defecation and urination. Her first sight of her parents’ lovemaking, for example, came when she peeped under a lavatory into the connecting bathroom. She also mentioned that the bathroom frequently served her parents as a place in which to make love. Furthermore, when she saw her parent’s m4ing love for the first time, her father was sitting on the toilet, exactly as if he were defecating. Her own initial explorations of her vulva and her subsequent attempts at masturbation came in the bathroom. Her introduction to masturbation, via the imported tutor, came as she was searching for a suitable spot outdoors in which to urinate.
Small wonder, then, that Judy came to associate sexuality with the bathroom and with voiding.
These circumstances only disposed the girl toward’ anal sexuality; they did not force her in that direction. Other factors must also be considered in explaining this development in her personality. The mother’s anxiety about toilet facilities at the camps where they lived would have made the girl highly conscious of urination and defecation as functions. The mother also cautioned the girl not to stray too far from the cabin or tent, lest she fall into the clutches of a rapist. Probably the mother’s fears were exaggerated but, here again, it can be seen that anxieties of this sort might easily lead the girl to associate the toilet with the sexual act. The mother seems to have held the old-fashioned notion that toilet functions were “dirty” and “nasty.” The fact that she harped about them constantly suggests that the mother herself had problems in this area.
Psychoanalysts frequently distinguish between anal and urinary eroticism. The distinction is well taken in Judy’s case; she seems to have reserved her sexual interest for the anus alone and to have ignored the urinary function completely. Children frequently lump the two together in a rough and ready fashion, deriving erotic excitement from both. “With the approach to puberty, and the development of the ideal emotions, both excretory functions alike normally recede into the background and neither is likely to be, as it frequently was before, a deliberate source of pleasurable interest. That new influence, however, works unequally on the two functions, powerfully on the bowel activity, which is felt to be ‘dirty,” more weakly on the vesicle activity, to which the same objection cannot be made, and which has about it nothing unaesthetic. Hence it is that some degree of ‘urethral eroticism’ is regarded as coming within the normal sphere, while ‘anal eroticism’ can only so be brought in when it is held apart from the action of the bowels and confined to the sensitivity of the anus itself.” (Ellis, Studies in the Psychology of Sex, II, Part 2, pp 426427.) Ellis does not claim that this summary explains every case of anal eroticism, but it helps us understand Judy’s case better. She kept her fascination with the defecator act, and especially with the anus. The reason for this, we suspect, is associated with her relations with her younger brother. It will be noted that her earliest memories of that brother were not pleasant. He was not a planned child; doubtless the dismay of the parents was partly transmitted to the daughter, who also experienced the loss of the parents’ affections. Thus she harbored a long-standing resentment of her brother. She seems to have generalized this resentment to some extent and to have transferred it to men in general, as we shall see in a moment. Here the principal concern is to suggest her resentment of her young brother as a source of future guilt.
We suspect that Judy’s excursions into anal sexuality can best be understood as a way of punishing herself for her resentment of ‘her brother. She had plenty of reason to associate her buttocks with that brother. The only spanking she ever received came after she had attempted to perform fellatio upon him. It seems quite probable that she felt bad about her resentment of his presence, however understandable that feeling might be, and that she conceived of anal eroticism as a way of punishing herself for those feelings. There is no doubt that she saw anal sex as dirty and degrading. Far from rejecting it on those grounds, she was all the more willing to engage in it.
Judy’s language is also relevant to his consideration of her emotional makeup.
The reader will doubtless have noted her free use of vulgarisms, especially of words and phrases denoting the anus and its functions. This language is highly significant, according to one of the most respected figures in recent psychoanalytic thinking: “The frequent and casual use of four-letter words by some women, especially of expressions denoting sexual and excretory functions, is rarely characteristic of a low level of upbringing and education. In most cases it is an unconscious travesty or parody of men and their manners and reveals a concealed and often repressed hostility to the male.” (Theodor Reik, The Need to Be Loved, p. 146.) Judy’s casual use of vulgarisms can thus be interpreted as suggesting a lingering dislike of men-perhaps a hangover from her resentment of her younger brother-and thus her use of them as vehicles for performing anal sexual acts would further make those acts repulsive and degrading to her. In this way, her underlying guilt feelings could thus be assuaged all the more easily. Although she periodically “swore off” anal sex and vowed to devote herself to a more orthodox life style, she could never live up to her resolutions. Periodically she would feel impelled to give in to a man, and would then embark upon a series of escapades Involving anal sex. There is little doubt that these sessions served primarily to relieve her of her accumulated guilt feelings.
