Beyond Shame

slid up her spine, revealing the generous curve of her hips and how skimpy her panties really were.

He took another swig of whiskey and set the bottle aside. “Is this what you want?” he asked, teasing his fingertips above the top edge of her panties. “For me to spank your ass until you can’t sit down, tell you how naughty you are for wanting it?”

“Yes,” she whispered. “Only you don’t want me to feel dirty. I can’t even do this right.”

“I don’t want you to believe everything those bastards in the city told you. But if you like it…” He scratched her skin lightly and dragged her panties down. “If you really like it, Noelle, I’ll punish you.”

She shifted her weight uncertainly. “I don’t know why I want it. I don’t know how to find out without doing it.”

He stared down at her pale skin, but he didn’t touch her again until he hit her, his palm smacking hard against her flesh. Noelle gasped, sucking in air before releasing it in a hungry, helpless little noise.

Instead of slapping her this time, he wound his other hand in her hair and pulled her head back. “What do you like about it? Tell me.”

“I don’t know,” she whispered, scraping her nails over the table. “It hurts, but not really. And I don’t—” She bit her lip.

He slid his hand around to the front of her throat. “You don’t what?”

She swallowed. “I don’t have to feel guilty for liking the shame, because that’s the point.”

All twisted up, and he’d been a fool to think he could unravel it. “Why can’t you just like it?”

Noelle let out a frustrated noise and arched up on her toes, practically wiggling her ass at him. “Maybe I could if you’d do it.”

And he’d do it…if she just liked it. He’d had lovers who got off on pain before, but never one who used it as an excuse. “I didn’t say you could move.”

Noelle scoffed, no trace of the shy, demure little city girl left in her eyes as she glared back at him. She was drunk enough to throw caution to the wind and she did, taunting him. “What are you going to do? Spank me?”

He leaned over her, frustration twining with anger. “You’d like that, wouldn’t you? Is that your plan? Push me until I’m really pissed? Until I lose control?”

Her spine stiffened. She tore her gaze from his, fixing it on the wall instead. “No. I don’t want you mad at me.”

Jasper laid his hand on her ass and squeezed the reddened skin.

She trembled in reaction, but she didn’t look at him. “Do you have to be angry to want this?”

“To really want to punish you, yes. Otherwise, it’s just another thing that gets you off.” He slapped her ass again. “If you like it, I’ll do it.” Another blow. “I’ll do anything. But I want to know why.”

“I don’t know,” she panted and squirmed. She spread her arms wide, palms flat on the table, as if she needed to balance herself to stay standing. “It should be punishment, but it’s not. That’s the part I like.”

“What does that mean to you? That you’re dirty, Noelle? That there’s something wrong with you?” If he slid his hand down, he knew he’d find her thighs slick, her pussy swollen. “That there’s something wrong with me?”

“Not with you.” The words were too fiercely protective to be anything but the truth. But the fight went out of her in the next moment, and she dropped her cheek to the table. “But maybe there is something wrong with me. I don’t like things even though they feel shameful. I like them more because of it.”

So close. “Why, sweetheart?”

She barely whispered the answer. “Because it feels good.”

“Would it feel as good if you weren’t ashamed?”

“How can I tell?”

The question was so earnest that it left him with only one answer. “I don’t know.”

Sighing, she rocked up on her toes again. “Help me find out? Please?”

He couldn’t, not if he had a hope in hell of keeping his own head on straight during all of it. “If you trust me, I have an idea.”

She whimpered. “Does your idea mean I have to go back to my own bed all—all wet and aching and frustrated?”

“No.” He kissed her shoulder and backed away. “Turn around and sit on the table.”

“I trust you.” She kicked free of her panties before sliding onto the table with her knees tucked primly together. “I don’t need the other stuff. If you don’t like it, if you don’t want it, it’s okay—”

“Open your legs.”

Her teeth snapped together and her cheeks flushed, but she spread her legs wide. “Should I take off my shirt too?”

Jasper had to drag his gaze up to her face. “That depends. If you were alone in your room, would you take it off? Play with your pretty little nipples?”

“No,” she said after a moment’s hesitation. “If I started doing that in Lex’s room, I don’t think I’d be alone for long.”

He couldn’t help his bark of laughter. “No, I guess you wouldn’t.” Her nipples were hard under the thin fabric. “Leave it on. Touch yourself.”

“What?” She sounded shocked—scandalized—but her hand was already drifting toward her breast. “You mean…touch my nipples?”

Her bewildered shock tightened his balls, made them ache. “For starters. Then we’ll move on to everything else.”

After another breathless moment, she obeyed, closing her thumb and her middle finger around one bud. Her gaze stayed fixed on his as she pinched and tugged until a moan escaped her.

“You like it hard,” he murmured. “I remember.”

She nodded and brought her other hand into play, mirroring the movements of the first. “I thought of asking Ace if I could keep those little magnetic rings, but I didn’t think I’d be able to survive the teasing.”

“That’s the whole point.” Jasper nodded to her spread legs. “Lower, Noelle. Show me how you touch your pussy too.”

“I’ve never touched it like you do,” she admitted, sliding her hand down. She brushed her fingers over the dark curls there before inching the very tip of her middle finger over the hood of her clit in a tiny circle. Her eyelids drooped as she repeated the caress. “Just like this.”

He felt an answering tug, a tingle at the base of his spine. “Do it again.”

She caught her plump lower lip between her teeth and obeyed. It was a light, shy touch, one that barely counted, but this time she didn’t stop. She edged her fingers lower, parting her swollen folds as she explored tentatively. “I liked your fingers inside me.”

“Gonna try yours now?”

She did, leaning back to brace her weight on one hand as she pushed two fingers inside. A slow, wicked smile curved her lips. “Not as good. Too small. Too short.”

Jasper caught his breath. “You have more fingers.”

“Show me.” She worked a third finger into her pussy in spite of the words, moaning when she thrust them deep. “Why won’t you touch me? Don’t you want me when we’re alone?”

He dropped into a chair to keep from crossing to the table. “You’re drunk, sweetheart, and I have my rules.”

“I don’t understand them. I’m doing everything you tell me to. My hands might as well be yours, except they’re not as good.”

Maybe she was right. He nodded to the bedroom. “Bed’s through there. I’ll take the couch.”

Shock painted her features, followed swiftly by mortification. She stumbled off the table and snatched up her panties, and by the time she dragged them up her legs she was shaking.

Her next stop would be the door. Jasper shot across the space between them and grasped her upper arms. “If you don’t see the difference between me touching you and what was happening, that means there is no difference. I shouldn’t have been doing it.”

“Why is it always so easy for you to stop?” The question tore free, ragged and