runners, in their domain, sends shivers up my spine and a sour, sickening feeling in my stomach. She did it because she was scared and felt the need to act. Is that why I am doing half of the things I am — feeling the need to act? Was she being reckless or am I just thinking she was? She was quite logical in her thinking and seemed in control of herself. I mean, it’s something I might even do. Is that recklessness or have I reasoned it out in my head to make it seem like a legit risk? Do the others view my actions as reckless and just go along with it because?
I know Lynn has issues with some of my decisions and I truly can’t say I blame her.
These thoughts pour through my mind as I enter the cargo compartment and take a seat on the lower bunk by the blacked-out window. The soldiers stand silently looking everywhere but in my direction. There’s an awkward feeling to the air. Robert comes to sit next to me.
“How’d it go up there?” He asks.
“All in all not too bad,” I answer.
“You know, not one person saw her climb up,” he comments.
“Yeah, I figured as much,” I reply.
“Why did she do it?” Robert asks. I explain as best as I can.
“I can relate,” Robert says after I finish.
I look sidelong at him. “Really?” I ask. “How so?”
“Well, I get worried and feel the need to act. I feel kind of stifled sometimes,” he answers. “I understand why you do what you do but it sometimes comes up.”
“Okay, let me ask you this, do you think I act recklessly?” I ask. He gives his customary shrug.
“Seriously, do you?” I ask again.
He sighs. “No, not recklessly, I guess. But you do take some pretty big risks. But then again, you have different experiences so what I see as big risks, you see differently.”
“That’s a good way of putting it,” I respond.
“But jumping into a compound at night with a HALO jump? Well, that’s different. When is the last time, if ever, you’ve done that?” Robert asks looking at me worriedly.
“It’s been a while admittedly,” I answer.
“Then why?”
Now it’s my turn to sigh. “Go get Greg and I’ll explain. He was asking the same thing and if everyone is asking, then perhaps I either need to reconsider or explain.” Robert gets up and returns shortly with Greg.
“Okay. So here’s the deal. Like I mentioned to Bri, I feel the need to do this because these people helped and risked themselves to rescue yourself and Bri. Now their families need help and I can give it,” I say addressing Robert for the most part.
“I understand that,” Robert says.
“Now, Greg, if you don’t feel comfortable doing it, and I can certainly understand why you wouldn’t, then please say so and be assured I won’t hold any ill feelings,” I say.
“No, Jack, like I said before, I’ll support you all of the way with whatever you decide. I just wanted to talk it through and make sure we weren’t committing to an endeavor that we shouldn’t. Sometimes we can get compulsive about an idea and force an answer. I just wanted to make sure we weren’t doing that in this case,” Greg replies.
“I want you to feel free to develop those kinds of conversations whenever you see fit,” I say. “Besides, we may not find the equipment we need rendering this whole thing moot.” Greg merely nods. I call Horace over.
“You know, sir, everyone feels bad for not seeing Bri. Each person feels responsible,” Horace says on arriving.
“It’s not anyone’s fault. Make sure they know that. Sit with your teams and ensure they know there is nothing to feel bad about. Bri made her decision and acted not wanting anyone to catch her. I think she sees the light now, at least I hope so, but it’s no one’s fault,” I reply.
“I know they’ll be happy to hear you don’t think they let you down,” she says.
“Oh for Pete’s sake, no one here has let anyone down in the slightest. Tell your teams there’s no use in their getting their panties in a, oh crap,” I say looking up, “I’m sorry.”
“No worries, sir,” Horace responds with a smile.
“The point is, there’s no use getting all bunched up over nothing. There’s enough real shit to worry about without making stuff up. Now, let’s get some rest. We have another long day tomorrow,” I finish.
“Roger that, sir,” Horace says. We bed down and I turn off the battery switch plunging the interior into darkness.
No One Ever Looks Up
I wake with a start. The warm sleeping bag is wrapped around my body but there is a chill in the air I feel on my cheeks despite being in the aircraft with so many others. I am a little groggy as if we’ve all sucked the oxygen out of the air during the night. Lying on the hard floor, I feel stymied by the choices ahead of me. I don’t want to leave the warmth of the bag but I’m not overly fond of continuing to lie on the hard deck either. There just is no right answer. Well, my bladder actually tells me different and it eventually wins the argument.
I unzip the bag and peel it back and the chill instantly fills the once warm bag. I sense a stirring of the others. Being in the heat yesterday has made us more weary than normal. I turn on my light and stumble to the cockpit to check whether night has passed. The light sky in the east lets me know that dawn is upon us and the beginning of another day. It’s going to be a long one and Greg and I will have to find time to rest at some point before the evening sets in. The night runners left us alone for the rest of the night and I’m grateful for the little rest I did get.
I open the crew door letting in the early morning light. The cool fresh air sweeps in through the open door and is invigorating after the stale air of the interior. I walk down the steps eyeing the bodies of night runners lying on the tarmac near the aircraft. Bri certainly took down a number of them. Dried and drying pools surround the bodies and run in rivulets following the low spots on the concrete. Several chunks of dry brain tissue lie in places. If we were staying longer, I would have the bodies removed but we’re leaving shortly and I don’t want to waste the time or energy.
I am feeling low on energy and not ready for what I know the day and evening holds. The events of last night and what is coming up make me feel a touch overwhelmed. I’m just feeling old and want to crawl back to my little cottage to sleep for a month. The rear ramp lowers; apparently others are up and not appreciating our locker room. I watch as soldiers emerge stretching their tired muscles and stare at the bodies.
“Well, if we’re going to do this, then let’s do this,” I say to myself and start a walk around of the aircraft.
Glancing back at the door, I see Gonzalez and Bri standing at the opening. “Damn, girl,” I hear Gonzalez say. “That’s pretty impressive.” I watch as Bri smiles at the compliment.
“That’s nothing to be proud of,” I say loudly not wanting Bri to think what she did was okay.
“I know, Dad,” she says loudly back losing her smile.
“But it is impressive,” I say to which the smile returns.
I finish the walk around as soldiers gather on the ramp to look at Bri’s little circle of destruction and to break open a few meals. I hear a few whistles as some start strolling around the bodies. I am impressed with her body count but not the way she went about it. I want to put a stop to their being impressed in case Bri’s thinking circles back to feeling it is okay to do what she did. Honestly though, I don’t believe she will so I let them continue.
The flight back to Kirtland will be a short one but we’ll have to find out which building houses the equipment we’ll need and then retrieve it which will mean going into a darkened building once again. Something I’m not too keen on doing. Maybe I’ll just vanish when I get back and find that cabin in the woods. Perhaps we’ll meet up with Sergeant Prescott and he’ll know if and where we could find it. He mentioned he was with the base security detachment so he’ll know which buildings are which.
The sun breaks over the horizon casting its brilliant light across the ramp and changes the morning from a blue-shaded one to one filled with yellowish-orange. The sky remains clear of clouds and it promises to be another warm one. I hope it remains clear through the night. There is no way I’m going to do this if any storms or low
