Confessions Of An English Traveler

my cock from a pail of warm lard, of course, but I do believe doing so would feel much as when I took my penis from the French bitch.

“Darling, how you can fuck,” a throaty voice said.

Definitely not the dulcet, low voice of my lady.

“Now will you fuck me in the ass?” the vulgar French whore asked. “I've never had a cock as big as yours up my rectum.”

I stiffened with anger. This French bitch took me, an English, for granted, for she spoke to me as a mistress speaks to a balky servant. Then a sudden thought hit me.

None had paid directly to date but this bitch would pay and I said, 'That will be five hundred francs extra.”

“What are five hundred to me? Put it up my asshole, Englishman.”

Episode Number Twelve

I recited Episode Eleven not to sexually stimulate any weak-minded reader but to merely show the reader two things: to portray to the aspiring cocksman the pitfalls that a cocksman might encounter and to show my rising and finally overwhelming desire to break the virginal veil of Lady Haversock.

Indeed, I fell in love with the lovely lady, and no cocksman should ever-yes, ever! — allow himself to degenerate to the point where he falls in love with a victim or intended victim.

Only males with great sexual drives should undertake the profession of cocksmanship… if a profession it can be called. Some males are more heavily sexed than others. Why this is, I don't know. Let us take a look at my uncle.

“I had my first sexual encounter when I was a mere five years old,” my uncle wrote in his famous biography of his cocksmanship.

My uncle wrote that his first sexual duel occurred with a young maid in his father's household. Again I quote from his rather lengthy but always interesting tome.

“I learned to read at an early age,” my good uncle wrote. “I had an overwhelming desire to read and practiced sounding words each time I had an opportunity.

“This particular day I was alone in my room reciting the alphabet for I had a hard time realizing that r always followed q for it seemed logical to me that q should be followed by u for each word in the English language that holds a q finds the q always followed by a u.

“The young maid entered. She bowed and bade me good day and then began clearing the floor of my books and colors, for I was then as untidy as I am to this very day. She got on her hands and knees to dig things from under my bed. Her dress shot up as she knelt.

“She wore no underthings. I saw her asshole clearly and my hands became damp as I made them into small fists.

“My blood boiled suddenly. Before I know what was happening my little cock-it was only about four inches long, then-was pushing upward. I wanted to fuck her, then and there-and, of course, the desire came from sheer instinct, for each man at birth is given the rudiments of fucking.

“His job is to take what comes instinctively and add his knowledge to it and become an expert at wielding his cock, something few men take the effort to learn.

“Either that or they're too stupid to learn how to fuck properly and pull everything out of a woman's ovaries. But that is belaboring a point and I shall return to across the many years and my first view of a woman's ass, the most lovely sight a man can ever, ever witness.”

My uncle lit his pipe, which like all pipes continuously went out, and a mystical smile curved his lips under his mustache, for he'd grown a mustache in pure rebellion, saying “that growing a mustache is about the only thing a man can do that a woman can't, and some females have a good start in invading a territory that should be solely for the human male!”

“The maid had herself halfway under my bed, her ass pointing straight upward at me. I remember seeing her asshole and thinking how round and brown it was and I saw something white in her hair but I didn't know what that was, of course.

“Later on, when I got older, she told me one night, snuggled in my arms in my bed, that my sire had also penetrated her that day-indeed, he'd been at that time fucking her for some months, having gone to bed with her the day she arrived or she'd not have had her job.

“And jobs, at that time, were very scarce in England, as history will reveal.”

My uncle related that he wasn't aware of dropping his trousers and underthings, his eyes riveted on the maid's buttocks. Now let him tell the story in his own words as best I can remember, for we depart from his book and record conversations.

“I don't remember getting on my knees behind her but there I was with my little cock in her crack. She didn't back out from under the bed. She just said, 'You little devil, what do you want?'

“Actually, I didn't know what to say. I didn't know just what I wanted, of course. I'd acted only on instinct. Now that I had my penis pressing against her asshole what was I to do.”

My uncle said he blushingly took his penis from the girl's crack and walked to his desk and sat down, a mere puzzled child of a long five years. The maid then back out from under the bed, got to her feet, and looked at his penis, still erect and ready.

“How old are you?” she asked. My uncle told her his age. She shook her head as though in disbelief. “You're big for your age in two ways,” she said. “In body size and cock size. Have you ever fucked before?”

My uncle asked her what fuck meant. She laughed and went to the door and locked it and came back and lay on the bed, pulling her dress up around her waist and spreading her thigh legs wide and raising them high.

“I'll show you what fuck means,” she said. “Come on the bed. No, keep your pants off, little boy. There, get behind my ass-that's right, like that. Now go to your knees. And remember to keep a hard-on, darling.”

My uncle related that the first time his penis touched a woman's pubic hair his heart almost leaped from his small chest. I must state here and now that I did not then believe my uncle's story and still do not believe it for I think it impossible that a boy no more than five could fuck a grown woman… or any female, for that matter.

“She reached down and took my penis in her hand. She began skinning my small foreskin back and forth over my little knob and she said something I'll never forget.”

She told my uncle never to become circumcised because a woman liked feeling a man's knob slide in and out of its foreskin while his cock was in her vagina. Of course, she wasted her time. My uncle didn't know what circumcised meant and the word vagina was completely beyond his comprehension.

He promised her faithfully he'd not become circumcised, and he had difficulty pronouncing the word. She helped him in the pronunciation, all the time skinning back my cock, as my uncle called it.

“She raped me, not I her,” my uncle loved to boast. “The first thing I knew, my little cock was in her cunt. Of course, her cunt was very big for a prick my size, and looking back I realize she had a small cunt, for she stayed with my family until I was about twenty, and I guess I fucked her more than any other woman I've put my blade to.

“Let me see… If I fucked her the last time when I was twenty and the first time when I was five we had about fifteen years of cocking each other, and then my father fucked her all this time, too, you know.

“She was always singing and joking and happy. My mother was always snapping and morose and ugly. I realize now that my father possibly never did it to my mother, for I was the last child she had.

“The maid was happy because she got all the cock she needed and then some, for every gardener we had did it to her too, I would believe. She also had sex with the policeman and others around there. She wasn't stingy. But to get back to my little penis in her vagina.