rights.”
“He has no rights!” Matt exploded. “He deserted us twice. He left you years ago—”
“That was a mutual decision,” Mom said.
“He left you,” Matt said. “You would have kept the marriage going if he hadn’t and you know that. And then he and Lisa drop by last summer and go their merry way. We owe them nothing.”
“They brought us food,” Mom said. “Food that kept us alive for weeks, maybe months. Food they could have kept for themselves. And would things have been better if they’d stayed? Lisa hysterical with worry over her parents? Food running out and then the sickness. Maybe she wouldn’t have survived. Maybe the baby would have died. Things could have been so much worse, Matt. I’m not sure they’d have been any better.”
“I don’t know, Mom,” Matt said, and his voice got so much lower I had to strain to hear him. “Maybe you should have let Miranda go with them. That might have been the best thing after all.”
I felt like I’d been punched in my stomach. I had never known Dad wanted me along with him and Lisa when they left here last summer.
“Is that what you wish for her?” Mom asked. “Evac camps? A life like Syl’s?”
“Leave Syl out of this,” Matt said. “She didn’t have parents to look after her. Dad would have protected Miranda. Yeah, it would have been hard, but it’s been hard for her here. And we knew, we all knew, that whatever food we had would last that much longer with one less mouth to feed.”
“I couldn’t let her go,” Mom said. “I couldn’t send Miranda or Jon or you out there knowing I might never see you again. I don’t know how those kids’ parents could have done it, Alex and Julie’s.”
“My guess is they don’t have parents,” Matt said. “Any more than Syl does.”
Mom sighed. “This is a horrible time,” she said. “But we’ve gotten through it together, and that’s how it’s going to be. I’m sure Hal’s already thinking about what to do next. In the meantime we’ll make do. Lisa isn’t going to go hungry while she’s nursing. We can’t let that happen.”
I heard Syl walking up the stairs. “Laura?” she said. “I remembered seeing a flannel sheet in the linen closet. I thought we could cut it up for diapers.”
“Good idea,” Mom said.
“Stay here for a moment,” Matt said. “Mom and I have been talking, and I want you to know what’s going on.”
I used that chance to slip out of my bedroom and make my way downstairs before anyone realized I might have eavesdropped. My timing was perfect, since as I walked past the living room, I heard an argument between Dad and Lisa.
“We can’t let Julie go,” Lisa said. “Who knows where Alex will take her, what will become of her.”
“We know exactly where she’s going,” Dad said. “Alex’s been very clear about their plans.”
“To leave her in an orphanage,” Lisa said. “So he can go off to Ohio.”
“It’s not an orphanage,” Dad said. “It’s a convent, and it took in girls like Julie last summer. It’s not like he’s planning to join the circus. He feels that Julie would be safer at the convent than she is on the road.”
“But she’d be safe with us!” Lisa cried. “Hal, I don’t think I can survive without Julie. She understands what I’ve gone through. No one else does.”
“I do,” Dad said. “I wish you’d believe me, Lisa.”
“You don’t,” Lisa said. “You say you do. You may even believe it, but you don’t. You decided right away that your mother had died. Even when we were trying to make it out west, you never thought you’d see your mother again. But my whole family was out there—my parents, my sisters. I’ll never know if they’re alive or dead. All I have is my faith that God will reunite us. Julie knows how that feels, that need to see your family again, that terror that you never will. She’s the only one I can talk to.”
“You can talk to me,” Dad said. “You are talking to me.”
“It makes no sense for Julie to live with nuns she’s never even met,” Lisa said. “If Alex would let her stay with us, then he could do whatever he wants, and he’d never have to worry about her. Please, Hal. Talk to him again, try to convince him. I’m sure the nuns are wonderful women, devout women, but Julie doesn’t know them. She knows us. I’ve lost so much, Hal. God brought Julie to me, to help me through. He can’t want me to lose her.”
“Are you enjoying yourself?”
I turned around and saw Alex standing there. Who knows how long he’d been watching me.
“I’m not enjoying any of this,” I said to him. “Thank you for asking.”
“Miranda, is that you?” Dad called.
“Yeah, Dad,” I said, sticking my head into the living room, nice and casual. “I was looking for Lisa. I wanted to tell her Syl found a flannel sheet Gabriel can use for diapers. Oh, hi, Lisa. I bet Gabriel will like that, a new set of diapers.”
“I know I will,” Dad said. “We’ve been down to four diapers for weeks now. Every night we wash three and hope they’ll be dry by the morning.”
I imagined quickly what my life would have been like if I’d left with Dad and Lisa back in August. Only I couldn’t imagine. Maybe if I’d gone, Mom, Matt, and Jon would have left before winter got bad. Maybe I never would have seen them again, and I’d be like Lisa, not knowing if my family was still alive, only without her faith. Or maybe I’d have her faith. Lisa hadn’t been particularly religious that I could remember.
“I saw some textbooks, Miranda,” Alex said. “Julie’s in eighth grade. Would it be all right if we used some of your books?”
“They’re ninth grade textbooks,” I said, like that would make a difference. “Sure. Jon’s stopped using them, at least for the summer.”
“We have a Bible,” Lisa said. “Julie can read from that.”
Alex smiled at her. “Yes, she can,” he said. “Julie and I read from our missal. But it would be good for her to review spelling and grammar and math. She was a very good student when she went to Holy Angels.”
I was starting to see what Lisa was up against. Alex reminded me of Matt, only a 100 times more protective. Then again, Alex and Julie didn’t have a mother watching over them.
What were their lives like? How could they endure without parents? How had Syl?
No matter how awful I’d had it, I realized how lucky I was. Even now, back in my freezing cold closet, the only light coming from my two flashlight pens, I do understand that, in spite of everything, I’m one of the lucky ones.
Chapter 9
If you’d asked me a week ago what it would take for me to feel better, I would’ve said knowing how Dad and Lisa and the baby were, meeting a boy my own age, and running water.
Now I have all three. I guess I must feel better.
Dad and Matt got the water running again, which, with ten people and a baby in the house, is a really good thing. All that snow and rain have finally paid off, and the sound of the toilets flushing is music to everybody’s ears.
Gabriel isn’t exactly Baby Rachel, but I think he’s screaming a little bit less. Mom says Jon was colicky also, but I don’t remember. Charlie is great with the baby. I think the only times Gabriel isn’t crying is when he’s nursing and when Charlie sings him lullabies.
Alex may not be the teenage boy of my dreams, but he is a teenage boy. He’s eighteen, and if things had stayed normal, he’d be graduating high school this month and preparing to go to Georgetown. Julie told Jon, who told Mom, who told Matt, who told me.
If Alex isn’t the teenage boy of my dreams, Julie seems to be the teenage girl of Jon’s. Or maybe he’s just as desperate for someone his age as I was. He and Julie always seem to be sitting next to each other and talking, even playing chess. I guess Alex approves of Jon and Mom approves of Julie. I know Mom approves of Alex, who stands up every time Mom enters a room and says please and thank you and may I help you. He’s definitely Mom’s dream of a teenage boy.
