Almost Perfect

Message: Help! I'm making a mess and I don't know how to stop!

Amy: Calm down. I'm here. What's the newest bookkeeping disaster?

Christine: I'm here too. Lord, Maddy, when are you going to stop digging this hole deeper and start climbing out?

Amy: Ignore her. Just tell me what's wrong, and I'll try to walk you through it.

Christine: What's wrong is she won't TALK TO JOE!

Maddy: Is there an echo in here? That's all I hear anymore. Talk to Joe. Talk to Joe. Well, I'm sorry, it's not that easy! Especially when I'm messing up his business. I want out of this job so badly I could scream.

Christine: So tell him!

Maddy: What, say 'Joe I love you and by the way I quit'? Yeah, that's a great start to becoming a husband/wife team running a business together. No, I have to fix this first. Help him get the camp going. And pray for the day he can afford an office assistant who understands bookkeeping. Maybe by then I'll be married and pregnant and I can quit to raise children.

Christine: I canNOT believe you said that! Another woman, yes, but not independent Maddy. Besides, if you can't say 'I love you' you'll never get to say 'I do.'

Maddy: I told you, we're getting there in our own time and way. You don't have to make it sound like we've been dragging it out for years. I've only been here three and a half months.

Amy: Excuse me. Can we stick to the current problem, please?

Maddy deleted all of Christine's posts before responding just to Amy: I'm afraid I did something serious this time. See, I thought maybe if I opened Carol's files to see how she keeps the books for the summer camp, I could figure out how to do this. And I guess I sort of hit something I shouldn't have. Because, well, now all the numbers in all the little boxes are sort of… gone.

Amy: Oh dear.

'What have I gotten myself into?' Joe asked the world at large as he and Derrick headed for the

Chief's Lodge. 'Do you think you could be more specific?'

'Maddy!' Stopping, he flung a hand toward the office.

'Ah, that narrows it down some, but I'm afraid not enough.'

'I can't believe I hired her as our office manager.'

'I don't know.' Derrick scratched his cheeky looking back toward the office. 'She looks pretty' good sitting on a desk to me. And she did a fantastic job with our promo material.'

'Except she's completely incompetent at running an office.' With his hands on his hips, he stared at his feet. After days of denial, the full magnitude of his blunder settled over him. 'I'm going to have to fire her.'

'Whoa, my man. I thought the plan was to marry her.'

'It is!'

'Then might I suggest you propose before you fire her.'

'Yeah.' A dry laugh escaped. 'Good plan.'

'No, not 'plan.' ' Derrick held up a finger. 'Advice. I think you've done enough planning with this situation.'

'No, I just need a new plan.' He resumed walking, his mind racing. If only Maddy's art career would take off, he could encourage her to quit. Maybe he could do something there to help out. 'Yeah, that's what I need. A new plan.'

Groaning loudly, Derrick fell in step beside him.

Thank God for days off, Maddy thought as she packed for the party in Taos. If she had to spend one more minute reading software manuals that made no sense, her head would explode. Why couldn't she figure out how to make it all work? Although anytime she dealt with numbers, her brain turned to Teflon. The only reason she'd kept her math grades up in school was because of Joe and then Amy helping her.

No wonder he'd been shocked to learn she was such a good student in all her other courses.

As for the current situation, at least Joe never yelled at her the way her father yelled at her mother for every mistake, large or small. Joe just came quietly along behind her and fixed things.

Which made her feel awful. She was supposed to be helping him. Instead she was causing him more work.

Well, tomorrow they were heading for Taos, where she'd see her friends for the first time in months. Maybe if she sat down with Amy, they could figure out what she was doing wrong.

Comforted by the thought, she pulled two dresses from the closet to add to her growing pile of potential outfits for the night of the show. They were both simple, jersey knit, a flattering, forgiving fabric that could be dressed up or down. Stepping before the mirror that hung on the bathroom door, she held the hangers under her chin. The short red? Or the long black? Black was always great. Artsy. Sophisticated.

Funereal.

How appropriate.

Without warning she burst into tears. Loud, wet sobs shook her whole body.

Pressing the heel of her hand to her eyes, she wondered what was wrong with her lately. She always seemed on the verge of singing with joy or bawling her eyes out. If she hadn't just ended her period, she'd swear she was pregnant or PMSing.

She had no reason to be this way. Things were going great with Joe. Every day they were moving in the right direction, getting one step closer to the day when she would be able to say the words that felt like a living entity, trapped inside the center of her chest and struggling to get out. Christine was right; if she couldn't say 'I love you,' she'd never say 'I do.'

God, it hurt, physically hurt, not to voice those words. Once that happened, though, once she told him she loved him, maybe the rest would work out.

Who was she kidding? The rest would never work out. She was doomed to spend the rest of her life chained to the desk in the camp office, mucking up Joe's books and being miserable.

That thought drew her up short, had her sniffing back tears.

She wasn't miserable. She was happy! And she needed to stop all this stupid crying.

Moving to the sink, she splashed water on her face as her breathing steadied. She had a growing relationship with a man she adored. A new life helping him with his business. So of course she was happy.

As for her art, she hadn't given it up completely. Once the boot camp was up and running, she'd get back to it.

Lifting her head, she caught a look at her dripping face in the mirror. Good grief, she looked like hell. The curse of being a redhead was that her face turned blotchy at the first sign of tears. She ducked back down for a few more splashes of cold water, then reached for a hand towel and dared another look.

Okay, better, she decided. Not great, but not so noticeable.

She heard the slamming of a truck door and jolted. Was Joe already back from his trip into town? He and Derrick had gone to buy lumber for their obstacle course. A quick glance at the clock told her more time had passed than she'd realized. And here she was standing in nothing but her underwear so she could try on outfits as she packed.

She checked the mirror again, fluffed her hair, tried out a smile. Passable, she decided, then grabbed her robe and headed for the door. She opened it just as he reached the landing. 'Hey, you're back. Great. You can help me decide what to pack.'

He didn't take her into his arms for a kiss, as he normally did, or comment on her lack of attire. In fact, he didn't even return her smile.

'Do you mind if I come in?'

'What?' Since when did he ask to come in? 'Of course not.' Stepping back, she watched him stride to the middle of the room, wearing camouflage pants and an Army green T-shirt. His shoulders were set in a rigid line. 'Is something wrong? You look upset.'

He turned to face her. 'I wanted to show off your artwork to Derrick, so we stopped by the gallery while we were in town.'

Alarm snaked up her spine. 'Oh?'