each ordered a caffe latte. Larry brought out a bulky folder from his briefcase and put it on the table between us.
“What is it?” I asked.
“My file on Jim Pears. You’re taking the case, aren’t you?” I hesitated. “Yes. I’ll fly down on Monday morning. Will I have a chance to talk to Jim before the hearing?”
“I don’t know. You’ll have to ask his P.D. A woman named Sharon Hart.” He paused and sipped his coffee. “She’s not a bad lawyer but something’s not working out between her and Jim.” “It happens. I’m always running up against the expectations of my clients. You learn to be tactful.”
Larry wasn’t listening. He was looking at his reflection in the window. When he looked back at me, he asked, “Do I seem hysterical to you?”
I shook my head.
“I do to myself sometimes.” He rattled his cup. “I’m so angry, Henry. When I wake up in the morning I think I’ll explode from rage.”
He tightened his jaw and clamped a hand over his mouth. “Don’t you expect that?” I asked, awkwardly.
He lowered his hand, revealing a faintly hostile smile. “You’ve been reading too much Kubler-Ross,” he said. “There are only two stages to dying, Henry. Being alive and being dead. We treat death like a bad smell. I’m supposed to excuse myself and leave the room.”
His eyes were bright. It was the only time I had ever seen Larry even approach tears and it was frightening.
“Why should you care what other people think? You never have before.”
“Well, that’s not true,” he snapped. “I was the original closet queen, remember?” He expelled a noisy breath, then sipped from his coffee. “I don’t know why I’m taking it out on you.”
“Because I’m here?”
He shook his head. “Because I love you.” He tried to smile but his face wouldn’t cooperate. “I’ll miss you.”
He lowered his face toward the table and I watched the tears slide down his cheeks and splatter on the table top. I reached for his hand and held it. After a moment or two it was over. He looked up, drew a dazzlingly white handkerchief from his breast pocket and wiped his face.
He glanced at his watch. “It’s the witching hour. You’d better get me back to the airport.”
I pulled up in front of the terminal and helped Larry gather his things. He put his hand on the door handle.
“Wait,” I said.
He looked over at me. I leaned across the seat and kissed him.
“I love you, too,” I said.
“I know.”
A moment later he was gone.
3
It was nearly one when I pulled into the carport and parked in my allotted space. It was raining again and a heavy wind rattled the treetops filling my quiet street with creaks and wheezes. I grabbed the bulky folder Larry had given me and made a run for my apartment, stopping only to collect my mail and a soggy edition of the evening paper.
Inside I was greeted by silence. The only unusual thing about this was that I noticed it at all. I put the folder on my desk, added the paper to the stack in the kitchen and leafed through the bills and solicitations that comprised my mail. I turned on a burner and poured water into the tea kettle, set it on the flame, opened a bag of Chips Ahoy and ate a few. When the water was boiling I poured it into a blue mug with “Henry” emblazoned on it — the gift of a client — and added a bag of Earl Grey tea. Then there was that silence again. It seemed to flow out of the electrical outlets and drip from the tap.
Only the silence was not quite silent enough. It was filled with my loneliness. I had lived alone long enough and I did not want to die this way. These days, death no longer seemed like such a distant prospect to me. I sipped my tea. I thought of my empty bed. I opened the folder and found the transcripts of Jim Pears’s preliminary hearing.
The purpose of a preliminary hearing is to see whether the prosecutor can establish probable cause to bring the defendant to trial — to “hold him to answer,” in the arcane language of the law. For the defense, however, the prelim is an opportunity to preview the prosecution’s evidence so as to prepare to refute it at trial. Consequently, the prosecutor puts on as little evidence as possible to show probable cause, holding what he can in reserve.
The transcripts of Jim’s prelim consisted of two slender volumes. The events leading up to Brian Fox’s death were narrated by two witnesses who had also worked at the restaurant. The first was a waiter named Josh Mandel. I set my cup down and began reading:
Frank Pisano, D.A.: At some point prior to Brian Fox’s death, did you have a conversation with Brian about Jim Pears?
Mrs. Sharon Hart, P.D.: Objection, calls for hearsay.
Pisano: This statement is admissible under section 1350 of the Evidence Code. We filed some papers -
The Court: I have them here.
Pisano: Yes, Your Honor. Uh, we expect Mr. Mandel will testify that he was told by Brian Fox that he — Brian — saw Jim Pears engaging in sex with a man. That’s relevant to the issues here and Brian Fox is certainly unavailable, thanks to Mr. Pears.
The Court: Mrs. Hart?
Hart: There’re a lot of conditions here that have to be satisfied before 1350 applies. Like — for example, the statement has to have been written down or tape-recorded.
The Court: Where is that? Oh, all right, I see it. What about that, Mr. Pisano?
Pisano: It also says it’s okay if the statement is made under circumstances that indicate its trustworthiness. That’s an alternative to a taped or written statement.
Hart: No it’s not. That’s in addition to.
The Court: Well, I tend to agree with the prosecutor on that. I’m going to let the statement in.
Hart: Defense objects.
The Court: Understood. The objection’s overruled.
Pisano: Do you remember the question, Josh?
Josh Mandel: Yeah. Brian told me he had proof that Jim was gay.
Pisano: Do you mean homosexual?
Hart: Objection, leading.
The Court. We’re wasting time. Overruled. Answer.
Mandel: Yes.
Pisano: Did he tell you what this proof was?
Mandel: Yes.
Pisano: What was it?
Mandel: He said he saw Jim having sex with some guy in a car out in the restaurant parking lot.
Pisano: How long before Brian was killed did you have this conversation with him?
Mandel: A couple of weeks.
Pisano: Now, did you ever overhear a conversation between Brian and Jim Pears regarding this incident in the parking lot?
Mandel: Well, I think. Yeah. They were talking about it.
Pisano: What was said?
Hart: Objection, hearsay.
Pisano: This is an admission, Your Honor.
