Never Knowing

your practice to Victoria — you’ve been through a lot yourself in the last while. God, I don’t know how you kept seeing clients during everything. And thanks for the referral to your friend. I’ll probably give him a try, at least until you decide what you’re doing. But I can’t believe this might be the last time I sit on your couch, the last time I’m in this office. I hope it’s not. But I guess time will tell. Time tells a lot of things. My whole life I’ve bucked against time — usually because it wasn’t going fast enough for me. But then there are moments when it’s hurtling toward you and you’d give anything to stop the clock.

Billy came over after Ally was in bed. As I let him in I told him to sit at the table while I finished up some dishes, but he grabbed a tea towel.

We worked in companionable silence for a minute or two, then he said, “So where’s Evan tonight?”

“He had to go back to the lodge.” I snorted. “He couldn’t wait to get out of here.”

“Uh-oh. You guys fighting?”

“It’s just the usual stuff.” I sighed. “He wants me to move on and forget about the case, but it’s not that easy for me. The loose ends are driving me nuts.”

“So what’s bugging you?”

“Remember when you said Evan was shot with John’s Remington.223? Well, I remembered later that John told me his gun was in the shop — the firing pin was broken.”

“Huh. Interesting, but he probably had another one.”

“Evan said the same thing, but John always talked about that one being his favorite, like it was the only one for him. I mean, you heard the tapes. He talked about guns like they were girlfriends. Then I started thinking … look, I know this sounds crazy, but how do we know for sure he shot Evan?” His eyebrows shot up. “Who else did you have in mind?”

“Yeah, that’s the hole in my theory.” I made a face and grinned. “The only other person who’d want Evan out of the way is Sandy.”

“Wow, Sara. I know you don’t like her, but that’s harsh.”

“It’s not that I don’t like her — she doesn’t like me. I hate that! Anyway, I know it wasn’t her, I’m just saying it’s weird about the gun. He probably had two, like you said, but can you look into it so I can stop obsessing? If he was part of those collector groups maybe he had to list all his guns for them?” “Sure, I’ll look into it. But just for argument’s sake, if it wasn’t John, who else had a motive to shoot Evan? Don’t forget a shell from John’s gun was found at the scene.”

“I know John’s the only possible suspect, but the gun thing doesn’t fit.” I laughed. “It’s like OJ’s gloves.”

As Billy finished drying the last dish, I took the tea towel from him.

“I’ll put the dishes away. Sit.”

He turned and pulled out a chair at the table.

“Just out of curiosity, why did you think Sandy wanted Evan out of the way?”

I shrugged. “She was obsessed with catching John and she knew Evan was the reason I wouldn’t meet with him — she also thought my therapist was advising me against meeting him. It would’ve been easy for her to plant a shell at the scene and frame John. Three for three.” “That’s it?”

I reached to put away the last plate. “Well, it was after my last fight with Sandy that Nadine was attacked. John always shot people — he didn’t jump them in parking lots. When John called me at the hospital he was really keyed up and kept saying he had to meet me. Not like he was anxious, like he was scared.” I hung up the tea towel. Billy was watching me intently, his head tilted to the side. God, it was nice to talk to a man who actually listened and didn’t just tell me to let it go.

I said, “And I was thinking tonight that it’s weird he went straight to my house that day after he called me at the hospital. How did he know Ally was here and only one officer was watching her? Plus he knew I’d been talking to the police — he said he was going to explain later but he never got the chance. Maybe he’d been doing countersurveillance like you said and he saw something.” Moose came downstairs from Ally’s room and I let him out the sliding door. “Don’t you think some of that stuff is weird?” I sat down at the table in front of Billy. He heaved a sigh.

“In cases where the suspect dies it’s hard to fit every piece together, Sara. But that doesn’t mean there’s more to it — it just means we don’t have all the answers. I’ll check into the gun, but I wonder if you’re having a hard time letting go for another reason.” “What do you mean?”

His voice was cautious. “You might still be trying to deal with John’s death. Or maybe you’re having a hard time facing some other things in your life. Your wedding is coming up, and—”

“It’s not that. It’s just all these little mysteries really bug me. They make me feel like it’s not completely over yet. I’m going to go online later and look at some gun forums. John spent a lot of time on the computer — bet I can find something.” “It’s pretty unlikely John would list unregistered guns, or use his real name on a forum. Even if we did find a list somewhere, we’ll never know if it’s accurate. There’s no way to verify how many guns he owned.”

“Good point.” I took a deep breath and let it out in a long exhale as I turned everything over in my mind. “Maybe I’m looking at this the wrong way. If we can’t prove he didn’t shoot Evan, let’s see if there’s any evidence other than the shell casing that proves he did. Tofino’s almost three hours from here. John would’ve had to fill up with gas somewhere along the way. Did you find any receipts in his belongings?” “I don’t believe so, but that—”

“Guess he could’ve just paid with cash. Oh! We should hit all the gas stations on the way with a photo of him. It wouldn’t be hard — there’s only one main route. Don’t most stations have cameras now? People usually fill up in Port Alberni because it’s the last stop. We should start there. After I drop Ally off at school in the morning we can—” Billy held up a hand. “Whoa. I don’t have time to canvass gas stations.”

“Okay. But I’m not going to be able to relax until I figure some of this out. I’ll go to every gas station myself if I have to.” I smiled. “I’m relentless.”

“That you are.” He smiled back. “Let me think about it. Got some coffee?”

“Sure.”

I poured a cup, then turned around.

Billy’s gun was pointed at me.

I laughed. “What are you…” Then I saw the expression in his eyes.

He said, “Put the cup down on the counter.”

I didn’t move a muscle. “What’s going on, Billy?”

“You never leave anything alone.”

“I don’t understand—”

“It was over, Sara. No one would ever have found out.” He shook his head.

I stepped back until the edge of the counter pressed into my spine. What the hell was going on?

“Billy, you’re scaring me.” I scanned his face for any sign that this was a horrible joke, but he looked serious. “What did I—”

“Put the cup down.”

As I turned to set it on the counter my mind scrambled. Is this for real? Do I need a weapon? Should I try to throw the cup at him? Can I grab a knife? I glanced at the end of the counter.

“Don’t even think about it. I’m three times your size and three times as fast.” He stood up and walked toward me.

“Why are you doing this? Did Sandy—”

“Sandy didn’t do anything.” He stopped in front of me

I searched his face. “Then why are you—”

“Because you’re right — I did fill up in Port Alberni. But I’m not going to wait to find out if there was a camera.”

“It was you? You shot Evan?”

“‘The warrior skilled at stirring the enemy provides a visible form and the enemy is sure to come.’” Billy stared at me, his eyes slits. “Evan was in the way and you needed some incentive. I also knew it would flush John out — he’d want to protect you.” I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.

“You tried to kill Evan so John would think someone was after me?”