Never Knowing

questions.”

“So tell them.”

“They won’t like me talking to you, and—”

“You mean the cops don’t want them to know we’re talking.” He said it causally, but I wasn’t fooled for a minute. He was testing me.

My pulse sped up again. He had his suspicions, but suspecting and knowing were two different things. I had to stick with my lie.

“No, I mean my family wouldn’t understand. And they’d tell the police—”

“You’ve already called the police.”

“I didn’t—I told you before. I didn’t believe who you were at first, then I was scared you’d come after my family. Evan would be worried and—”

“So leave Evan — you don’t need him.”

My body tensed. He sounded angry again. Had I just put Evan in danger? At the end of the aisle Ally had picked out a box of cereal and was now doing wheelies with her cart. If I didn’t distract her soon, she was likely to crash into one of the displays. I motioned for her to follow me to the vegetable section, trying desperately to think of something to say to calm John down.

“I’ll try to talk to you whenever you want. But I love Evan and we’re engaged. If you want to be part of my life you have to understand that.”

I held my breath at my daring. How would he take this?

“Fine, but if he gets in the—”

“He won’t.” I let out my breath, sagging against the cart. Ally was trying to get my attention. I handed her a plastic bag and motioned for her to pick out some apples.

John said, “I want to talk to Ally.”

I stood up straight.

“That’s not a good idea, John.”

“She’s my granddaughter.”

“But she might say something to someone, then it will raise questions like I told you, and—”

His voice was frustrated. “If I can’t talk to her, then I want to meet you.”

My blood roared in my ears. I never thought he’d want to meet, never believed he’d take that risk. I had to scare him off — and fast.

“But what if the police are watching me?”

“You said you didn’t tell them. I believe you — I’d know if you were lying.”

For a moment I wondered if he was the one lying. I shook off the thought. He had no way of knowing I was working with the police.

“But that stuff about you being my father was in the newspapers and on TV. What if they’re following me?”

“Have you seen someone following you?”

“No, but that doesn’t mean they—”

“I’ll phone you tomorrow.”

Billy called my cell right away, but Ally was bumping her cart into the backs of my legs and I knew she’d reached her limit. She wasn’t the only one.

“Give me a bit, Billy. I’ll call you as soon as I get home.” I rushed through the rest of my shopping, then made Ally a quick lunch back at the house and let her pop in a movie.

I called Billy from my landline. “Did you get him?”

“He was using a pay phone at a campsite near Bridge Lake, west of Clearwater.” Billy sighed. “By the time they got there, he was gone. He probably had his vehicle parked below and cut through the woods. The tracking dogs lost the scent.” “What are we going to do? I don’t want him to talk to Ally, and obviously I can’t meet him.”

“We don’t want you to do anything that puts you at risk, but—”

“There’s no way I’m meeting him.”

“I don’t blame you.”

“So what should I do?”

“He’s going to keep upping his demands, so we want you to be ready for that.” Billy’s voice was casual, but something felt off.

Then I got it. The police wanted me to meet with him, but they couldn’t ask me to do it.

Sandy got on the phone. “Sara, why don’t you come into the station this afternoon and we’ll discuss it?”

“Fine.”

I dropped Ally off at Meghan’s again — grateful her mom loved having her — and headed to the police station. Sandy and Billy took me into the room with the couch again. This time Billy sat down beside me and I studied the side of his face. Was Melanie right? Did he like me? He turned and flashed a quick smile, but I didn’t see a hint of anything other than friendliness. I had bigger things to worry about right now. Sandy paced back and forth in front of the couch.

I said, “You want me to do it, don’t you?”

Sandy said, “We can’t ask you to put yourself in danger.”

“What if I wanted to meet him?”

She jumped on it. “You need to pick the spot before he does, but do it casually, you don’t want him suspicious. Location is paramount — we have to consider the public’s safety.”

“What about my safety? Aren’t you supposed to be worried about that?”

“Of course your safety is our primary concern. We’ll make sure—” She caught herself. “If you decided you wanted to do this, we’d be there the entire time.”

“Oh, perfect, so he can spot you and then kill me?”

“He’d never know we were there. We’d pick a location that doesn’t have a lot of people around, but nothing too remote, and we’d have undercover officers covering you every minute.”

Billy said, “We’ll plant a wire device on you, but the plan is for us to arrest him before he has a chance to get close to you.”

“Wait a minute. You have a plan already? When did I agree to do this?”

They stared at me.

Finally Billy said, “Nobody’s planning anything, we’re just talking. But if this is something you choose to do so we can arrest John, we’ll do everything in our power to protect you. Like Sandy said, your safety is our main concern.” I eyed Sandy. “I’m not so sure about that.”

Sandy pulled a chair close in front of me and sat down. She grabbed a file off the table at her side, pulled out a picture, and thrust it in front of my face.

“I want you to take a good look, Sara.”

It was a photo of Danielle’s corpse. Her face was pale, her neck bruised. Her eyes bulged out and her blackened tongue stuck out of her mouth.

I jerked back in my chair and closed my eyes.

Billy grabbed the photo out of Sandy’s hand.

“What the hell, Sandy?”

“I’m getting a coffee.” She shoved the file at him and walked out of the room. The door banged shut behind her.

“I can’t believe she did that.” I pressed my hand against my heart. “Her eyes and her tongue…”

Billy sat on the couch near me. “I’m really sorry, Sara.”

“Aren’t there rules about that sort of stuff? She’s a sergeant!”

“I’ll talk to her. She’s just in a bad place today. Losing Danielle was really hard on her. She wants to catch