little brother (an impatience which she probably registered when Geraldine was an infant too) must have provided a powerful impetus for Geraldine’s conclusion that the anus and defecation were undesirable and “unclean.” This is not an unusual attitude in our country, where our drive for cleanliness-especially in, the bathroom and — its related functions-is so marked.
We must also consider how she came to need physical debasement and humiliation.
There can be little doubt that she responded ardently to cruel treatment. Her reaction to being ejaculated upon by Jerry, the motorcycle rider who subjected her to quasi-rape, shows this only too well. Her subsequent utilization of the same image, of a man ejaculating upon her naked body, reinforces the point that shows how effectively the notion stimulated her. There is a good possibility that she identified a man’s ejaculation with urination. In that case the point could be made all the stronger.
Psychologists often note that the arrival of a new baby breeds trouble for any older children in the family. Geraldine never stated that she felt rejected because of her new brother but she would be exceptional indeed if the birth had not left its mark upon her psyche. Her mother’s excessive concern with toilet training and anal functions would also have contributed to the girl’s anxieties and helped push her to the belief that she was somehow inadequate or unworthy.
Such a belief could easily carry with it a feeling of guilt and consequently a need for penance; Geraldine’s preoccupation with large penises, as well as her fantasies concerning ejaculating males, combine to give us a very strong suggestion that she conceived of sexual activity as a way of absolving the guilt she had been made to feel.
The pain she had associated with intercourse, whether vaginal or anal, with a man whose penis was very large could well have been pleasing to her. Though many readers may doubt that true pleasure can be found through a painful experience, the fact is that this is very possible. At the same time, however, “we have to remember that it is only within limits that a woman really enjoys the pain, discomfort, or subjection to which she submits. A little pain which the man knows he can himself soothe a little pain which the woman gladly accepts as the sign and forerunner of pleasure-this degree of pain comes within- the normal limits of love and is rooted, as we have seen, in the experience of the race… A woman may desire be forced, to be roughly forced, to be ravished away beyond her own will. But all the time she only desires to be forced toward those things which are essentially and profoundly agreeable to her.” (Ellis, Studies in the Psychology of Sex, vol. I, part 2, p. 101). As we shall see in a subsequent portion of her case history, Geraldine eventually found herself being pressured, into anal intercourse and she then discovered that it was very agreeable to her. We might almost say that her early experiences with anal digital masturbation were simply preparing her for the ultimate sexual experience in her life, anal intercourse, a penis penetrating her rectum. Geraldine’s fascination with her anus as an outlet for her sexual desires appears to have been more symbolical than functional. That is, she did not desire anal stimulation because of the pleasurable sensations accompanying it- though these were definitely noticeable but because of the pleasure she derived from imagining it. This contention is best proved by referring to her fondness for fantasizing while masturbating. As Kinsey, et al. pointed out in their massive work on Sexual Behavior in the Human Female, females are far less prone to fantasy during masturbation or intercourse than are males. (pp. 164-5 and 665-8). Geraldine’s heavy reliance upon fantasies-which can include actual memories; they need not be fictitious-shows that she acutely responded to stimuli provided by her own mind. This propensity to rely upon her mind as well as her nerve endings as a source of sexual stimulation is further demonstrated in a portion of her case history to be presented below.
Some readers will wonder why our subject delayed so long her introduction to anal intercourse. As we shall see, Geraldine was twenty-three when she was initiated into sodomy. This was approximately ten years after she had begun to masturbate anally. Her own explanation that she did not know such acts were possible, makes a good bit of sense. We must remember that a great many people are abysmally ignorant of even the most elementary knowledge concerning sexuality and that, due to the great secrecy surrounding the subject, accurate knowledge is not easy to come by. Many people are very reluctant to seek knowledge, especially concerning forms of those sexual acts declared outside the pale of respectability by society. Like many other Americans, Geraldine had been taught to believe that sexual intercourse involved penises and vaginas, nothing more. The story of how she came to learn differently will now be told.
