Beyond Shame

The man swayed, dazed, as Bren released him.

Then he dropped to the floor, unmoving.

The crowd cheered, and even Nessa bounced up off the couch with a triumphant shout. Caught up in the excitement, Noelle raised her voice, too. She’d never cheered before, but it turned out to be the most natural thing in the world. Her shouts rose to meld with the other voices, made her as much a part of the group as Nessa’s arm around her shoulders.

Dallas was the one who hauled open the cage door and gestured for someone to drag away the fallen man. Noelle watched his lips move, though she couldn’t hear what he said over the din in the large room. Bren answered with a curt nod, and a scuffle broke out between several of the women standing near the cage.

Amira made a disgusted noise. “Girl, look at that pushing and shoving. No pride whatsoever. Bren’s hot, but you don’t make a fool of yourself over a man who isn’t yours.”

Bren seemed to have come to the same conclusion. He stared at the women surrounding the cage door for a moment, then stepped out and stomped past them, his chest still heaving.

Was that how she looked to Jasper? Desperate? Worry gnawed in Noelle’s gut until she remembered she’d been in the warehouse for at least twenty minutes without scanning the faces in the crowd for him, much less throwing herself at his feet like the pouting girls in front of the cage.

Of course, the thought of him forced her gaze through the throng until she spotted his familiar profile in the far corner. He was standing next to a man Noelle had never seen, one with O’Kane tattoos winding up his bronzed arms. Coal black hair fell rakishly over his eyes, and he smiled when he caught her staring, an expression as wicked as any Ace had ever offered her.

Noelle looked away before Jasper could follow the man’s gaze and find her mooning over him. “Who’s the man with Jas?”

“That’s Maddox.” Rachel tipped back another shot. “Just got back from a trip south of the city.”

“Ace will be disappointed,” Nessa said, reaching for a drink of her own. “Mad’s just as charming, but he’s got these eyes… Oh, you could drown in them. I mean, if you weren’t already drowning in Jasper.”

“You should meet…” Amira trailed off and winced. “Oh, yeah. They’re fighting.”

Noelle followed her gaze and saw Lex headed for the back exit with two rough-looking men trailing behind her. They were dressed almost like Nessa—ripped jeans, big boots, and lots of silver jewelry flashing under the bare lights—but the tattoos covering every bit of available flesh were even rougher. Gawkish. Nothing like the breathtakingly detailed work Ace did, so maybe he had earned a little bit of his ego.

Nessa groaned and drained her shot. “Lord save me. Dallas is going to be unlivable for the next week, and I have to deal with him.”

“He doesn’t own her,” Rachel said firmly. “If he wanted to lock that down, he could. We all know it.”

“You mean with the marks?” Noelle asked, glancing at Amira’s throat. What would it be like to have Jasper’s ink wrapped around her neck? To feel the needle and know each stab of pain said mine and forever? Her body tingled at the thought of it.

“He could start off with a collar.” At Noelle’s confused look, Amira explained, “It’s a less permanent option.”

“But otherwise it’s pretty much like being marked,” Nessa added. “Totally at the guy’s mercy. Man, I don’t even know. Dallas is hot enough to melt a girl’s panties, but we’re all pretty much at his mercy already. Can you imagine how much more intense it’d be if he collared you?” She shook her head. “Maybe he knows better. Lex would try to kill him, and that wouldn’t end well.”

Noelle wasn’t so sure. She’d seen the give and take between Dallas and Lex…but she’d seen Lex give in, too. Seen her melt for Dallas—all of her, not just her panties. “Maybe she’d feel differently if he offered instead of acting like he owns her already.”

Amira smiled. “Looks like you’ve got Lex figured out. Maybe you should clue Dallas in.”

Laughter came easier than Noelle expected, and it wasn’t because of the whiskey humming in her blood. She was as sober as she’d ever been, though maybe high on the feeling of belonging. “I’m not getting in the middle of that. I don’t want Lex to stab me!”

“That,” Rachel declared, “would never happen. She has a real soft spot for you, one she doesn’t even have for Dallas.”

“Because you’re sweet,” Nessa said. “And loyal. I’ve only given you about a hundred chances to dish all the dirty details about Dallas’s bedroom and what he gets up to in it.”

Noelle flushed. “I don’t—”

“Nah,” Nessa cut in. “It’s okay. I should go easy on you because you’re new, but I can’t help myself. I’m a compulsive gossip. Ask Amira.”

The tiny brunette nodded. “It’s true. She’s horrible.”

At least they wouldn’t be upset if she refused to betray Lex’s trust. Noelle rubbed her hands over her thighs and shook her head. “It’s not that I’m not used to gossip. That’s all the women are allowed to do in Eden. I’m just not used to women talking about sex so openly. Or…well, at all, really.”

“No harm, no foul.” Rachel straightened and rose, her eyes on the crowd. “I’m gonna go dance with Ace. I might actually let him touch me tonight.”

Nessa whooped her approval before slugging Rachel on the shoulder. “Make him work for it. Begging’s good for him.”

Rachel turned and tilted her head. “You know it.”

Noelle watched her thread her way into the crowd as another fight started between two men who weren’t O’Kanes. Ace was grinding between two blondes whose adoring expressions vanished when Ace abandoned them to wrap an arm around Rachel’s waist.

“Why doesn’t Dallas let more women into the gang?” she asked Nessa and Amira as the two groupies sulked toward the cage. “They all seem willing enough.”

“Yeah, willing enough to get laid and paid,” Amira said. “You think those two give a shit about Ace? I doubt they even know his name.”

Nessa nodded in sharp agreement. “You can tell the ones who care. Like Trix.” She gestured to the bar, where a pretty redhead in jeans and a tightly cinched corset poured drinks for the people watching the fight. “She started by coming to the fights, but she got to know the guys and the girls. Got a job and made herself useful. I think if she wanted to go for ink, Dallas would consider it.”

Presumably it was a much rarer occurrence than Noelle had realized, which said a lot about her own easy acceptance—or maybe more about Lex’s influence. Dallas had made it pretty damn clear he hadn’t expected Noelle to be of any use at all, which left Lex as her savior.

Lex…and Jasper. Noelle sought him out again and found him still deep in conversation with Maddox. “I guess there must be a lot of gossip about me, then. And how fast he let me in.”

Nessa actually turned a little pink. “Uh…”

Amira slid her arm around Noelle. “I think you’ve already figured out what everyone’s been saying, haven’t you? Lex and Jasper wanted you here, and that’s enough for Dallas.”

“Yeah, mostly that.” Nessa slid to the couch and mirrored Amira’s gesture. “We all love Jas, okay? And you make him happy. Growly and confused like a big dumb oaf, but that’s just because he’s a man. Men need to get used to being happy. Amira can tell you—no one did growly and confused like her big dumb oaf.”

She covered her face with her hands and laughed. “Flash was terrible. It was all this pushing and pulling, like he didn’t know what the hell he wanted.”

A weight Noelle hadn’t realized was there lifted, and she clutched at the words. “So that’s normal? Wanting more and then less, or speeding up and slowing down? Lex told me I should just go for him, but I don’t know what he wants.”

“In my experience? It’s totally possible he doesn’t know, either.”

That part was less reassuring. Noelle had to fight to keep a plaintive note out of her voice. “So what do I do?”

“Whatever you can,” Amira murmured sympathetically. “Whatever you want. That’s all there is. It falls into place, or it doesn’t.”