what. I’ll lead the way. Why don’t you do me a favor and take up the rear? Keep an eye out for stragglers.” Facing the group, Lynn said, “We should all stay close together after we enter the house. That way, everyone’ll be able to see and hear what’s going on. Also, we’ll be less likely to lose any of you. Every now and then, stragglers get picked off.”

Owen heard a few quiet laughs.

“I assume she’s kidding,” Eleanor muttered.

'Anybody has any questions, wait till we’re inside. It is a little nippy out here.”

With that, Lynn rushed up the porch stairs. Several people moved quickly to let her by. Owen heard keys jangle.

He and Darke turned around to face the door.

Darke pulled her hand out of his pocket. Taking hold of his hand, she looked up at him. “I’ve been wanting to do this for so long.”

“Me, too,” he said.

“I can’t believe I’m finally here.”

Neither can I, Owen-thought.

She’s here, all right, Here with me. And it’s not a dream.

Better not be.

Holding Darke’s small, warm hand, he stepped over the threshold.

Lynn must’ve turned on a light as she entered; a chandelier cast a murky glow through the foyer.

She made her way forward to the main stairway, climbed to the third stair, then turned around. “Welcome to Beast House,” she said.

Dana shut the door.

“Now, I know you’ve all seen The Horror. I’m going to assume that you’ve already taken the self-guided audio tour, and that some of you have read one or both of Janice Crogan’s books. If you haven’t, you’ve put the cart before the horse. The Midnight Tour is like an advanced class. We’re really not here to rehash the basic stuff. But it’s not exactly a class, either. We’re here to have a good time, and we hope to give you an experience that you’ll always remember and look back on with pleasure.

'During the next two hours, we’ll be exploring the entire house. You’ll see places that aren’t shown during the regular tours. And you’ll hear things that aren’t said on the tapes. I want to give you a few warnings along those lines. In the course of the tour, we’ll be visiting both the attic and the cellar. There are a couple of fairly steep stairways involved. If any of you have problems with climbing stairs, you might want to bow out before we get started. The same with anyone who is easily offended. This tour isn’t meant for prudes. I’ll be telling you things that any normal person would find shocking and revolting. That’s the point of the tour—to give the uncensored truth. You probably knew that before you shelled out your hundred bucks, but in case you weren’t paying attention, I’m warning you now. It get’s nasty. I don’t hold back. So you’d better bow out if you’re afraid of what I might say.

“If you do quit the tour now, we’ll refund a hundred percent of your admission price.”

“A hundred percent?” asked the man with the mustache and camel sweater. He sounded surprised.

“I know,” Lynn said. “You’ve already had the picnic and seen the movie. But we don’t want anyone on the tour who shouldn’t be here. It can ruin it for everyone.”

“That’s certainly generous,” said the man’s wife—the one with the great eyes.

'It might sound generous. The thing is, nobody has ever taken us up on it. By the time we get this far, nobody can stand to back out.”

Tourists chuckled and nodded.

“One final warming. Some people find the tour to be extremely stressful. Since you’re here, I figure you enjoy being a little frightened. You should prepare yourselves to be very frightened. Anybody pregnant?”

Owen saw several of the females shake their heads.

Beside him, Darke’s head shook.

He heard a snigger, probably from Monica.

“We’re no doubt all pregnant with expectation,” said Bixby.

“Oh, duuuude,” Dennis said. It came out like a moan of despair.

'Bail out, Boxboy,” Arnold suggested.

“Bugger off,” Bixby responded.

“Huh huh.”

'Booger off.”

Lynn raised her hand. 'Okay,” she said. “I take it that nobody is pregnant—with child. That’s good. We had a gal one time who got so excited on the tour that she went into early labor. We’ve also had a couple of heart attacks. If you have any history of high blood pressure or heart disease, you’d be better off not taking the tour. Anybody with trouble along those lines?”

She waited. Heads shook. No arms were raised and nobody spoke up.

“Are you sure? I don’t want anybody pitching over on us.”

“Looks like we’re all fine ’n dandy,” said the stocky guy who was married to the woman in the tennis costume.

“Okay. One last thing before we start. If any of you do experience physical or emotional trouble during the course of the tour, please speak up. I’m sure Dana will be happy to escort you outside.”

'What sort of refund then?” asked the man in the camel sweater.

“After the tour has actually started,” Lynn said, “there will be no refunds at all.”

“When does it start?” asked Clive.

“I’ll count to five. While I’m counting, you can all decide if you really want to go through with this. One.” She paused for a second, then said, 'Two.” A few moments later, 'Three.”

As she said, “Four,” quick thumps erupted in the darkness behind her.

People gasped.

Owen’s heart jumped.

Darke jerked stiff and squeezed his hand.

Then some screamed and others shouted, “Look out!” and 'Behind you!” and a solitary female voice shouted out, “Duck!” as a shiny white hairless creature rushed down through the darkness at the top of the stairs.

The beast!

Lynn looked over her shoulder, saw it and shrieked.

Dana plowed through the group, shoving people out of her way.

Someone—Owen didn’t see who—flung open the front door to escape.

The beast pounded its way down the stairs, dead white and shiny, all muscle and teeth and claws—and penis. Erect, it tilted up like a broom handle.

Two stairs above Lynn, the creature lurched to a halt and lifted its head off.

Clyde, hair mussed from the full-head mask, smiled down at his audience. “Welcome to Beast House!” he called out.

Dana abruptly stopped at the foot of the stairs.

Many of those who remained in the foyer began to laugh with relief, clap loudly and mutter.

'Bravo!” Bixby called out.

Darke looked up at Owen, smiled and shook her head.