Beyond Shame

Lex lounged on a low sofa near the bar, a drink in one hand. “You look nice, baby girl.”

“Baby girl? You’re Noelle?” A young woman in tattered jeans and a tight pink tank top perched on the arm of the couch gave Noelle’s outfit a once-over before groaning. “God damn, Lex. She’s barely been out of the city a week. Where do I get one of your makeovers?”

“You’re not dirty enough, Nessa.” Lex softened the words by stroking the woman’s arm. “It just wouldn’t work for you.”

Nessa. Rachel had mentioned the name more than once as the brains behind some of the O’Kanes’ biggest breakthroughs in liquor production, but Noelle had pictured someone older. Nessa looked to be near Noelle’s age, though her slender body and heart-shaped face made her look younger. Sweeter.

Until she scowled. “I’ll be plenty dirty when I’m good and ready,” she retorted, swinging her legs out of the way to make room for Noelle to sit. When she did, the girl thrust out her hand. “Nice to finally meet you. Dallas keeps me chained up in the distillery, and not with the sexy chains, either.”

Judging by the knowing grin on her face, it was another tease, like Ace’s. Noelle accepted the ribbing as inevitable and shook the offered hand with a smile. “Well, I’m glad he let you out for the night.”

“He wouldn’t have let you miss this.” Lex sat straighter and nodded to the cage. “Here he goes.”

Bren had just climbed inside the cage, stripped to the waist, his feet bare. He stood on one side, near the bars, his head bent, stretching his shoulders.

“Oh my God, Bren’s fighting?” Nessa’s eyes widened under her spiky, bleached-white bangs. “Oh man, oh man. We’re all gonna feel a little dirty tonight.”

Baffled, Noelle glanced at Lex. “I’m missing something, aren’t I?”

“Nope.” Lex finished her drink and motioned to Rachel, who stood at the end of the bar. “You’re missing everything.”

A stranger climbed into the cage with Bren, a bulky man with ink, but not O’Kane markings. The tattoos were distorted by his bulging muscles, which the man flexed repeatedly to earn squeals from some of the groupies on the opposite side of the crowd.

Next to him, Bren looked…average. Strong but compact, and outweighed by enough to stir real worry in Noelle’s chest. “Is he going to be okay?”

Rachel chuckled as she walked up with a tray cluttered with overflowing shot glasses. “He’ll be dandy after he gets the crap beat out of him.”

“And they throw a chick in there,” Nessa added. “Dallas should start auctioning off the privilege. He’d make more on that than he does the booze.”

Noelle prodded Lex with her elbow. “Is she serious?”

“About which part?”

It was answer enough. Noelle snapped her gaze to the cage as the stranger took his first swing. Bren blocked it, but his opponent came back with an even harder blow to the ribs. Bren took it and staggered against the bars.

Rachel shook her head. “This guy’s a tank. Fifty bucks says Bren ends it early because his dick hurts.”

Nessa thrust out her hand. “I’ll bet a hundred that he plays with the guy for a while, but doesn’t bother dragging the girl out of the cage before he fucks her.”

Lex slapped her palm. “If he’s that hot for it tonight, I might be the one jumping in there with him.”

Their voices slid past Noelle as she watched the cage, transfixed by the sheer violence contained within the bars. The huge stranger looked furious, his face red and his veins bulging. He came at Bren again and again, roaring curses and swinging with meaty fists. Sometimes Bren dodged or blocked with a lazy ease that made it even more confusing when a blow he should have avoided smashed into him.

She’d watched Jasper fight with focused intensity and unwavering attention. She’d seen Flash dominate an opponent with his huge fists and sheer size. This was something else entirely, a completely unbalanced fight— because Bren didn’t seem to be trying.

Another rough hit slammed him against the cage bars, and Noelle winced. “He’s not going to fight back?”

“Sure, he will.” Rachel grinned and passed her a shot. “When he’s had enough.”

Their scattered comments coalesced, formed a cohesive whole, but Noelle still couldn’t quite believe what they were saying. “He likes getting beat up?”

Nessa snorted. “Like? Try gets off on in a major, seriously hot way.”

“She means that he’s a masochist.” Amira dropped to the couch with a sigh and draped her legs across Lex’s lap. “He derives sexual pleasure from pain. Intense pleasure, apparently.”

Noelle’s cheeks flamed. She very carefully didn’t look at Lex, and didn’t blurt out there’s a word for it? either. She did rub her thumb across the inside of her wrist, remembering the tiny stabs of pain as the needle pierced her skin, each one an irritation on its own, but all of them together burning through her into something hot and hungry. “Oh.”

“Oh, she says.” Rachel tugged at a lock of Noelle’s hair. “Bren’s a special case. Most of the people I’ve met who like pain are subs, but not him. By all accounts, he’s damn bossy while you’re whipping him.”

A roar went up from the crowd, dragging Noelle’s attention to the cage just in time to catch Bren twisting his opponent’s arm high behind his back. “So he really is playing with the other guy? He could win whenever he wants to?”

“You don’t know?” Amira cracked open a fresh bottle of water. “He was on the military police force in Eden. Special Tasks. He could snap that guy’s neck without breaking a sweat.”

Belatedly, Noelle drained the shot Rachel had handed her. She needed it as she studied Bren again. Within Eden, people barely admitted that Special Tasks agents existed. The city of the future should have no need for men trained to stalk and kill…but of course they did.

“That explains a lot,” she said faintly. “About how he can fight so well, I mean. I don’t know what to think about the rest of it.”

Lex raised an eyebrow. “You plan on fucking him?”

Noelle made a face, remembering how gently he’d rejected her the night of her party. “Even if I were, I don’t think he’s interested.”

“Then why do you have to think anything about it?” Lex slipped out from under Amira’s legs and walked off, into the crowd.

Rachel watched her go. “Jesus help us all. She’s in a mood.”

Apparently so. Lex had already disappeared into the mass of bodies, and Noelle didn’t think she’d appreciate being followed. “It’s not something I said?”

“Maybe,” Nessa told her, patting her shoulder awkwardly. “Or not. You’ll never know. That’s the beauty of Lex.”

But Amira shook her head. “It’s Dallas. Has to be.”

“Ah, yeah.” Nessa blew her bangs out of her eyes and gave Noelle a speculative look that left her squirming. “You were with them the other night…”

She trailed off, as if inviting Noelle to fill her in on all the gritty details. Maybe that was common—sex and gossiping about it. Or maybe Nessa was nosy and Lex wanted her privacy.

Not that Noelle had anything useful to contribute. She’d spent the night so wrapped up in Jasper that Lex and Dallas could have had a fight a foot from her head without her noticing. “They seemed fine then. Though Dallas did come around this afternoon to tell us we can’t leave the compound alone.”

“That could be it,” Rachel observed. “She doesn’t respond well to orders. Which means half the time, she’s giving Dallas the finger…”

“And the other half, he’s giving it to her,” Amira finished, holding up her hand.

Nessa slapped her palm. “And his thumb too, when she’s lucky—oh Lord, have mercy and look out. Bren’s had enough.”

The man in the cage swung, and Bren caught his opponent’s fist in one hand. Another swing, with the same result. When he held both of the man’s hands trapped in his, Bren grinned ferally and headbutted him. Once, twice.