Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are dead. Arcadia

ROS: ( an anguished cry): Consistency is all I ask!

GUIL: ( low, wry rhetoric): Give us this day our daily mask.

ROS: ( a dying fall): I want to go home. ( Moves. ) Which way did we come in? I've lost my sense of direction.

GUIL: The only beginning is birth and the only end is death---if you can't count on that, what can you count on? They connect again.

ROS: We don't owe anything to anyone.

GUIL: We've been caught up. Your smallest action sets off another somewhere else, and is set off by it. Keep an eye open, an ear cocked. Tread warily, follow instructions. We'll be all right.

ROS: For how long?

GUIL: Till events have played themselves out. There's a logic at work---it's all done for you, don't worry. Enjoy it. Relax. To be taken in hand and led, like being a child again, even without the innocence, a child---it's like being given a prize, an extra slice of childhood when you least expect it, as a prize for being good, or compensation for never having had one... Do I contradict myself?

ROS: I can't remember... What have we got to go on?

GUIL: We have been briefed. Hamlet's transformation. What do you recollect?

ROS: Well, he's changed, hasn't he? The exterior and inward man fails to resemble GUIL: Draw him on to pleasures---glean what afflicts him.

ROS: Something more than his father's death

GUIL: He's always talking about us---there aren't two people living whom he dotes on more than us.

ROS: We cheer him up---find out what's the matter

GUIL: Exactly, it's a matter of asking the right questions and giving away as little as we can.

It's a game.

ROS: And then we can go?

GUIL: And receive such thanks as fits a king's remembrance.

ROS: I like the sound of that. What do you think he means by remembrance?

GUIL: He doesn't forget his friends.

ROS: Would you care to estimate?

GUIL: Difficult to say, really---some kings tend to be amnesiac, others I suppose---the opposite, whatever that is...

ROS: Yes---but--- Elephantine... ?

ROS: Not how long---how much?

GUIL: Retentive---he's a very retentive king, a royal retainer. .

ROS: What are you playing at?

GUIL: Words, words. They're all we have to go on.

Pause.

ROS: Shouldn't we be doing something---constructive?

GUIL: What did you have in mind?... A short, blunt human pyramid... ?

ROS: We could go.

GUIL: Where?

ROS: After him.

GUIL: Why? They've got us placed now---if we start moving around, we'll all be chasing each other all night.

Hiatus.

ROS ( at footlights): How very intriguing! ( Turns. ) I feel like a spectator---an appalling business. The only thing that makes it bearable is the irrational belief that somebody interesting will come on in a minute...

GUIL: See anyone?

ROS: No. You?

GUIL: No. ( At footlights. ) What a fine persecution---to be kept intrigued without ever quite being enlightened... ( Pause. ) We've had no practice.

ROS: We could Play at questions.

GUIL: What good would that do?

ROS: Practice!

GUIL: Statement! one-love.

ROS: Cheating!

GUIL: How?

ROS: I hadn't started yet.

GUIL: Statement. Two-love

ROS: Are you counting that?

GUIL: What?

ROS: Are you counting that?

GUIL: Foul! No repetitions Three-love First game to...

ROS: I'm not going to play if you're going to be like that.

GUIL: Whose serve?

ROS: Hah?

GUIL: Foul! No grunts. Love-one.

ROS: Whose go?

GUIL: Why?

ROS: Why not?

GUIL: What for?

ROS. Foul! No synonyms! One-all.

GUIL: What in God's name is going on?

ROS: Foul! No rhetoric. Two-one.

GUIL: What does it all add up to?

ROS: Can't you guess?

GUIL: Were You addressing me?

ROS: Is there anyone else?

GUIL: Who?

ROS How Would I know?

GUIL: Why do you ask?

ROS: Are you serious?

GUIL: Was that rhetoric?

ROS: No.

GUIL: Statement! Two-all. Game point.

ROS: What's the matter with you today?

GUIL: When?

ROS: What?

GUIL: Are you deaf?

ROS: Am I dead?

GUIL: Yes or no

ROS: Is there a choice?

GUIL: Is there a God?

ROS: Foul! No non sequiturs,

GUIL: ( seriously): What's your name?

ROS: What's yours?

GUIL: I asked you first.