The Fifth Elephant

government needed butchers as well as shepherds? He indicated the little crossbow. 'All right, take it,' he said. 'But you can put the word about that if I ever, ever see one on the street the owner will find it put where the sun does not shine.'

'Ah,' said Inigo, 'that's the amusingly named place in Lancre, isn't it? It's only about fifty miles from here, I believe. Mhm, mhm.'

'Rest assured that I can find a short-cut.'

Gaspode tried blowing in Carrot's ear again.

'Time to wake up,' he growled.

Carrot opened his eyes, blinked the snow out of them, and then tried to move.

'You just lie still, right?' said Gaspode. 'If it helps, try thinking of them as a very heavy eiderdown.'

Carrot struggled feebly. The wolves piled on top of him shifted position.

'Warming you up a treat,' said Gaspode, grinning nervously. 'A wolf blanket, see? O'course, you're going to be a bit whiffy for a while, but better to be itchy than dead, eh?' He scratched an ear industriously with a hind leg. One of the wolves growled at him. 'Sorry. Grub'll be up in a moment.'

'Food?' muttered Carrot.

Angua appeared in Carrot's vision, dressed in a leather shirt and leggings. She stood looking down at him, hands on her hips. To Gaspode's amazement, Carrot actually managed to push himself up on his elbows, dislodging several wolves.

'You were tracking us?' he said.

'No, they were,' said Angua. 'They thought you were a bloody fool. I heard it on the howl. And they were right! You haven't eaten anything for three days! And up here winter doesn't drop a few hints over a month or so. It turns up in one night! Why were you so stupid?'

Gaspode looked around the clearing. Angua had rekindled the fire. Gaspode wouldn't have believed it if he hadn't seen it, but actual wolves had dragged in actual fallen wood for her. And then another had turned up with a small deer, still fat after the autumn. He dribbled at the smell of it roasting.

Something human and complicated was going on between Carrot and Angua. It sounded like an argument but it didn't smell like one. Anyway, recent events all made perfect sense to Gaspode. The female ran away and the male chased her. That's how it went. Actually, it was usually about twenty males of all sizes, but obviously, Gaspode conceded, things were a bit different for humans. Pretty soon, he reckoned, Carrot would notice the big male wolf sitting by the fire. And then the fur would fly. Humans, eh?

Gaspode wasn't sure of his own ancestry. There was some terrier, and a touch of spaniel, and probably someone's leg, and an awful lot of mongrel. But he took it as an article of faith that there was in all dogs a tiny bit of wolf, and his was urgently sending messages that the wolf by the fire was one you didn't even stare directly at.

It wasn't that the wolf was obviously vicious. He didn't need to be. Even sitting still he radiated the assurance of competent power. Gaspode was, if not the victor, then at least the survivor of many a street fight, and as such would not have gone against this animal even if backed up by a couple of lions and a man with an axe.

Instead he sidled over to a female wolf who was watching the fire haughtily.

'Yo, bitch,' he said.

'Vot vas zat?'

Gaspode reconsidered his strategy. 'Hi, foxy... er... wolf lady,' he tried.

A certain lowering of the temperature suggested that this one hadn't worked either.

' 'ullo, miss,' he said hopefully.

Her muzzle turned to point at him. Her eyes narrowed. 'Vot har you?' Ice slithered off every syllable.

'Gaspode's the name,' barked Gaspode, with insane cheerfulness. ' 'm a dog. That's a kind of wolf, sort of thing. So, what's your name, then?'

'Go avay.'

'No offence meant. 'ere, I heard tell wolves mate for life, right?'

'Vell?'

'Wish I could.'

Gaspode froze as the she-wolf's muzzle snapped an inch from his nose.

'Ver I come from ve eat things like you,' she said.

'Fair enough, fair enough,' muttered Gaspode, backing away. 'I don't know, you try to be friendly and this is what you get...'

Nearer the fire the humans were getting complicated. Gaspode slunk back and lay down.

'You could have told me,' Carrot was saying.

'It would've taken too long. You always want to understand things. Anyway, it's none of your business. This is family.'

Carrot waved a hand towards the wolf. 'He's a relative?' he said.

'No. He's a... friend.'

Gaspode's ears waggled. He thought: whoops.

'He's very big for a wolf,' said Carrot slowly, as if filing new information.

'He's a very big wolf,' said Angua, shrugging.

'Another werewolf?'

'No.'

'Just a wolf?'

'Yes,' said Angua sarcastically. 'Just a wolf.'

'And his name is... ?'

'He would not object to being called Gavin.'

'Gavin?'

'He once ate someone called Gavin.'

'What, all of him?'

'Of course not. Just enough to make certain that the man set no more wolf traps.' Angua smiled. 'Gavin is... quite unusual.'

Carrot looked at the wolf and smiled. He picked up a piece of wood and tossed it gently towards him. The wolf snapped it, dog-like, out of the air.

'I'm sure we'll be friends,' he said.

Angua sighed. 'Wait.'

Gaspode, the unheeded spectator, watched as Gavin, without taking his eyes off Carrot, very slowly bit the wood in two.

'Carrot?' said Angua sweetly. 'Don't do that again. Gavin isn't even in the same clan as these wolves, and he took over the pack without anyone even whining. He's not a dog. And he's a killer, Carrot. Oh, don't look like that. I don't mean he pounces on wandering kids or eats up the odd grandmother. I mean that if he thinks a human ought to die, that human is dead. He will always, always fight. He's very uncomplicated like that.'

'He's an old friend?' said Carrot.

'Yes.'

'A... friend.'

'Yes.' Angua rolled her eyes and said, in a voice of sing-song sarcasm, 'I was out in the woods one day and I fell into some old pit trap under the snow and some wolves found me and would have killed me but Gavin turned up and faced them down. Don't ask me why. People do things sometimes. So do wolves. End of story.'

'Gaspode said wolves and werewolves don't get on,' said Carrot patiently.

'He's right. If Gavin wasn't here they'd have torn me to pieces. I can look like a wolf but I'm not a wolf. I'm a werewolf! I'm not a human, either. I'm a werewolf! Get it? You know some of the remarks people make? Well, wolves don't make remarks. They go for the throat. Wolves have got a very good sense of smell. You can't fool it. I can pass for human, but I can't pass for wolf.'