“I won’t leave you.”
I shoved back. He was averse to letting me.
“Isn’t that what you’re doing anyway? Leaving? Just as soon as we get to the safe house?”
He opened his mouth, closed it.
“I… I was going to leave that up to you.”
What did that mean? I could just kick him away from his own safety because I didn’t want him around? As if we hadn’t lived five yards apart for most of our lives? Who was I to make that call? No, that wasn’t the reason. He was deflecting to me because it was easier for him if I was the one that pushed him away. That way he wouldn’t have to hurt feelings. That way he could run back here and join the resistance.
“Let go of me,” I said unsteadily. I tried to breathe, but my lungs felt constricted. “I know you want to keep your promise, so go ahead. Protect me. But when we get there, your obligation’s over. You don’t owe me a thing. I survived you leaving before, Chase. I’ll do it again.”
He stared at me, shocked. I could hardly believe what I had just said.
“I’m tired now,” I said. “There are more than enough people taking watch.” I reminded myself to keep my chin lifted as I opened the door. “I’ll be fine alone.”
“I won’t.”
Before I could turn toward him, he placed his hand over mine and closed the door softly. I became aware of every one of his movements. The tightening of the muscles in his shoulders. The difference in his breathing. Each one of his warm fingers over mine. And the changes in myself, also. The tingling of my skin. The doubt, like a stone in my belly.
“I’m not fine,” he said. “Not without you.”
My whole body felt like I’d just missed a step going down the stairs. What he was saying didn’t make sense, but the emotion soaking through his words affected me.
“Don’t mess with me, Chase. It’s not funny.”
“No, it’s not,” he agreed, somber and conflicted.
“What are you saying?”
He put a hand on his throat, as though trying to stop the words, but they came anyway.
“You’re home. To me.”
My first thought was one of self-preservation.
I sat on the bed.
“I remind you of home,” I clarified, feeling the memories of the past conjured.
He kneeled before me. “No. You
I was too surprised to speak.
I thought of home, what it meant to me. Safety and love. Happiness. I could only guess what it meant to someone like Chase, who’d had no center holding him, no stability or consistency since his parents had died.
And all this after he’d heard what I’d done to Sean and Rebecca.
He was watching me, trying hard to read my reaction to his words. I wanted to tell him just how much they moved me, but nothing could touch what I felt.
Tentatively, I reached for his hand, and when he gave it willingly, cradled my cheek within it. I could see him swallowing, see his big brown wolf eyes go dark, as they always did when harboring some deep emotion. He leaned closer.
“Think about me,” he whispered. And then his lips touched mine.
His kiss was so soft it felt the way my memories did when I imagined his touch a year ago. When he was only a ghost reminding me I was alone. I needed more. I needed him to be here now, not just an echo of the past.
I pulled him closer. His kiss deepened at the invitation, making my whole body feel alive and electric. Then his hands drifted to my shoulders, and down, around my back, leaving streaks of heat in their wake.
“It was you,” I said softly. “It’s always you I think about.”
The intensity in his gaze took my breath away.
I could feel him. Every part of him. His soul was sewn to mine. His heated blood flowed through my veins. I’d thought that I had been close to my mother, and I was, but not like this. Chase and I barely touched—our hands, mouths, knees—but there was no part of me that was not his.
I couldn’t speak, but if I could, I would have told him I’d missed him. That I accepted who he had become, with his guilt and his fears. That I would stay beside him as he healed.
“Thank you,” he whispered. Could he hear my thoughts? It did not seem unreasonable. Whatever his motivation for thanking me, I felt grateful too.
He held me as our heartbeats slowed and joined into one single pulse. And my mind went completely and blissfully silent.
I WAS woken by a racket in the hallway. I didn’t know how long I’d slept, but I was now lying on the sleeping bag alone.
Had I dreamed what had happened earlier? Everything had felt so surreal these past few days; Chase’s confession was really right in line. Still, my lips remembered the pressure of his, and my heart hurt with his absence.
I sat up, pulling on my boots, and ventured into the hallway. It was dimly lit and empty. The sound seemed to be centering from Wallace’s room, and I snuck toward it. From the outside I heard the man’s voice, speaking in low tones.
“You sure you won’t change your mind?” he asked.
“Not now,” said Chase. “Maybe someday.”
I stuck my head around the door. Chase was leaning back against the kitchenette counter with Billy, while Wallace and Sean stood opposite.
His eyes found mine, and for a moment everything around him wavered. I knew then that I hadn’t dreamed up what had happened between us. That it had been real and that he’d felt it too. I blushed.
Chase came over to me, ending the conversation with the others. He held out his hand, and I took it. I couldn’t hide the shy smile that blossomed at the gesture.
“Wait a minute.” Wallace grinned, and I knew what was coming before he continued. “You’d be welcome in our family, Miller.”
I saw the MM’s credo then, as it had been painted on the outside of the van that had taken my mother. Then on the wall of the house on Rudy Lane, and on the semitruck in Hinton. One Whole Country. One Whole Family. Wallace believed you could choose your family. If the country’s stepchildren all joined together, we might really be whole after all.
A crack of thunder outside. And then the rain began to beat against the covered windows. Sean lit another candle and placed it on the counter behind us.
“I told you no, Wallace,” said Chase. I could feel him tense.
He was right. I couldn’t join the resistance. Not now. But I didn’t like Chase answering for me. My brows drew together.
What had they been talking about? Chase hadn’t said a word to these people earlier, but they’d held a secret meeting when I’d been asleep? My shoulders began to rise. I tried to meet his eyes, but he was staring at Wallace.
“Why did they throw you into custody?” Wallace asked me. There was curiosity in his voice, but I knew he was asking to make a point. Exploiting the injustice of my capture would give me reason to fight.
“Not important,” Chase answered for me.
“Article 5,” said Sean. “That’s why half the girls in reform school are there.”
“Let’s go,” Chase said suddenly. Was he trying to protect me? It didn’t feel right.
“Sick, all that business. That’s why I got out. Stuff like that.” Wallace scratched his arm, and I saw the end of a black braid of wire sneaking out at the wrist beneath his long sleeve.
“You left the MM because they send girls to reform school?” I asked slowly. That seemed an odd thing to do.
