The Vanishing Point

finishing touches to building a Lego railway, testing the motors in the trains and the levers that moved the points.

‘It’s the most fun I’ve had in years,’ Nick said, looking as if he meant it.

‘I’m sorry I’ve got to break it up,’ she said. ‘Jimmy, we need to go home. If there’s anything you want to take with you, grab it now, because we really do need to be on our way.’

Nick was first to react. He scrambled upright and hoisted Jimmy into the air. ‘What do you say? Anything you can’t live without, Jimmy?’

‘Wait a minute,’ Simon said, struggling to get to his feet in the tight corner where he was penned by Lego and a toy chest.

Jimmy looked around, frowning. ‘My DS,’ he said, pointing to the small Nintendo console lying on the bed. Nick scooped it up and headed out the door. Stephanie moved back to block the exit.

‘Wait a minute,’ Simon said, lunging towards the doorway. But Stephanie didn’t budge, and his reluctance to hit a woman bought Nick and Jimmy valuable seconds. He gripped her upper arms and tried to shift her bodily out of the way, but Stephanie resisted. ‘What have you done, you mad bitch?’ he shouted. ‘Where’s Scarlett? Scarlett?’

Finally, he used his superior weight against her and simply pushed her back. He ran down the stairs, shouting Scarlett’s name. The yelling stopped abruptly as soon as he opened the kitchen door. By the time Stephanie had recovered her balance and made it to the bottom of the stairs, he was kneeling in Scarlett’s blood, cradling her head in his lap. ‘She didn’t leave me any choice,’ Stephanie said. ‘It was me or her. You know that.’

Simon didn’t even turn his head. ‘My love,’ he kept repeating, his voice cracked and broken.

Still moving like a woman in a trance, Stephanie carried on out the front door towards the little car. She was only a ghost, after all. She’d never been here. A single thought kept reverberating inside her head. You can’t kill someone who’s already dead.

You can’t kill someone who’s already dead.

How to Speak Like a Scarlet Harlot

all round the houses: by a circuitous route; indirectly

all sorts: all kinds of things

arsed, as in ‘can’t be arsed’: can’t be bothered

arsing about: messing around

Asian: British Asian as used here; from the subcontinent, i.e. India, Pakistan, Bangladesh.

beam ends, as in ‘on their beam ends’: also, ‘on the bones of his arse’: lacking funds; without a cent to their name

Benidorm: Benidorm is a satirical comedy series set in the Spanish resort of the same name, characterized by vast high-rise hotel complexes and ‘English pubs.’ Benidorm is the destination for many cheap package holidays for people who are interested in getting as much cheap drink and sunshine as possible in seven days. Dante would have included it in one of his circles of hell.

blagging: bluffing

a bob: a buck (literally, a pound), money: a shilling, in old predecimal money. A nickel would probably be the closest equivalent in relative value.

bones of one’s arse, as in ‘on the bones of his arse’: lacking funds

the bottle, as in ‘Has she got the bottle?’: nerve

braces, as in ‘belt and braces’: suspenders; so, belt and suspenders, metaphorically, would be thorough

carry on (as in ‘all Joshu’s carry on’): carry on baggage

CCTV: closed circuit television; spy cameras.

chalk, as in ‘not by a long chalk’: measure; so the expression means no way; by no means

chops, as in off their chops: a bit crazy; or drunk. Dependent on context

clogs, as in ‘pop one’s clogs’: die

come the, as in ‘come the toff’: pretend to be posh

copper: police officer

copping off: attracting a potential sexual or romantic partner; hooking up

cornet: a waffle cone minus the gourmet pretension

firkin: Old English unit of measure meaning a quarter barrel. Also, a barrel size.

fist, as in ‘made a better fist of’: did a better job of

grafter: hard worker

grass [someone] up: betray them

home from home : home away from home

house room, as in ‘giving thoughts like that house room’: space in your life

Indy: the Independent, a daily newspaper

jammy, as in ‘jammy bastard’: lucky

Jansch, Bert: Scottish acoustic musician, both as a founder of Pentangle and as a solo artist

lash, as in ‘on the lash’: also ‘on the razz’ or ‘on the tiles’: out drinking, generally late into the night.

Lincoln: small town in England (Lincolnshire)

lurgy, as in ‘every bloody sexually transmitted lurgy’: generic term for unpleasant disease or infection

mangle, as in ‘tit in a mangle’: wringer; an old-fashioned piece of laundry equipment consisting of two rollers set close together to squeeze the moisture out of the laundry. (You can imagine how painful it would have been to catch your breast between the rollers.)

the Manuel act: behaving like the uncomprehending and incompetent Spanish waiter in the popular sitcom Fawlty Towers

mid-table (sports): neither at the top or the bottom of the league table for soccer

MOBO: awards show specifically for Music of Black Origin

the Moonwalk: a British breast cancer charity fund-raiser

off, as in ‘got the act off’: down, got the act down

oner, as in ‘in a oner’: in one, at once

owt/nowt: anything/nothing

paps: paparazzi

Perspex: Lucite, or hard clear plastic

pillock: idiot

piss, as in ‘piece of piss’: really easy

piss, as in ‘taking the piss’: taking the mickey, making fun

plod: police officer, usually a uniform of low rank. Beat cop

the prom: promenade (seafront)

razz, as in ‘on the razz’: QV ‘on the lash’

red tops: tabloid newspapers, so-called because their mastheads are red and white, as opposed to black and white

Rollers: Rolls-Royces, Rollses

saloon, for car: sedan

Santing, Mathilde: Dutch singer

sink estates: housing projects for lowlifes

shaft, as in ‘put the shaft’: stab someone in the back. Or in the front!