When Carl reached the table Vanessa stood up and hugged him. It was the type of brief, businesslike hug that you get from the hostess at a cocktail party who doesn’t know you very well. Carl deduced that Vanessa had gotten over the shock of seeing him appear out of nowhere and had remembered the circumstances of their parting.
“Gee, you look great,” he said.
“So do you. Still keeping up with your karate?”
He nodded. “And you played tennis in college, right?”
“College was a long time ago, Carl. I started the year you went off to war.”
Vanessa spoke the last sentence with a trace of bitterness. Carl looked her in the eye.
“The military has been good to me, Van.”
“It must have been if you’re still in.”
Carl changed the subject quickly. “So tell me, in twenty-five words or less, what have you been doing for the past-what is it-twelve, thirteen years?”
“Something like that.” Vanessa thought for a moment. “Well, I guess the biggie was my marriage.”
“To that guy at the restaurant?”
Vanessa laughed. “No. Bob’s a lawyer for a congressional committee. I’m working for a congressman. I met him about a month ago at a hearing.”
“So you’re not married now?”
Vanessa looked solemn. “It didn’t take. I should have known it wouldn’t. His main qualification was that the General despised him. Inertia kept us together for years, but the marriage was over almost as soon as it started.”
“On the phone you said that you’re back at school?”
“Nights.”
“What are you studying?”
“Law. Isn’t that what every divorcee studies after the marriage goes south?”
“Working and going to night school must be tough.”
“It’s a grind but school comes easy to me.”
“It always did,” Carl said, “except for calculus.”
Vanessa looked sad. “Yeah, except for calculus. So, what are you doing in the army?”
“I’m teaching at the language school at Fort Meyers.”
“Oh? What languages?”
“Vietnamese and Thai.”
“I guess I know where you learned them.”
Carl lowered his eyes when he answered, the way he’d practiced it.
“I had some bad experiences in ’Nam, very rough times. Once I got back stateside, a teaching assignment sounded pretty good.” He smiled. “Actually, I’m glad I took it. I’ve enjoyed teaching at the language school and I’ve made some good contacts at a number of universities. I’ll be retiring pretty young and I should be able to teach at any number of places.”
“Well, I’m happy for you.”
“Are you happy, Van?” Carl asked softly.
“That’s a very personal question, Carl. At one time I would have given you an answer, but that time was long ago. I don’t think we know each other well enough now.”
Carl felt his facade begin to crack. He hadn’t expected the old feelings to come back with such intensity.
“I know I hurt you, Van, but that was a long time ago. I would like to get to know you again,” he said.
“You’re seeing me now, aren’t you?” she said.
Carl and Vanessa started eating dinner near the House office building once or twice a month. Sometimes he would wait for her at the law school when her classes let out and they would go for coffee. The meetings were infrequent and were get-togethers rather than dates. There were times when Carl was tempted to try for something more, but being with Vanessa stirred conflicting feelings in him. When they were together he soared but he also struggled with guilt because he had not told her that he was still working for her father and he was keeping her in the dark about the true nature of his service. He also harbored an irrational belief that he was betraying the General because he had not told him about seeing his daughter. Not that he had many chances to talk to Morris Wingate. Since joining the Unit he had met Wingate on only a few occasions. Wingate had explained how dangerous it was for any member of the Unit to be seen with him. There were spies everywhere.
Carl had been thinking about quitting the Unit for a while. He had been risking his life for more than ten years and he wondered if he was losing his edge. If he quit now he could get a teaching job at a good university. Maybe Vanessa would marry him and they could settle down. They would have kids and she would have an interesting career. It would be a quiet existence, but Carl thought that he could get used to life with two point five children, a dog, and a house in the suburbs with a white picket fence. He fooled himself into believing that he could move from hell to Eden without Vanessa’s learning about his secret life.
A persistent knocking on her front door awakened Vanessa from a deep sleep. She called out, “I’m coming,” as she struggled into her robe. When she looked through the peephole she saw Carl Rice standing in the hall. Vanessa was surprised because she had not seen or spoken to Carl for three weeks.
“Please, Vanessa, open up,” Carl begged after knocking again. Vanessa didn’t want Carl to wake her neighbors so she unlocked the door. Carl staggered in. He was unshaven, his clothes looked as if he’d slept in them, and his eyes were wild.
“What do you want, Carl?” Vanessa asked.
“I have to talk to you.”
“It’s after midnight. Couldn’t this wait until tomorrow?”
I’m sorry. I know it’s late, but I don’t know what to do.”
Vanessa took a hard look at her visitor. Carl looked like a man who might do something desperate.
“Do about what?” Vanessa asked.
“Can I sit down?” Carl asked. “I’m exhausted. I haven’t slept in days.”
Vanessa stepped aside and Carl slumped onto the couch and laid his head back.
“I can’t do it anymore,” he said. “I’ve got to get out.”
“Get out of what?”
“I lied to you,” he said. “I couldn’t tell you the truth, so I lied, but I don’t want to do that anymore. I want you to know what I am, Van. I’m a killer. I kill for your father, and I want to stop.”
Vanessa couldn’t breathe.
“You’re the only one who can possibly understand,” Carl said.
“What is it you want me to understand?”
“I’ve done terrible things.”
“And you want what, forgiveness?”
“I’m beyond that.”
Vanessa felt a twinge of fear. Aside from a general explanation of the work of the AIDC her father had never told her what he did. She’d had her suspicions-why did he need armed guards wherever he went? — but she never allowed herself to think beyond that.
“I’ve been so happy since we reconnected,” Carl told her. “I thought I could start over with you. But almost everything I’ve told you was a lie. Then they gave me another assignment. It was very bad. I want to stop now. I don’t want to do this anymore.”
“What did you do?”
“I went to Texas. There was a Chinese woman. Her parents immigrated to Massachusetts when she was nine. She worked on a top-secret project. I don’t know what she did exactly.” Vanessa realized that Carl was talking
