She tried to think of words he would understand, but always came up against the irreconcilable differences between her perception of the Lizard and what he thought of himself. He would not recognize her description.
'Or you want something more from me. What is it?' She started to say there was nothing, but hesitated. 'All right,' she said, afraid her voice would be too shrill. Somehow it sounded perfectly normal. 'Tell Gryfs people to set him free. Get Jason a parole and a ticket off-world.' For a moment she almost allowed herself to hope he had believed her offer was sincere. She was a very good liar.
The Lizard's expression changed. 'No. I need them around so you'll do what I say.'
'I won't.'
'Pick something else.'
For an instant's flash Kylis remembered being taunted like this before, when she was very small. Anything but that.
Anything but what you really want. She pushed the recollection away.
'There isn't anything else,' she said.
'Don't hold out. You can't bribe me to let them go. I'm not a fool.'
He needed no officially acceptable reason to hurt her. She knew that. Fear of his kind of power was almost an instinctive reaction for Kylis. But she whispered, 'Yes, Lizard, you are,' and, half-blind, she turned and fled.
She almost outran him, but he lunged, grabbed her shoulder, pulled her around. 'Kylis-- ' Standing stiffly, coldly, she looked at his hand. 'If that's what you want-- '
Even the Lizard was not that twisted. Slowly, he let his hand fall to his side.
'I could force you,' he said.
Her gaze met his and did not waver. 'Could you?'
'I could drug you.'
'For seven sets?' She realized, with a jog of alienness, that she had unconsciously translated the time from standard months to sets of forty days.
'Long enough to mess up your control. Long enough to make you pregnant.'
'You couldn't keep me alive that long, drugged down that far. If the drugs didn't kill it, I would. I wouldn't even need to be conscious. I could abort it.'
'I don't think you're that good.'
'I am. You can't live like I did and not be that good.'
'I can put you in the deprivation box until you swear to-- '
She laughed bitterly. 'And expect me to honor that oath?'
'You'd have children with Gryf and Jason.'
This was real, much more than a game for the Lizard to play against Gryf. He wanted her compliance desperately. Kylis was certain of that, as certain as she was that he would use his own dreams to help
fulfill his duty to Redsun. Still she could not understand why he felt he had some right to accuse her.
'Not like this,' she said. ' With them-- but not for one of them. And they wouldn't make themselves fertile, either, if you were a woman and asked one of them to give you a child.'
'I'm quitting. I'd take him out of here. I'd give him a good home. Am I asking that much? I'm offering a lot for a little of your time and one ovulation.' His voice held the roughness of rising temper.
'You're asking for a human being.'
She waited for some reaction, any reaction, but he just stood there, accepting what she said as a simple statement of fact without emotional meaning or moral resonance.
'I'd kill a child before I'd give it to you,' she said. 'I'd kill myself.' She felt herself trembling, though it did not show in her hands or in her voice. She was trembling because what she had said was true.
He reacted not at all. She turned and ran into the darkness, and this time the Lizard did not follow.
When she was sure she was not being watched, she returned to Gryfs rock in the forest. Gryf still slept. He had not moved from the time he fell asleep, but the gray rock around him gleamed with his sweat. Kylis sat down beside him, drew up her knees and wrapped her arms around them, and put her head down. She had never felt as she felt now-- unclean by implication, ashamed, diminished-- and she could not explain the feeling to herself. She felt a tear slide down her cheek and clenched her teeth in anger. He will not make me cry, she thought. She breathed deeply, slowly, thinking, Control. Slow the heartbeat, turn off the adrenaline, you don't need it now. Relax. Her body, at least, responded. Kylis sat motionless for a long time.
The heavy, moist wind began to blow, bringing low black clouds to cut off the stars. Soon it would be too dark to see.
'Gryf?' Kylis touched his shoulder. He did not move until she shook him gently; then he woke with a start.
'Storm's coming,' Kylis said.
In the dimming starlight, a blond lock of Gryfs hair glinted as he rose. Kylis helped him up. Dead ferns rustled at their feet, and the sleeping insects wrapped themselves more closely in their wings.
At the edge of the forest Kylis and Gryf picked their way across a slag heap and reached the trail to the prisoners' area. A faint blue glow emanated from their shelter, where Jason sat hunched over a cold light reading a book he had managed to scrounge. He did not hear them until they climbed the stairs.
'I was beginning to get worried,' he said mildly, squinting to see them past the light.
'Gryf was sick.'
'You okay now?' Jason asked.
Gryf nodded, and he and Kylis sat down in the circle of bioluminescence that did not waver in the wind. Jason put his book away and got their rations and water bottles from the locker. The stalks Kylis had picked were by now a bit wilted, but she gave them to Gryf anyway. He shared them out. The meal was slightly better and slightly more pleasant than most at Screwtop, but Kylis was not hungry. She was ashamed to tell her friends what had happened.
'What's the matter?' Jason asked suddenly.
'What?' Kylis glanced up at him, then at Gryf. Both were watching her with concern. 'You look upset.'
'I'm okay.' She leaned back gradually as she spoke, so her face was no longer in the light. 'I'm tired, I guess.' She searched for words to put into the silence. 'I'm so tired I almost forgot to tell you we're all on night shift.'
That was good enough news to change the subject and take her friends' attention from her. It was even good enough news to cheer her.
Later they returned to the hiding place in the forest and slept, lying close with Gryf in the middle. In the distance the sky flashed bright, then darkened. Only a faint mutter reached them, but the lightning revealed heavy clouds and the wind carried the sound closer. Kylis touched Gryf gently, taking comfort in his deep and regular breathing. Lightning scarred the sky again, and seconds later thunder rumbled softly. The wind rustled dry fronds.
Gryf stroked Kylis' tattooed shoulder. He touched her hand and their fingers intertwined.
'I wish you could get out,' she whispered. 'I wish you would.' The lightning flashed again, vivid and close, its thunder simultaneous. Jason started in his sleep. During the brief flare Gryf looked at Kylis, frowning.
It began to rain.
In the morning Kylis woke by reflex, despite the absence of the siren. The whole day was free, but she and her friends had to rest, for the night shift was first on duty. Gryf was already sitting up. He smiled in his it's-all-right way.
'Let's see,' Kylis said.
He turned. The welts were silver-gray down their lengths, even where they crossed. They were uninfected and the ends had begun to heal. Gryf stretched his arms and looked over his shoulder. Kylis watched his face, the fine lines at the corners of his eyes, but he did not flinch. Biocontrol was one thing Kylis had proper training in, and she knew Gryf could not stretch human limits indefinitely. This time, though, he had succeeded.
'How much better are you?' she asked.
He grinned and Kylis laughed in spite of herself. She forced away the thought and worry of the Lizard. Together she and Gryf woke Jason.
But all the rest of the day her apprehension grew. She was certain the Lizard would not accept her refusal easily. Now Kylis had to look twice at the little movements in her peripheral vision, once to make sure they were not hallucinations and again to make sure they were not the Lizard. By evening she was taut with acting out a pose of