“That first time, when I got that Ricky’s cock up my asshole and let him fuck me until he shot his come in there that just turned me around like I’ve never been affected before. You know, there are some things that only affect you a little and some others that just totally blow your mind? Well, getting Ricky’s prick up my ass was definitely the other kind of thing! Man, I just went wild, especially when I felt him start to come. I’d felt guys shoot off in my cunt before and I’d held their pricks when they’d shot their nuts off but this, this was just another world! 1 don’t know, I think maybe it was just the idea of him being in my ass and squirting his come up there, mixing it with my shit, that turned me on so much. Anyway, I know that after it was over I staggered into the bathroom-we were in the school’s gym, hidden out in a little room he knew about-and sat down on the john to have a crap. As soon as I started forcing the turd out, the come started rolling too and I just started coming all over again, without even touching myself at all! “That was a Saturday morning that Ricky and I had our first butt fucking session. It sort of knocked him out too because he didn’t act very horny till late that afternoon. I was just totally disgusted with myself, even though I’d come like anything, and I really didn’t want to have any more to do with him.
But what the hell, I was there for the weekend and I’d already let him do it to me once, so what could I do? That afternoon he came on pretty strong and wanted some more, so I agreed to take a walk with him and, of course, it was a walk in the woods. Thank God the weather was mice. This was in the spring-April, I think-and it was fairly warm. Otherwise I might have died of pneumonia! S “As soon as we got out of sight of the campus he started in on me. He hadn’t fooled me any. I knew that he wanted to fuck some more, probably in my ass, and I… I was going into that hung-up frame of mind all over again. You know, I wanted to and I didn’t want to? That kind of feeling. But as I’ve already said, I’d done it once before with him, that very morning, and I didn’t see how I could back out without making him feel awful. So I agreed and we ducked back into the bushes.
“This time it was just straight sex. No romance, no kissing, nothing but just a pure, all-out fuck! The leaves were still pretty damp and soggy and Ricky didn’t have a blanket or anything, so we didn’t try to do it lying down.
Instead, he just got me down on all fours and crawled on behind me. It was the ‘first time I’d ever done it dog-fashion, either in my ass or in my cunt, and I sort of liked it. Though it wasn’t nearly as exciting as when I was facing him and could look down and see his big cock going into me. He spat on the head of his prick so it would go in easy and then he just reamed me out! It was just like the first time. I hated myself for enjoying it but the sensations were so incredibly good that I couldn’t have made him stop, no matter what had been going on.
“Well, you can be sure that little Ricky didn’t keep his news to himself.
Within a couple of weeks I believe that everyone in my boarding School and all the ‘guys in the better colleges in that part of the country were aware of how well I liked a prick Everywhere I went, I got these funny looks and propositions from guys that wanted to see what it was like, running their cocks up a girl’s asshole. Several of them were very frank about it. One guy even said that he’d like to try it and see if a girl’s asshole was any different’ from a guy’s! I guess he’d been working the gay side for a while and maybe wanted to change his luck.
“After a reception like that, I was just furious with Ricky for having blabbed about it, but it was too late then. I didn’t date another boy for a month. I just stayed at the school and’ occasionally I’d finger fuck myself, almost always in the ass, but otherwise I tried to live like a nun. There were times when I really hated myself for letting Ricky fuck me in the ass. But then there were other times when I thought I’d have to tie myself in the room to keep from running out and grabbing the first man I saw and making him give it to me that way! ‘ “It’s a good thing I didn’t stay at that boarding school past the spring, when I got my first taste of that kind of sex. I got out and tried a couple of years of college, but it turned out to be a total failure too. I don’t know what the problem was. I just couldn’t seem to settle down and keep my nose in those books. Part of it was the sex, I know that. It seemed that, as I grew older, I wanted it more and more. I mean, I wanted to do it the way I had with Ricky, with the guy going into my ass.
“I was lucky that I didn’t have to stay in college. I was spending Easter vacation at Atlanta, where I was
