Confessions Of An English Traveler

know.

“I don't know what the hell ails most women. I think they're damned stupid. The only thing they got to hold a man is between their legs. And do you think they for one moment educate their cunts?

“The smart ones do, of course. They roll things between their cunt's lips-lead pencils, small rolling pins, and the like. That way they develop strong muscles. When a man climbs on a woman that's trained herself to fuck he's lucky if he can escape without having his cock pulled off, you bet you!”

My uncle-who digressed much-was off on another favorite discussion, but I brought him back to the present, and once again his eyes glistened as he remembered the lovely female contortionist.

“She could pull on her tongue with her cunt. Well, she cleans her cunt good, licking the lips well-and by God, she opened each lip, one at a time, so she could lick its red side. She had the sweetest little box I've ever put Old Faithful into.”

(Old Faithful was my uncle's nickname for his penis, of course. He continuously described each female as the best piece of cock I ever had.. He says there is much cunt in Kingston. He wants me to go there and start an all male whorehouse with him.)

“Well, finally she uncoils, but she's still on her arms, palms on the bed, her legs straight out, her ass about two feet above the bed, pointing down of course.

“I just stand there and gawk, my cock as long as a pole and as hard as my head, and she swings back and forth, using her arms for poles, and then she says, “Get under me on your back.”

I was so surprised I asked why. She grimaced and said I was stupid and that she wanted to fuck me, of course. “Didn't you come here to get fucked? What did you pay good money for, simpleton?”

“I don't like to be called such names,” I said, “and I paid you to fuck me, stupid.”

“Then get under me on your back. Here, let me kiss you first, huh?”

“I puckered up my lips but damned if she didn't kiss my cock instead, even taking my bulb into her mouth as her tongue ran over my pee-hole, driving me into a cold sweat.

“Her lips were just as strong as her cunt's lips, for she really twisted my big peter when she released it with her mouth. I knew then we'd get along good. She'd be a hell of a strong sucker, and when a good cocksucking woman gets my cock in her mouth-”

My uncle started digressing again; again, I got him back on the right track. “Well, I get on that bed, see. I lay on my back. I point my feet toward her. She told me to put both feet close together. I did that. She then told me to slide under her, which I did.

“Holy smoke, my cock just tickled her asshole. She had schemed things that close, the vixen. She's still swinging back and forth, remember, using her arms for legs.

“Each time her crack goes ahead she trails my cock over her asshole and cunt. She then swings back and my prick still drags over her two essentials, and I've got a real leadpipe hard on and it's aching to land somewhere in her rectum or vagina, believe you me!”

I asked my uncle if he were telling me a fib. He looked wounded and dug into a drawer of his dresser and came out with a drawing of a lovely woman, naked and big of breast, balanced on both arms, palms flat as she swung back and forth like a swing.

“That's her,” my uncle said, “and look at what she wrote below, you doubting bastard.”

My good uncle calls me vile names but this is only because he loves me, his only nephew. He and my father were very, very close brothers. What was written below was so obscene I would not mention it here but it was signed to my uncle by Willie.

“Willie's a man's name,” I pointed out.

“You poor simpleton asshole,” my uncle said. “Her name was Wilhemina, and short is Willie, ignorant.”

I said, “Quit calling me vile names and go on, please.”

“Where was I? Oh, yes-”

Willie had asked my uncle whether he wanted his penis in her rectum or vagina, and my uncle had said rectum. “But there's no oil or grease around, “he said, “and your asshole is dry-”

“Please do not talk dirty,” Willie had corrected. “Please do not refer to my anus as an asshole, my good man.”

“But there's still no oil or grease,” my uncle said.

“We can solve that. Just lie still, sir.”

What did Willie intend to do? My uncle's unspoken question was soon answered for Willie's buttocks dipped low suddenly. Her cunt opened and took my uncle's knob and twisted it.

“When she let my cock go it was all white on the knob. She swung her ass ahead and when her anus was over my prick down it came. I didn't enter her rectum. She kept her asshole tightly closed, but she did deposit the white goo from her cunt around her asshole's edges.”

My face must have expressed doubt for he said, “You don't believe, huh? Well, why go on, then?”

“I believe you,” I hastily assured.

He looked at me with his searching, haunting eyes-the eyes women said were those of a lost male, a little boy, that they instinctively wanted to mother.

Finally he said, 'There isn't much more to tell. I'll go on with it just to finish, if nothing else. Well, she swung back and forth on her arms, my cock moving white goo from her cunt to her asshole. Finally her asshole was good and sloppy. I then entered her rather easily.

“She fucked me. I didn't fuck her. She went up and down on my cock, raising her body by her arms, letting her body fall-and never once did her buttocks touch my belly, so close was her precision.

“When she went up, she twisted her buttocks. That was easy to do, you know, with her ass floating free in air. She rose to the top of my knob, twisted again, then settled, sliding down my cock like it was a maypole, or something.

“She twisted all the time, this way, then that- and my cock was a living, hammering thing. Her bowels were full. Shit came down my cock and ran into my hair and I felt some trickle down across my asshole, but I paid the stink and brown no attention, because I was really getting fucked for the first time-really fucked.

“Man alive, she could pull it out of man's balls. When I finally shot my wad-which wasn't long afterwards-I filled her with my goo up to her belly button, so believe me folks!”

My uncle then related that the contortionist had him sex her in her natural opening, lubricating this with brown from her rectum.

“My prick fell down after I had an orgasm in her rectum, of course. You can read about men who have a hard on all the time and can go from cunt to rectum and then to mouth and discharge in each opening, but don't believe that because that's shit — pure, unmitigated shit, no more.

“I'm as good a prickhound as any but after each time I get a soft on, and I defy you to show me a man who doesn't.

“Yeah, my prick's limber, of course, but that don't make any difference. Her cunt comes down and so help me I know you won't believe this but her cunt lips seem to reach down-this is the gospel truth, nephew-and they grab my cock and suck it right up into her cunt!”

“I know you'll say that's an impossibility. I know you have grounds for saying that, but on my word of honor it's true-her cunt's lips just pulled my soft penis right up into her vagina.”

My uncle related that he lay back with his eyes closed and just allowed her to do all the work. “God, it was good. Those cunt lips massaged my cock like a man does when he runs his prick between his palms, rolling it like. I just let myself drift.

“Within minutes, I had another erection again. My testicles lusted to shoot my wad into her vagina. Her buttocks went up and down with even, sure strokes. She had confidence in her ability.

“Then do you know what happened?”

My uncle was a great one for what he called suspense. “What happened?” I asked.

“Well, with my cock still in her box she swings her head around and licks my balls and looks back at me, my cock between us, and she says, “Am I a tight fit, young man?”

“You sure are,” I said, “and you sure know how to do it, lady.”

She looked up at my cock opening her cunt, about half my prick in her. She eyes my cock and her cunt