'What about Mr. Moose?' Jerry Number Two said.
'He was governor of Minnesota a long time ago,' TC said.
'I thought he was a puppet,' Jerry Number One said.
'They all are beholden to special interests,' Jerry Number Two said.
'What the hell kind of special interests do Mooses have?' Rocco said.
'Moose,' Jerry Number Two said.
'Yeah?' Rocco said.
'It's 'Moose' not 'Mooses,'' Jerry Number Two said.
'It could be Meese, couldn't it?' Jerry Number One said.
'He was corrupt as hell,' TC said.
Karl stood and watched as though he was at a tennis game.
'And they say I'm nuts…' Karl said.
I took my seat next to Kelley, who silently watched the Classic Sports Instant Classic of last week's Arena Football game. I lifted Al up to his stool, to my right, and Karl sat next to him.
'You always bring your clients out drinking?' Kelley said without turning around.
'Special circumstances,' I mumbled.
Al stood up on the bar and walked down to say hello to Kelley. Kelley rubbed the top of his head, reached into his pocket, and slipped Al a snausage.
'Everybody, this is my friend Karl,' I said during the first three second lull in the discussion. The boys all shouted a hello. AJ slid a Schlitz in front of me. Karl ordered one for himself.
'Cheeseburger for Shorty?' AJ said.
'Sure,' I said
Al understood 'cheeseburger' and swagged his tail. Karl got up to use the bathroom. When he closed the door, Kelley turned to me.
'Is that really a good idea? I mean how hard did you get hit on the head?'
'He ain't got any place to go,' I said. Kelley just shook his head.
AJ came out with Al's burger and slid it in front of him. He remembered the sardines this time, so Al didn't bark at him.
'Did you hear about lover boy over here?' AJ said, tilting his head toward Kelley. 'Dating a forest ranger.' That was all AJ said. If it wasn't Kelley, there'd be a volley of lines about how she likes his wood or his stump or something equally inane.
People didn't kid with Kelley.
I looked at him and raised my eyebrows.
'She's with the state, as an environmental cop. I've been seeing her for a few months,' he said.
'Good for you,' I didn't bust his balls or say anything else. I looked down the end of the bar and saw Karl and Rocco locked in deep conversation. I'm sure Rocco had wanted to know about the bandages and the scars. I could only imagine the direction that conversation took.
AJ slid a fresh Schlitz in front of me and I turned toward the TV. MSNBC showed a graphic about the defense budget and a shot of protesters outside the Pentagon. They held signs about blood money and corruption.
'Oh they won't like that,' Karl said so everyone could hear.
'Oh boy, the powers that be will get the ball rolling now.'
'What the hell are you talking about?' Rocco said.
'Wait and see, my friend. Wait and see,' Karl said.
'Wait and see what?' TC said.
'Let me see if I can remember. We're probably due for some sort of college campus tragedy,' Karl said. Everyone stared at Karl and then they looked at me. I just shrugged.
'What the hell are you talking about Karl?' Rocco said.
'It's just that it's time for another domestic terrorist event, don't you think?' The sarcasm was thick.
'You say it like you think it's bullshit,' Jerry Number One said.
'Depends how you define bullshit,' Karl said.
'Hold it pal. You're saying someone knows this shit is gonna happen?' Rocco said. Rocco wasn't happy.
'Oh, someone knows. Someone definitely knows,' Karl said
'Who knows?' TC said.
'Well, it ain't Mr. Moose,' Karl said. The brain trust was beginning not to enjoy Karl's company.
'Don't be a wise guy, pal.' Rocco had pivoted in his seat.
'What the hell are you trying to say?'
'I'm sayin' watch your coincidence. Or at least, acknowledge they're there, man. Open your eyes!' Kelley tapped me on the shoulder and raised his eyebrows. He whispered, 'Not sure I've ever seen the Foursome stomp a guy to death.'
'Keep focusing on Captain Kangaroo and Mr. Cream Cheese and you'll never see anything else…' This was getting bad. It was the first time I got to see the shit that got Karl's ass kicked, up close and personal. If he ran through this routine on a nightly basis it wasn't hard to see his assaults as part of a New World Order conspiracy. He was just getting his ass kicked for being an asshole and pissing everybody off.
'Duffy, this is some friend you got here,' TC said.
'Yeah, some friend,' Rocco said.
Now, Karl pissed me off. AJ's is my oasis, my last bastion of idiocy, where I go to get away from the rest of the world. If Karl fucked it up for me I'd kill him. Time to split. I threw down the rest of a three-quarters-full Schlitz, woke up Al, and grabbed Karl by the elbow.
'Say good night to all of your new friends.'
The guys offered muted 'good nights' saving their most enthusiastic ones for Al, who didn't annoy anyone, except for a hint of basset flatulence that always came post-AJ's grease burger.
'But I didn't finish my brew,' Karl said.
'Oh, you're finished, Karl. Trust me, you're finished here tonight.' He came along with Al and me, a bit hesitantly, but he came along.
Inside the El Dorado, I was all over him.
'Look Karl.' I could feel the anger in my voice. It made my head throb as I started the car and slipped it into drive. 'Those guys are my friends and if you want to piss people off all over town that's one thing, but I don't need you ruining my nights!'
'Oh, I'm supposed to ignore the truth!'
'How about ignore being an asshole!' I heard myself yell a little too loudly. I heard Al shuffle in the back seat. We drove on Central Ave. heading toward the park.
'C'mon Duffy open your eyes. It's not hard to see what's been going on. They've been doing it for years.'
'What the hell are you even talking about!' I yelled even louder.
'Open your eyes!'
'If you know shit is going to happen, then say what it is!
Otherwise shut the fuck up!'
'You and your friends in denial can't handle the truth!' Karl yelled back at me.
'That's it!' I made a sharp turn on to the side of the road and slammed on the brakes. I could feel Al slide into the back of my seat.
I reached over and grabbed Karl by the collar and pulled him toward me.
'Tell me what's going on! My fuckin' head is throbbing because a bunch of G.I. Joes whacked it. Before I met you, I never knew a single soldier. Now, if I'm close enough to you to get knocked out, then I'm close enough to know what you know.'
I got so angry my neck twitched and my head pulsed like there was some sort of pump inside it. I held Karl off the car seat, starring him in the eye. He looked terrified of my sudden anger and we stayed like that for a moment or so. It felt a lot longer.
Karl started to cry, first just a little, then he really broke down to sobs. He snorted and almost wailed and it got impossible to be angry with him. I let go of his shirt. He crawled into a fetal ball and pressed himself against the door like he wanted to disappear.
