The Fifth Elephant

'I never thought of it like that. I mean, you would just think that wolves and werewolves—'

'That's how it is,' sighed Angua.

'You said this was family,' said Carrot, as if working down a mental checklist.

'I meant it's personal. Gavin came all the way into Ankh-Morpork to warn me. He even slept on the timber wagons during the day so that he'd keep moving. Can you imagine how much nerve that took? It's got nothing to do with the Watch. It's got nothing to do with you.'

Carrot looked around. The snow was falling again, turning into rain above the fire.

'I'm here now.'

'Go away. Please. I can sort this out.'

'And then you'll come back to Ankh-Morpork? Afterwards?'

'I...' Angua hesitated.

'I think I should stay' said Carrot.

'Look, the city needs you,' said Angua. 'You know Vimes relies on—'

'I've resigned.'

For a moment Gaspode thought he could hear the sound of every settling snowflake.

'Not really?'

'Yes.'

'And what did old Stoneface say?'

'Er, nothing. He'd already left for Uberwald.'

'Vimes is coming to Uberwald?'

'Yes. For the coronation.'

'He's got mixed up in this?' said Angua.

'Mixed up in what?'

'Oh, my family's been... stupid. I'm not quite sure I know everything, but the wolves are worried. When werewolves make trouble, it's the real wolves that always suffer. People'll kill anything with fur.' Angua stared at the fire for a moment and then said, with forced brightness, 'So who's been left in charge?'

'I don't know. Fred Colon's got seniority.'

'Ha, yes. In his nightmares.' Angua hesitated. 'You really left?'

'Yes.'

'Oh.'

Gaspode listened to some more snowflakes.

'Well, you won't get far by yourselves now,' said Angua, standing up. 'Rest for another hour. And then we'll be going through the deep forest. Not too much snow there yet. We've got a lot of ground to cover. I hope you can keep up.'

At breakfast early next morning Vimes noticed that the other guests were keeping so far away from him that they were holding on to the walls.

'The men who went out came back around midnight, sir,' said Cheery quietly.

'Did they catch anyone?'

'Um... sort of, sir. They found seven dead bodies.'

'Seven?'

'They think some others might have got away where there's a path up the rocks.'

'But, seven? Detritus got one, and... I got one, and a couple were wounded, and Inigo got... one...' Vimes's voice tailed off.

He stared at Inigo Skimmer, who was sitting on the other side of the room at a crowded public table. The places around Vimes and Lady Sybil were deserted; Sybil had put it down to deference. The little man was eating soup in a little neat self-contained world among the waving arms and intrusive elbows. He'd even tucked a napkin under his chin.

'They were... very dead, sir,' Cheery whispered.

'Well, that was... interesting,' said Sybil, wiping her mouth delicately. 'I've never had soup with sausages in it for breakfast before. What is it called, Cheery?'

'Fatsup, your ladyship,' said Cheery. 'It means 'fat soup'. We're close to the Schmaltzberg fat layers now, and, well, it's nourishing and keeps out the cold.'

'How very interesting.' Lady Sybil looked at her husband. He hadn't taken his eyes off Inigo.

The door opened and Detritus ducked inside, banging snow off his knuckles.

'It's not too bad,' he said. 'Dey say it'd be a good idea to make an early start, sir.'

'I bet they do,' said Vimes, and thought: they don't want someone like me hanging around. There's no knowing who'll die next.

Several faces he vaguely recalled from last night were missing now. Presumably some travellers had started off even earlier, which meant that the news was probably running ahead of him. He'd staggered in, covered in blood and mud, carrying a crossbow and, d'you know, when they went back to look there were seven dead men. By the time that sort of story had gone ten miles he'd be carrying an axe as well, and make that thirty dead men and a dog.

The diplomatic career had certainly got off to a good start, eh?

As they got into the coach he saw the little dart stuck in the door jamb. It was metallic, with metal fins, and overall had a look of speed, as if, when you touched it, you'd burn your fingers.

He walked around to the back of the coach. There was another, much larger arrow high in the woodwork.

'They tried to catch up with you on the upgrade,' said Inigo, behind him.

'You killed them.'

'Some got away.'

'I'm surprised.'

'I've only got one pair of hands, your grace.'

Vimes glanced up at the inn sign. Crudely painted on the boards was a large red head, complete with trunk and tusks.

'This is the Inn of the Fifth Elephant,' said Inigo. 'You left the law behind when we passed Lancre, your grace. Here it's the lore. What you keep is what you can. What's yours is what you fight for. The fittest survive.'

'Ankh-Morpork is pretty lawless too, Mister Skimmer.'

'Ankh-Morpork has many laws. It's just that people don't obey them. And that, your grace, is quite a different bowl of fat, mmhm, mmph.'

They set off in convoy. Detritus sat on the roof of the leading coach, which lacked a door and most of one side. The view was flat and white, a featureless expanse of snow.

After a while they passed a clacks tower. Burn marks on one side of the stone base suggested that someone had thought that no news was good news, but the semaphore shutters, were clacking and twinkling in the light.

'The whole world is watching,' said Vimes.

'But it's never cared,' said Skimmer. 'Up until now. And now it wants to rip the top off the country and take what's underneath, mmph, mmhm.'

Ah, thought Vimes, our killer clerk does have more than one emotion.

'Ankh-Morpork has always tried to get on well with other nations,' said Sybil. 'Well... these days, at least.'

'I don't think we exactly try, dear,' said Vimes. 'It's just that we found that— Why're we stopping?'

He pulled down the window. 'What's happening, sergeant?'

'Waiting for dese dwarfs, sir,' the troll called down.

Several hundred dwarfs, four abreast, were trotting across the white plain towards them. There was, Vimes thought, something very determined about them.