‘What do you mean?’ said Roderick. ‘A knife without a blade which had no handle?’
Mr Swann smiled at him but continued. ‘See, this Supreme Court case, St Filomena’s Hospital versus Mann. The Mann family contending that the hospital had replaced so much of their daughter’s body that she was no longer legally their daughter so they could refuse responsibility for the hospital bill. Plaintiff arguing though that the continuity of certain well-defined functions — anyway the case established the principle that with functional continuity, total cell replacement would be acceptable without jeopardizing legal identity, that is for insurance and tax purposes. So far of course we have no precedents regarding brain replacement, but if we argued that if it was replaced a bit at a time, say the right frontal lobe then the left then the right something else and so on, see the key is functional continence, continuance, continuity. So we say Roddy here is just some kid who’s undergone a whole- body prosthesis, more or less, and… but I ought to warn you, this could run into money.’
Ma stood up. ‘It already is, Mr Swann. Every time I come here you tell me some new complication, some new wrinkle — last time it was what if the court considered him an unauthorized data bank, publisher demanding payment every time he reads a library book, and would we be allowed to show him any copyright material without prior consent, was it?’
‘Hey, but mister what about that knife with—’
‘Very good, Mrs W., I did go into that but only in connection with the possibility of setting him up as a literary property like a comic book or a sheet of music, abandoned that avenue didn’t we on account of the fifty-year reversion to the public domain but don’t—’ He had to shout the last as she and Roderick left, ‘Don’t worry Mrs W., we’ll explore every possible ave—’
Roderick continued thinking about that knife.
He was still thinking about it a few days later when Pa took him along to Dr Welby’s office.
Pa said, ‘Well this cough is worse, and I can’t seem to sleep, doc. Them pills you prescribed seem to—’
‘Uh-oh? Side-effects! Still, not abnormal in these cases. Thanodorm often starts off like that, supposed to make you sleep only at first keeps you wide awake, eh? But it’s working, it’s just taking hold.’
‘Fine, only it ain’t Thanodorm, it’s Toxidol. That’s what it says on the bottle.’
‘You give it another week, then if you don’t sleep like a baby, okay fine, I’ll try Toxidol. Didn’t know you were familiar with that, Pa, hardly ever use it myself.’ Dr Welby beamed over his platinum-rimmed glasses. ‘Gets so a doctor has a heck of a time keeping up with his patients, eh?’
‘No but doc, I’m taking Toxidol right now. You were the one who—’
Welby stopped smiling and pushed a button on his desk. ‘Pa, just ask yourself, “Is it worth it?”’
A woman in white rushed in. Dr Welby said: ‘Jean, Mr Wood has just admitted to me that he’s taking medication not prescribed by me. Toxidont, make a note of it.’
‘Toxidol,’ said Pa.
‘Make a note of that, too. Can’t be too careful in case of any malpractice hassles later, eh?’ The woman rushed out.
‘Malp — no, doc, listen I—’
More beaming over the platinum. ‘Pa, do yourself a big favour, eh? Just stop. Throw away this medication wherever you got it, throw it out. Otherwise I’ll just have to call it quits. Will you promise to throw it out?’
‘Sure, but—’
‘No buts. Just promise me. Hell man, you don’t know what you might be taking there, this Taxiderm could be
‘I — I promise.’
‘Gooood.
They went out on Main Street, where the recorded carollers were just finishing ‘Noel Noel Noel Noel, Get an extra six-pack ’cause you never can tell…’ and into Joradsen’s Drug where old Mr Joradsen said:
‘Merry Christmas, Pa. But get that thing out of here, no pets.’
‘Well he—’
‘No pets! Not my rule, it’s the law!’
So Roderick waited outside, listening to a local version of Handel’s
‘Never oughta allow a thing like that out in public!’
‘…and not even tied up…’
‘Makes you sick just to look…’
The sky seemed to be pressing down on the low roofs of Main Street. Handel without words without meaning. Okay, it worked, it might work if the knife lost its blade and you put on a new one, and then it lost its handle — but suppose you had two knives and you switched handles, were they still the same? Or did whatever it was that made them themselves go with the handles? Do you switch handles or switch blades?
‘Hey Rick boy, you nuts or something? Standing here talking to yourself about switchblades…’
‘Oh hi, Chaunce. No I just, I was just thinking out loud.’
‘My old man would buy me a switchblade any time I asked him, you know? Like two feet long! Hey you know you really blasted that old school computer boy, they can’t even take roll any more. No tests, no nothin’, it’s great. I owe you one, pal.’
But when his gang showed up a minute later, Chauncey seemed to change his mind.
Pa found Roderick lying in front of Virgil’s Hometown Hardware, one of his new legs broken.
‘Scrapping again? My boy—’
‘I’m sorry, Pa. We were playing
‘Okay, okay.’ Pa lifted him up so that he could see the display in Virgil’s window: axes, hunting knives, hammers and handguns arranged in the shape of a Christmas tree, with a tinsel message hanging above: TO MEN OF GOOD WILL.
‘Reminds me,’ Pa chuckled. ‘Gotta see Swann about makin’ my will.’
XV
SOME LAWS OF ROBOTICS (II)
Robots can think and smell and hear and talk.
They’ve got metal minds.
My robot is a lady companion robot and it’s a maid and it goes out and does the shopping for a man.
My robot is an electric robot and it exterminates people. A robot is a man’s companion. They keep their
