After several seconds, it stops quivering, dead.
Ben reaches down, slings the animal over his shoulder. He turns, and together we walk back to the cave. As we go, I grab kindling, dry branches everywhere, filling my arms. Then I grab wide pine branches, gathering what will be a huge blanket and pillow for Rose.
My heart fills with optimism. The skies grow darker and the snow stronger and the wind whips at full force, but I don’t care. We have shelter-real shelter-with fresh food for all, and wood for fire. For once, I feel things are going our way.
Finally, a sense of peace has settled over us. We all sit huddled together, deep inside the cave, spread out around a roaring fire. It turned out that the matches I salvaged from dad’s house were invaluable, as was the kindling I brought in from outside. It all helped to get the fire going, and once it started, we all took turns going outside, finding small logs that were as dry as possible, and throwing them on the ever-growing fire. dad’s tools even came in handy, as I used the hammer and screwdriver to chip off the wet bark, get rid of all the wet layers and get the wood as dry as possible. Now the fire is roaring, giving us all the desperately needed warmth we’ve been craving for days.
As I sit there, holding my hands out before it, rubbing my palms, I slowly feel my limbs begin to relax. I didn’t realize how tense they were, how frozen up I was. I feel like I’m de-thawing, getting back to myself again. It’s amazing how warm it’s becoming in here. With the roaring fire and the shelter from the wind and snow, it’s almost like being inside.
As I glance outside, at the mouth of the cave, I see that it is dark. The storm has gotten worse, much worse, and continues to fall heavily, silently, ominously piling up outside the cave, now nearly a foot high. The wind whistles, and occasionally, a particularly strong gust sends a few flakes into the cave. But mostly, we are well sheltered. This place is a godsend. I don’t know how we would have survived otherwise.
Logan sits by himself, at the mouth of the cave, looking out at the storm, watching the darkening sky, and mostly keeping his eyes fixed on the boat. I went over and checked on it myself a few times. Always it was the same: bobbing wildly in the stormy water, but tied securely, as sheltered as it could be from the storm. The boat’s not going anywhere. There’s no one in sight as far as the eye could see. And with the wind and snow raging, and the boat hidden on two sides, I don’t see who would even see it. I think Logan’s being paranoid. But if it makes him feel better to sit there and watch it, so be it. Eventually he’ll have to come back to the fire and warm himself up.
Beside me, leaning over the fire, is Ben. He’s impressed me with his skills: to my surprise, he took my hunting knife and went to work on the deer, and in minutes, he had it expertly skinned. Then he cut it into perfect chunks, knowing exactly which parts to dispose of. Then he cut the meat into five big portions, impaled each on a sharpened stick, and propped them over the roaring flames. He turns the meat every so often, and the smell of it has been filling my senses for an hour, making my stomach growl. It smells delicious and I’m salivating at the thought of eating a real meal.
I look over again at Rose. I brought her close to the fire, beneath a thick bed of pine needles, and I can see she’s still sleeping an uneasy sleep, her brow furrowed. I changed her bandage again a few hours ago, and as I did, I recoiled at its color. Worse, her wound was badly inflamed, spreading up her arm in both directions, and was starting to smell. It has turned gangrene. I don’t like how quickly her bandages are still soaking up blood.
Rose looks delirious. I give her a sleeping pill every few hours, but I don’t know how much longer that’s going to work. I don’t know what else to do for her. I feel so helpless.
What she really needs is medicine. Specialized medicine. And I have no idea where to even begin to look. Even if somehow I could brave this weather and take the boat out into the blizzard with whatever fuel we have left, even if I could somehow find a town somewhere, it’s not like we’d find a working pharmacy. I know it would be a lost cause-and only endanger the rest of us.
So I do the best I can to just keep her comfortable, and pray for the best. I come over, reach down, and slowly untie her latest bandage, filled with blood.
Rose groans in pain as I take it off. Once again, I curse that crazy who bit her.
I leave the bandage off, letting the wound air out, and go to mouth of the cave, and grab a handful of snow as I have done several times. I come back with it and kneel beside her and place it on Rose’s wound. She winces and groans as I do. I’m hoping the snow will have a cleansing, cooling effect. I take a fresh bandage, dried by the fire, and delicately wrap it around her wound.
Rose opens her eyes and looks up at me. They are so small and afraid.
“ Thank you,” she says.
My heart breaks at the sound of her voice. She is so sweet, so courageous. If I were her age, I doubt I would be half as brave. Any other girl would be screaming and wailing.
I lean down and kiss her forehead and am alarmed to feel how clammy it is. My heart is breaking into a million pieces; I know this cannot end well. I don’t see how it possibly can.
I want to scream at the world, at the injustice of it all. It’s not fair. For such a sweet and beautiful and amazing girl like this to be taken away from us. I’m at a loss for words, and do my best to hold back tears and appear strong for her.
“ You’re going to be fine,” I say, summoning the most confident voice I can.
She smiles weakly, as if seeing right through me. It makes me think of something someone once told me: the dying are granted the gift to see through all of our lies.
Bree, sitting on Rose’s other side, reaches over and strokes back her hair. Bree looks more tormented than Rose; I’ve never seen her so upset, my entire life. It is almost as if she’s the one who has been injured.
Penelope leans on Rose’s chest and licks her face from time to time.
“ Will you eat something?” I ask Rose.
“ I can try,” she says weakly. “But I’m not very hungry.”
I pull over the sack and pull out a jar of jam and unscrew it. I can smell it from here: it’s cherry. It smells delicious.
“ Do you like cherry?” I ask her.
“ My favorite,” she answers.
I reach in with my finger, take a small scoop, and place it on her lips. She licks it, closes her eyes and smiles. I reach out with another, but she shakes her head no. “I’ve had enough,” she says.
I hand the jar to Bree, but she shakes her head.
“ Please, Bree, you need to eat.”
“ Give mine to Rose,” she says, staring down with sadness.
I hold out a fingerful to Penelope, and she devours it without hesitating.
“ It’s ready,” comes a voice.
I turn and see Ben has removed the pieces of cooked meat off the fire. He holds out the sticks and I take one and pass it to Bree. I take another, and hold it up for Rose. I lean over, hold up her head, and gently bring the food to her lips.
“ Please Rose,” I say. “You need to have something. This will help you get better.”
“ I’m not hungry,” she says. “Really.”
“ Please. For me.”
I can see she doesn’t want to, but Rose does me a favor and takes a tiny bite from a piece of meat. She chews weakly, looking at me.
“ You remind me of my mom,” she says.
My eyes water up and it takes everything in me to hold back my tears.
“ I loved her,” Rose says.
“ What happened to her?” I ask. I know I shouldn’t. Whatever the answer is, it won’t be good.
“ I don’t know,” she answers. “They took me away from her. She tried to save me. But there were too many of them. I never saw her again. Do you think she’s okay?” she asks.
I try my best to smile.
“ I think she’s fine,” I lie. “And do you know what else?”
Rose slowly shakes her head.
“ I know that if she was here, right now, she would be so proud of you.”
