Please, god. Please.
At first nothing happens. My heart drops.
But I turn again and again, twist it farther to the right, and slowly, it begins to catch. At first it is a quiet sound, like a dying cat. But I hold it, twist again and again, and eventually, it turns over more.
Come on, come on.
It finally catches, rumbling and groaning to life. It clutters and gasps, clearly on its last legs. At least it’s running.
I can’t help smiling, flooding with relief. It works. It really works. We’re going to be able to make it to my house, bury my dog, get food. I feel as if Sasha’s looking down, helping us. Maybe my dad, too.
The passenger door opens and in jumps Bree, bristling with excitement, scooting over in the one vinyl seat, right next to me, as Logan jumps in beside her, slamming the door, looking straight ahead.
“ What you waiting for?” he says. “Clock’s ticking.”
“ You don’t need to tell me twice,” I say, equally short with him.
I put it into gear and floor it, reversing out of the shed and into the snow and afternoon sky. At first the wheels catch in the snow, but I give it more gas, and we sputter forward.
We drive, swerving on the bald tires, across a field, bumpy, getting jolted every which way. But we continue forward, and that’s all I care about.
Soon, we are on a small country road. I am so thankful the snow was melting most of the day-otherwise, we’d never make it.
We start picking up good speed. The truck surprises me, calming down as it warms up. We hit almost 40 as we ride Route 23 heading west. I keep pushing it, until we hit a pothole, and I regret it. We all groan, as we slam our heads. I slow down. The potholes are nearly impossible to see in the snow, and I forgot how bad these roads have become.
It’s eerie being back on this road, heading back to what was once home. I am retracing the road I took when chasing the slaverunners, and memories come flooding back. I remember racing down here on a motorcycle, thinking I was going to die, and I try to put it out of my mind.
As we go, we come across the huge tree felled in the road, now covered in snow. I recognize it as the tree that had been felled on my way out, the one downed to block the path of the slaverunners, by some unknown survivalist out there who was looking after us. I can’t help but wonder if there are other people out there now, surviving, maybe even watching us. I look from side to side, combing the woods. But I see no signs.
We are making good time and to my relief, nothing is going wrong. I don’t trust it. It is almost as if it is too easy. I glance at the gas gage and see we haven’t used much. But I don’t know how accurate it is, and for a moment I wonder if there’ll be enough gas to get us there and back. I wonder if it was a stupid idea to try this.
We finally turn off the main road, onto the narrow, winding country road that will bring us up the mountain, to dad’s house. I’m more on edge now, as we twist and turn of the mountain, the cliffs dropping off steeply to my right. I look out and can’t help noticing the view is incredible, spanning the entire Catskill mountain range. But the drop-off is steep and the snow is thicker up here, and I know that with one wrong turn, one wrong skid, this old heap of rust will go right over the edge.
To my surprise, the truck hangs in there. It is like a bulldog. Soon we are past the worst of it, and as we turn a bend, I suddenly spot our former house.
“ Hey! Dad’s house!” Bree yells out, sitting up in excitement.
I’m relieved to see it, too. We’re here, and we made good time.
“ See,” I say to Logan, “that wasn’t so bad.”
Logan doesn’t seem relieved, though; his face is set in a grimace, on edge as he watches the trees.
“ We made it here,” he grumbles. “We didn’t make it back.”
Typical. Refusing to admit he was wrong.
I pull up in front of our house and see the old slaverunner tracks. It brings flashing back all the memories, all the dread I’d felt when they’d taken Bree. I reach over and drape an arm around her shoulder, clutch her tight, resolve to never let her out of my sight again.
I cut the ignition and we all jump out and head quickly towards the house.
“ Sorry if it’s a mess,” I say to Logan as I step past him, up to the front door. “I wasn’t expecting guests.”
Despite himself, he suppresses a smile.
“ Ha ha,” he says, flatly. “Should I take off my shoes?”
A sense of humor. That surprises me.
As I open the door and step inside, any sense of humor I had suddenly falls away. When I see the site before me, my heart drops. There is Sasha, lying there, her blood dried, her body stiff and frozen. Just a few feet away is the corpse of the slaverunner Sasha had killed, his corpse frozen, too, stuck to the floor.
I look down at the jacket I’m wearing-his jacket-the clothes I’m wearing-his clothes-my boots-his boots-and it gives me a funny feeling. Almost as if I’m his walking double.
Logan looks over at me and must realize it too.
“ You didn’t take his pants?” he asks.
I look down and remember I did not. It was too much.
I shake my head.
“ Stupid,” he says.
Now that he mentions it, I realize he is right. My old jeans are wet and cold, and sticking to me. And even if I don’t want them, Ben might. It’s a shame to waste them: after all, it is perfectly good clothing.
I hear muffled cries and look over to see Bree standing there, looking down at Sasha. It breaks my heart to see her face like that, crumpled up, staring down at her former dog.
I walk over to her and put an arm around her.
“ It’s okay, Bree,” I say. “Look away.”
I kiss her on the forehead and try to turn her away, but she throws me off with surprising strength.
“ No,” she says.
She steps forward, kneels down and hugs Sasha on the ground. She wraps her arms around her neck, and leans over and kisses her head.
Logan I exchange a glance. Neither of us know what to do.
“ We haven’t time,” Logan says. “You need to bury her, and move on.”
I kneel down beside her, lean over and stroke Sasha’s head.
“ It’s going to be okay, Bree. Sasha’s in a better place now. She’s happy now. Do you hear me?”
Tears drop from her eyes, and she reaches up, takes a deep breath, and wipes them away with the back of her hand.
“ We can’t leave her here like this,” she says. “We have to bury her.”
“ We will,” I say.
“ We can’t,” Logan says. “The ground is frozen solid.”
I stand and look at Logan, more annoyed than ever. Especially because I realize he is right. I should have thought of that.
“ Then what do you suggest?” I ask.
“ It’s not my problem. I’ll stand guard outside.”
Logan turns and marches outside, slamming the front door behind him.
I turn back to Bree, trying to think quick.
“ He’s right,” I say. “We don’t have time to bury her.”
“ NO!” she wails. “You promised. You promised!”
She’s right. I did promise. But I hadn’t thought it all through carefully. The thought of leaving Sasha here like this kills me. But I can’t risk our own lives either. Sasha wouldn’t want that.
I have an idea.
“ What about the river, Bree?”
She turns and looks at me.
“ What if we give her a water burial? You know, like they do for soldiers who die in honor?”
