area for danger, but this land was barren, which would make playing lookout easy if there were owls or any other wildlife in the area.
Keither rested his hands on his belly, noticing that despite his perceived hardships, he was the only person not to lose weight. Thoughts about what his brother had said right before he died came to mind. He really was worthless when he thought about it. But still, that’s who he was; why try to change? He was uncomfortable and sat up, turning his torso and causing his back to crack and pop soothingly. Legon glanced over at him.
“Why aren’t you asleep, Keither?”
He was sure Legon would take the big brother role to heart.
“One could ask the same of you,” he said, trying to sound insightful.
“True, but then who would be keeping a lookout, you?”
He felt uneasy. That had been a dumb thing to say.
“Point taken. But aren’t you tired of doing this every night? I mean, you just changed. You have to be worn out.”
He thought he heard a small chuckle come from Legon. He answered in a calm voice.
“I am very tired, yes. But I don’t see what that has to do with anything.”
“What doesn’t it have to do with? Don’t you want to quit or stop or anything?”
“Of course I do, Keither, but it’s not that simple, now is it?” There was a firmness in his voice that told Keither to step lightly.
“Well, I guess I don’t see your point. If you’re tired, rest.”
“And if danger comes, should we just wait to find out when they get here? Or would you tell them to take a load off for awhile, too?” Legon looked away. There was a point here; Keither was sure. Some lesson he was to learn.
“When you put it that way I see your point. I didn’t think about that.”
“You rarely think very far down the road, Keither,” Legon said.
Ah, the point was here, but for once he was going to listen to it. In a way, Legon was like his brother, Kovos. He had tried to drive home something to Keither, too, but he never got it.
“I know, I’m lazy and I don’t think ahead, yeah I get it.” Well, he thought he understood it but didn’t get it. He was starting to see now that there was a difference between the two.
Legon turned to him. “Do you get it? If so, why not change your behavior? You’re not dumb, Keither. Surely you see that if it was you that we followed the whole lot of us would be long since dead by now.”
That was a stinging remark. Legon had always been nice to him, and even now he wasn’t talking unkindly. But he was being very frank.
He felt himself tense for an argument. “So, you’re right and I’m wrong?” Keither spat.
Legon’s response was genial. “Only if you perceive being alive as the desired outcome of this little adventure.”
“What kind of dumb thing is that to say? Why would I want to die?”
Legon brought a finger to his lips, telling him not to wake the others. “If you do care about living, why don’t you act like it?”
Keither was at a loss for this. Legon was using logic against him and winning by the looks of it.
“Why do you do nothing with your life, Keither?”
There was real interest and concern in his tone. Legon was trying to understand, trying to figure out why someone would choose the life Keither did.
“Well I, I want to, but it’s not…well…”
“It’s not as easy? Don’t you want things in this life?”
“Well, yes.” Keither said, of course he did
Legon pressed “Like what?”
He stopped at this. What did he want out of life? He thought for a moment, taking in his surroundings, stopping just a moment longer on Sara. A normal person wouldn’t have seen the pause, but someone trained in the Jezeer would, and so would an Elf. Both sat before him in one person. “If you want her, you will need to try a bit harder, don’t you think?” Legon asked.
“What did Kovos think of me?” Keither blurted without thinking.
He saw the outline of Legon’s head tilt to the side. “Do you really want to know?”
Did he? Was this something that he could handle right after his brother’s death? Within hours really, was he ready for the good or the bad?
“Yes.”
“What if it is unpleasant? Once said, there is no taking it back.”
Obviously there was no taking things back. Was Legon talking about the effect that it might have on him? Well, this news would have an effect on Keither. That was for sure.
“Yes, tell me, please.” As he spoke, he tried to send the message with his mind as well, showing the emotions that showed his desire.
“Very well. He loved you very deeply, and wanted only the best for you. He thought that you were more intelligent than him and that you had more natural talent as well.”
Keither was at a loss for words “He did? Wow. I always thought that he loved me as a brother but didn’t like me all that much.”
Legon leaned forward. “You are more intelligent than him and more talented, I agree. But I didn’t say that he liked you. He loved you, and there is a difference. You don’t have to like someone that you love.”
“Oh. Well, thank you for telling me.”
“I’m not done, Keither. He thought you were lazy and stubborn beyond reason. He didn’t like you because you are throwing your life away, a life that he would have liked to have. You make no attempt to hone your skills, barring trying to prove people wrong. You also refuse to grow as a person.”
There was a lump in Keither’s throat at this. He wasn’t ready for this news. Keither knew it was hurting Legon to say this. The man had taken his pain for a short time; there was no way causing more would feel good.
“Is there more?” Keither asked
Legon started again. “Yes. He was convinced that you hated him. That was what he thought at the end, but he was willing to do what it took to give you a shot. Keither, I’m sorry, I know this was not what you wanted to hear, but remember he and I both think that you are capable of great things if you try.”
Legon gestured with his head at where Sara slept. “And she does as well.”
Legon was telling the truth, and that’s what stung the most. Keither’s brother was a hero, but he was… “A lump of lard,” he thought.
Legon spoke, not needing to read his mind. “But it is a choice, know that. You choose what you are. Make sure it’s a choice that you will not regret on your death bed.”
“Ok, I will,” was the only response he had.
“Now,” Legon said flatly.
“What? Why now? Can’t I think about what I want to be?”
“I’m not talking about a trade or where to live. Decide who you are to be now so when presented with obstacles in life you have already chosen what to do. Not choosing is a choice. You have thought long enough. I will support you in whatever choice you make.”
Keither knew that was a true statement. Legon would take the mantle of older brother, but unlike Kovos, he would not make decisions for him. Keither looked down, thinking. He wasn’t unhappy with his life; he was content. He looked over at Sara. To him she was the embodiment of a different future whether she chose him or not. That path would have lots of pain in it, and sorrow; his current path would not.
“My current path is easier and will mean less suffering in this life…”
“But it will also mean less happiness as well. Life is a balance. Your capacity to do good is only as strong as your ability to do evil, remember that.”
He had a point. Keither was content with life but that was it. He wasn’t all that happy or sad. This little adventure of theirs made him feel more alive than he ever had. Still, he didn’t want the suffering. He looked at the sleeping form of Sara almost as if it would tell him what to do, and in a way it did. This was going to be wonderfully horrible, he thought. It was his choice of what he did with this life. He may have the potential to do bad things, but
