Beyond Shame

“No. But does that matter? Isn’t it still being trapped, in the end?”

“Maybe.” Lex traced a gentle fingertip over the ink encircling Noelle’s wrist. “You’re an O’Kane now, for good or bad. Does that make you feel sad and stifled?”

“No. A little nervous, maybe.” She told Lex what had happened with Dallas at the bar, and admitted what she hadn’t told Rachel. “The more I thought about it, the more I realized I do know. Things my mother taught me so I’d be able to help my father and my future husband, things that could hurt the important men in Eden. Not just allergies, but secrets. Scandals. Dreams that they’ll compromise for, and weaknesses in their families that a smart woman could exploit.”

“Or a smart man, like Dallas.”

“Or a smart man.” Noelle caught Lex’s hand and twined their fingers together. “They’re not all corrupt. One or two of the councilmen try, and even the bad ones… Their wives and children are as helpless as I was. I don’t want to hurt people unless it means protecting us.”

“Oh, honey. I know.” Her fingers tightened around Noelle’s. “At some point, he’s going to ask, though. It’s bound to happen.”

She swallowed and closed her eyes. “I’ll have to tell him, won’t I? I made a promise.”

“You wouldn’t want to try to lie,” Lex agreed quietly. “Especially if he came to you for information like that, because he wouldn’t do it unless he had no other choice.”

“I don’t want to lie. I want to trust him.” And that was the crux of it, the part that felt foolish and hopelessly ingenuous. “I want to tell him everything and believe he wouldn’t hurt anyone who didn’t deserve it, not unless he had no other choice. Does that make me stupid?”

“Not stupid. An optimist.” Lex nestled closer, curling up behind Noelle. “You don’t know yet. How hard Dallas has to work to keep life around here the way it is.”

As comforting as Lex’s warm body was, Noelle missed the heavy press of Jasper’s arm. Both nights she’d slept with him, he’d tossed it over her body, pinning her in place with an unconscious sort of possessiveness. She didn’t have to be pressed tightly to his side to wallow in his warmth because he exuded heat.

She hadn’t seen him since that morning, and she missed him. “I guess the men work hard. The women too, I mean…but the guys seem to be gone a lot.”

“They’re around more than you think.” Lex laughed and nuzzled the back of Noelle’s neck. “You don’t have to wait for him to come to you, you know. If you want him, go get him.”

Noelle bit her lower lip. “What if there’s someone else in his bed?”

“Do you suspect there is, or do you want me to tell you if that’s how Jasper operates?”

“Is it?”

“No.”

Noelle exhaled and clung to Lex’s hand. “Go get him? Just like that?”

“Just like that.”

It could work. Maybe it would even help. All the questions about her ability to say no might matter less to Jasper if she was busily, aggressively saying yes.

First she had to figure out how. “Lex?”

Lex rubbed Noelle’s arm. “Yeah?”

“Will you teach me to dance?”

“Sure, if you want. You don’t like hauling drinks?”

Noelle laughed. “I don’t mind it. And I don’t know if I’ll be any good at dancing, but I want to learn how to be like you. Sexy and strong and seductive. Proud of it.”

But Lex only snorted. “It’s all in the presentation, remember?”

“Then you can help me with that too.” Lex wouldn’t see her flushed cheeks and smile, but she could probably hear the amusement and embarrassment in Noelle’s voice. “I apparently have a lot to learn about where jewelry goes.”

“Short answer? Wherever you want to put it.”

“Lex!”

“What?” She laughed. “It’s true.”

Tomorrow, Noelle would find some jewelry. Maybe she’d even let Lex show her how to wear each piece—or where. If Jasper had a problem with that, he’d have to do something about it.

Like claim her for good.

Chapter Fifteen

Jasper knew it was damn near the end of the world—again—when Dallas rounded up everyone for a meeting. He usually preferred to deal with his men in small groups, but right now time was of the essence, and they all needed to be informed.

Dallas lit a cigarette before sliding the pack over to Bren. “Everyone’s heard what went down with Wilson Trent. Our immediate problem is that we’re short one supplier, and we need to fill the gap fast if we’re not going to slow production. Big picture’s even uglier. No way could Trent have gotten his hands on those explosives on his own. Someone’s backing him—someone with money or power or both. And we need to find out who.”

“City black market would be the likeliest source,” Bren said. “Military police. I have a friend on the inside I can contact. Have him look into things.”

“Do it,” Dallas told him without hesitation. “What about Trent? Did he say anything interesting before he died?”

“He mostly screamed.”

Even Dallas lifted his eyebrows at that. “Do I need to worry about who that girl’s gonna want to kill next?”

Bren matched his expression. “Probably not until her hands heal.”

At the other end of the table, Flash laughed. “What, that tiny piece of tail beat Trent to death bare- knuckled?”

“I guess so.” Dallas shook his head. “Don’t get any ideas, Flash. No women in the cage fights. I don’t want Lex twisting your dicks off if you win, and I sure as hell don’t want to listen to you cry if you don’t.”

Already, in Dallas’s mind, Lex was the one who took care of the women, his own counterpart in leadership. It made Wilson Trent’s taunts about her all the more chilling. “Couldn’t hurt to consider why this happened,” Jasper observed. “Whether Trent approached someone for help getting rid of you, or it started out the other way around.”

Dallas drummed his fingers on the table. “Trent was stupid, but he knew how to suck up to power. And if he wanted something we had badly enough…”

“He’d start dumbass negotiations with someone who hated you in a heartbeat,” Jasper finished.

“Isn’t hard to find people who hate me. Someone who would trust that bastard not to fuck it up? That’s harder.”

Bren drained his drink and set the glass down with a thump. “Unless it didn’t matter because Trent was a very expendable test shot, and the real shit has yet to go down.”

“Pretty damn likely.” Dallas let his gaze drift around the table, taking the time to meet every man’s eyes, from Jasper and Bren on either side of him straight down to where Dom glowered at the far end of the table. “We’ve been top dogs in Four long enough to get a little lazy. That has to stop, because we’re playing in the big leagues now, whether we want to or not. We’re making too much damn money for everyone else to ignore. And that means we need to get better at information. Cultivate some more reliable contacts in all the sectors. We need to get smart.”

Jasper pulled out a chair, turned it around, and dropped onto it. “Flash and I are friendly with fighters in all the sectors. Ace has the women covered. A girl in damn near every brothel, right?”

Ace flipped him off, but not without a grin. “They like tattoos, I like blowjobs. It’s good math.”

Bren looked skeptical. “He’s not going to start liking information as much as he likes his dick. No way.”