other similar things I've related to you over the years. But my attacks have never gone beyond the limits of resolute advice and frank criticism. This is the first time she's upset me so badly that I'm publicly quarreling with her.'
Although still looking vexed, her mother entreated her, 'Let me handle this, Khadija. I don't want you ever to be estranged from her by a dispute. It's not right for your hearts to be alienated from each other when you live together in the same home. Don't forget that you're sisters… and that you're her big sister. Your heart is not mean, praise God. It's filled with love for all your family. Whenever I have a problem, my one consolation is your affection. Despite her failings, Aisha is still your sister. Don't forget that.'
Stung, Khadija cried out, 'I'll forgive her everything except her testimony against me.'
'She «didn't testify against you. She was afraid of making you angry and afraid of angering her mother-in-law. So she kept silent.
She hates to upset anyone, as you well know, even if her heed-lessness frequently annoys people. She never meant to harm you. Don't expect too much from her. I'll come see you tomorrow and settle accounts with her. But I'll make peace between the two of you, and you'd better not object.'
For the first time Khadija's eyes had an anxious, apprehensive look. She lowered them to keep her mother from noticing. She did not say anything for a moment. Then in a weak voice she asked, 'You'll come tomorrow?'
'Yes, the situation requires my immediate attention.'
As though to herself, Khadija remarked, 'She'll accuse me of divulging her secrets.'
'So!' Then, sensing her daughter's increasing anxiety and apprehension, Amina added, 'In any case, I know what to say and what not to.'
With relief Khadija concluded, 'That's best, for it's unlikely she'll acknowledge that my intentions are good or that all I want is to help her improve.'
94
'Oh!' He suddenly exclaimed with warmth and passion on seeing A'ida emerge from the gate of her mansion. As usual late each afternoon, he was standing on the sidewalk of al-Abbasiya Street watching her house from a distance. The most he had been hoping for was a glimpse of her on a balcony or at a window. He wore an elegant gray suit, as though wishing to keep pace with the good weather, which the last days of March had graciously and cheerfully provided. The more hurt and despondent he felt, the more dapper his attire became. He had not set eyes on A'ida since she had quarreled with him in the gazebo. But life would not have been possible without this afternoon pilgrimage to al-Abbasiya, where he circled the mansion from afar with unflagging zeal. He would give free rein to his dreams and satisfy himself temporarily with contemplation of the shrine and a review of his memories.
In the first days of their separation the pain had almost driven him crazy, leaving him prey to delirious paranoia. Had it lasted any longer, it would have done him in. He had escaped from that dangerous initial stage by virtue of the despair long embedded in his soul. Pain had crept back into its residence deep inside him, where it carried on its traffic without disturbing his other vital functions, as though it were an organic part of his body or an essential faculty of his spirit. His agony was like a severe illness that lingers on as a chronic malady after its worst symptoms subside. He was not consoled. How could he find any consolation for love? It was the most exalted thing life had ever revealed to him. Since he believed deeply in love's immortality, he realized he would have to bear it patiently, as if destined to live out the rest of his days with an incurable illness.
When he suddenly saw her leave the mansion, this moan escaped him. His eyes watched her graceful gait, which he had wanted to see for such a long time, and his spirit danced with a rapture of affectionate excitement. The beloved turned right and proceeded along Palaces Street. Revolt flared up in his spirit, sweeping away the sense of defeat his soul had nourished for nearly three months. shocked him into a decision to cast his complaints at her feet regardless of the consequences. Without any hesitation he walked to Palaces Street. In the past he had spoken cautiously from fear of losing her. Now there was no further loss to fear. Moreover, the torment he had suffered during the last three months would hardly allow him to hesitate or retreat. A'fda soon noticed the approaching footsteps and turned to glance back when he was only a few steps behind her. But then she looked ahead again indifferently. He had not expected a gracious reception, but he reproached her, 'Is this the way old friends greet each other?'
She responded by quickening her pace without even glancing at him. He lengthened his steps, deriving stubborn resolve from his pain. When he was almost beside her, he said, 'Don't pretend you don't know me. That's unbearable. If you had any regard for fairness, there would be no need for this.'
What he feared most was that she would ignore him until she reached her destination. But the melodious voice answered, 'Please get away from me. Let me go in peace.'
With humble determination he told her, 'You will go on your way peacefully, but after we settle accounts.'
In a voice that resounded clearly in the silence of the aristocratic street, which seemed almost deserted, she replied, 'I don't know what accounts you're talking about and don't want to know. I wish you'd act like a gentleman.'
With fervent passion he said, 'I promise to conduct myself in a fashion exemplary even for a gentleman. I couldn't act otherwise, since you inspire me in everything I do.'
Without ever looking his way she retorted, 'I mean you should leave me in peace. That's what I want.'
'I can't. I can't until you pronounce me innocent of the false charges for which you've punished me without listening to my defense.'
'I'm punishing you?'
He paused for a fleeting instant to enjoy the magic of that moment, for she had agreed to debate with him and to slow her happy stride. Did she want to listen to him or was she deliberately giving herself more time to get rid of him before she reached her destination? In either case it was a dazzling fact that they were walking side by side along Palaces Street. The lofty trees there sheltered them and, from beyond the walls of the mansions, calm narcissus eyes and smiling jasmine mouths followed the couple's progress in a stillness profound enough to soothe his burning heart, if he could only have absorbed it.
He said, 'You have punished me cruelly by disappearing for three whole months while I, although innocent, have suffered countless torments.'
'Let's not rehash that.'
Passionately and humbly he replied, 'But we must. I'm determined to. I beg you in the name of the agony I've endured for so long that I lack the strength to suffer anymore.'
She asked quietly, 'How is that my fault?'
'I want to know whether you still consider me an adversary. One thing that's certain is that I could never harm you under any circumstances. If you would just consider my affection for you over the past years you would embrace my viewpoint without any hesitation. Let me tell you the whole story with total candor. After our conversation in the gazebo, Hasan Salim asked me to have a talk with him.'
She interrupted him almost imploringly: 'Let's drop this. It's over, finished.'
This last sentence had the impact on him that laments at a funeral would make on a dead man if he could hear. Then, touched in a way that showed itself in his voice, where it was like a song dropping down an octave to an answering voice, he said, 'Finished… I know it's finished, but I would like it to have a positive ending. I don't want you to leave thinking me a traitor or a slanderer. I'm innocent, and it's awful when you think ill of a person who harbors for you… harbors for you nothing but veneration and respect and whose every reference to you is coated with praise.'
Leaning her head in the other direction, she cast him a look as if to ask teasingly, 'When did you become so eloquent?' Then almost tenderly she said, 'It seems there's been a misunderstanding. But that's all in the past.'
Eagerly and hopefully he said, 'It seems that you're still a little skeptical.'
Griving in, she answered, 'No, but I won't deny that I thought ill of you for a time. The truth only became clear afterwards.'