“It started almost as soon as I got lifted out of the secretarial pool and started — working in the lab. Herb, the head — technician, was a real stud and he really gave — all the girls there a hard time. Some other hard things too! I hadn’t been there more than three or four days when he started giving me those suggestive looks and rubbing against me every chance he got. I remember once he called me over to his workbench and had me look through his microscope at some cancer tissue. I bent over the microscope and he got right up behind me, pressing his prick up against the cheeks of my ass. Wow, did I ever get a horny feeling out of that! “Sure enough, he asked me out for a date and I accepted. We went to a place for dinner, and then to another place for a few drinks and some dancing. We ended up back at his apartment and went to bed. It wasn’t anything special, that first time with him. Or, at least, I didn’t think so, but something about me got him excited and he started seeing a lot of me after that. Within a couple of weeks I was practically living with him! You know, over at his place — every night. Or else he’d come over to my efficiency. And, usually, we’d spend the whole night together. And it was every night too, not just once or twice a week. He sure loved to get between my legs and drive that tool of his home! “Herb had a pretty nice sized prick on him. Though it wasn’t much compared to that monster of a tool Jerry had! I sort of liked for him to drive it up in me, even if 1 didn’t get a very good come out of it. But he just kept right on shoving it home every night. Finally he began to notice that I was only enjoying it a little, not a whole lot, and he asked me what was wrong. I made up a little story about how we weren’t doing it the way I liked it best; that I couldn't make it so good with him on top of me.
“I like to get on my side,” I told him, “and reach down behind with one hand so I can feel it going in and out of me.”
“That was just pure nonsense, of course, but I felt that I had to say something. I couldn’t come right out and tell him that it was best for me when I was doing it to myself with a finger up my ass! Or that I needed a guy with a dick about the size of a table leg! He surprised me, though, and said that we’d do it my way. I was expecting him to tell me that if I didn’t like the way he screwed I could find myself a new boyfriend. That really put it up to me, him agreeing like that, and I had to deliver the goods.
“The very first time we tried it ‘my*ay,” the way I told him about, I didn’t quite know what to do. I reached back around and sure enough I could feel that hard rod of his plunging in and out of my cunt. That was sort of nice, feeling it with my hand at the same time that I was getting it rammed into me. But then I wondered why not do it to myself? Just as if I were at home alone? So, I started massaging the rim of my asshole with the tip of a finger. Wow! That was just what I needed! And, believe me it affected me just as though someone had touched an electric line to my whole body! I jerked up against him and let out a scream of pure joy and then I did- it again. The second time it was even better and Herb was beside himself, he liked it so much. I could see that I’d really stumbled onto something. I just couldn’t hold it back any more after I’d made — myself- feel it so strongly twice. I used my middle finger and drove it up into ‘my ass as far as I could. I remember thinking to myself, even as I started to- come like I’d never come before, — ‘Gee, you really “struck oil” that time!”
“Herb was so excited by it all that he never even noticed my finger. He just started whipping his cock in and out of me about ten times faster than before.
And then he ‘let go with a great, long, whooping climax that filled me so full of prick and come and happiness that I thought sure I’d pop wide open. I hadn’t ever really believed that a woman’s pleasure could be so important to a guy.
Most of the guys I’d known seemed to think it was all over when they’d shot their cream.
“You can believe it when I say that Herb and I really started hitting it off then. He was just wonderful and I’d never before heard such things as he said to me when we’d stopped panting and could talk a little. As soon as we’d rested a little he wanted to go again. And I wasn’t about to turn him down, so we started in the second time. He’d never even taken his prick out of my cunt or moved off the leg I had under him. The leg was getting a little sore, but I wouldn’t have let go of him for the world.
“This time, though, I made a mistake. I thought he wouldn’t notice it again if I fingered myself. -But I’d forgotten that he wasn’t nearly as ready to come the second time. So, when I shoved in my finger and started making it big, he felt my- finger against his dick and then he knew the truth about me. He didn’t say a word, though, and I didn’t even realize that he’d found out until it was all over.
“Why didn’t you tell me you liked it up the ass?” he asked me when I’d stopped heaving and puffing. “If I’d
