Beyond Shame

“Nothing so inflexible.” Lex grinned and tugged at his pants until the button and zipper both opened under her fingers. “Did you like watching her touch me?”

Dallas growled. “What do you think, Lex?”

His cock jumped in her hand, rigid and hot. “You liked it. Maybe…” She fought to steady her breathing and stroked him slowly. “Maybe you’re more interested in watching her eat my pussy. You’d have to teach her how.”

“I think we’re into your fantasies now.” He sank a hand into her hair. “Not that I wouldn’t enjoy the hell out of watching her lick you with her shy little tongue. It’d take her forever, but that’s part of the fun, isn’t it?”

“Part of it.” The rest was the thought of control, both seizing and relinquishing it.

Maybe it showed on her face, or maybe he just knew her that well. “She’d do anything I told her to. I don’t think you’d be as obedient.”

“You don’t want me to be.” Lex leaned over and let her hair trail over his dick.

He jerked the hair he held twisted around his hand and hauled her head up. “When I want your obedience, I’ll get it.”

He seemed so sure of that, as sure as he was of everything else, and the realization both terrified and comforted her. There was no mountain Dallas O’Kane couldn’t climb. No woman, either.

She swallowed hard. “Noelle would mind herself, kneel at your feet and await your command. So would that new girl—Six.”

“Probably,” he agreed mildly. “Noelle doesn’t know any better, and Six has been beaten down.”

“Not me.” An unpleasant possibility drew Lex up short, and she stared at him. “Is it a problem?”

“Now what part of what I just said made it sound like a problem, Lexie? You think I want you to be clueless?” His hand relaxed, cupping the back of her neck as he smoothed his thumb over her throat. “You think I want you beaten?”

“No,” she whispered. “But I’m starting to think you don’t want me to be the way that I am.”

Dallas sighed and closed his eyes. “There’s what’s good for the gang, what’s good for business, and what’s good for you. What I want doesn’t rate on the list most days.”

She couldn’t let him own her, but it still hurt to watch him like this. “Is this about Trent?”

“It’s about you being exposed.” Dallas released her and refastened his pants. “I like you just the way you are, Lex. I don’t want to put you on a leash. But you stand out, and that’s not safe for you.”

She barely heard the words, all her attention focused on his hands. He was getting good at that, at pulling away when she wanted to bring him closer. At one time, her touch had melted his resistance, and it had been enough. But now…

Distance. She could feel it, a chasm yawning between them, and a blowjob wouldn’t fix it. She’d been so damn careful not to challenge him outright, never to compromise his authority.

Somehow, she’d failed.

Lex couldn’t stop the words that tumbled out. “You don’t want me on a leash, but that’s what they’d like to see, isn’t it? It’s what they understand.” She caught his wrist. “Collar me. Give them the show they need.”

Dallas hauled her down into his lap. “Say that again?”

It sounded like a request, except for the intense thread of command in his voice. “A collar,” she repeated softly. “Not for real, I mean. We’ll know the truth.”

“A collar. For show.” A low laugh shook his chest. “Don’t lie to yourself, Lex. You’re smarter than that. You and I can’t share a bed for show.”

He’d have her on her knees every night, screaming herself hoarse. “I’m not talking about fucking.” She held his gaze. “I’m talking about control. Enough to satisfy anyone who thinks I’m stringing you along by your dick.”

He gave her a too-serious look, ruined only by the twitch of his lips. “Aren’t you?”

She didn’t bother to be careful where she put her knees as she climbed off his lap. “Go ahead and laugh at me, Dallas. Like I give a shit.”

He uncoiled like a spring, shooting half off the couch to drag her against him. This time, he closed his hands around her arms and trapped her, her back to his chest. “This is all my fault. I let you get away with shit none of the others would dare, and you’re so used to it you don’t even realize.”

She struggled, her own fury rising. “Then don’t do me any more fucking favors. Treat me like everyone else.”

“I’d turn anyone else over my damn knee right about now. Settle the hell down.”

Lex stilled, forcing herself to slowly breathe in and out. “Can I go now?”

“No.” His grip eased, caging her without crushing her. “We haven’t discussed the collar yet. It’s a good idea, if we can do it without killing each other.”

“It’s not the only solution.” She craned her neck to look back at him. “I can find someone else. You didn’t want me, simple as that.”

“I think we both know that’s bullshit.”

Which part? “Then you’re stuck with me, Declan.”

“Mmm.” He rubbed his thumbs over the backs of her arms, stroking in slow, lazy circles. “The collar might be for show, but I’m not a noble man. You know you can’t fuck anyone else while you’re wearing it.”

She shivered. “It wouldn’t be very convincing if I did. Unless you were with me.”

“And I will be.” Dallas pressed his mouth to her ear. “Put yourself in my hands, Lexie. Just a little. Let me keep you safe, and I’ll make it worth anything you have to give up.”

You had to have something in order to give it up, and what did she have? Desire, a longing so primal it felt as if it had always been a part of her. His lips grazed her ear again, and Lex released a shaky breath. “How will you do that?”

“You’ll see, love. Soon enough, you’ll see.”

Chapter Eleven

Jasper was halfway into a bottle when someone pounded on his door. Noelle’s voice followed, low and intent. “Please let me in. I forgot to put on pants.”

Of course. Groaning, he rubbed a hand over his face and opened the door. “What the fuck are you doing with no pants on?”

“Bren put me to bed.” She ducked under his arm without waiting for an invitation, padding into his room on bare feet. “I got up after he was gone, but I’ve never been to your room before. I knocked on three wrong doors.”

Jesus Christ, she was in her underwear, tiny black panties that bared more than half of her ass. “Well, here you are. What do you want?”

She wandered over to his punching bag and traced her fingers over the leather. “This is the first time we’ve been alone together. In private, I mean. You never touch me when we’re alone together, only in front of other people.”

He’d thought it the most expedient way to cut through the inexperience she sometimes wore like armor. “You don’t like it?”

“I like it when you touch me in front of other people.” She wandered around the punching bag, dragging her hand across it until she’d made a full circle and was facing him. She was still drunk, sleepy-eyed and loose-tongued, and she kept talking, raw truth tumbling past her lips. “I like it more than I feel like I should. Sometimes I wish you’d just tell me I’m bad. Take me over your knee and spank me and let me pretend I’m atoning for my sins instead of committing a new one by wanting your hand on my ass until it’s all I can think about.”

Maybe it wasn’t a hurdle to get past, an obstacle to surmount. Maybe Ace was right, and the punishment was part of her pleasure. “Bend over the table.”

Her breathing hitched. “Don’t tease me.”

He swept his arm across the table, shoving his keys, wallet, and books to the floor. “Now, Noelle.”

Wide-eyed, she crossed the room and bent forward until her elbows rested on the table. Her scant tank top