“Honey—”
She continued, speaking so fast her sentences began to run together. “Angie’s learned how to swim and you’ve never been in a pool with her. The damn next-door neighbor’s teaching her to ride a bike. She’s going to be six in a month and you haven’t been to a single birthday she can remember.”
She stopped, clearly wishing she hadn’t said these things on the night before I deployed. She began to cry. “It’s not fair. Why is it always you? Tim left the Unit. Why can’t you do the same?”
Tim was a friend who had just retired from the military and started his own security consulting business. It would do me no good to tell her that Tim was still conducting dangerous work — maybe more so because he no longer had the backing of the U.S. government. I embraced her, whispering in her ear, “It’s not always me. There’re plenty of guys like me. I’ve told you I’m done. This is my last tour.”
She began to sob. “You’ve said that before…. I worry all the time…. I’m afraid when the phone rings. It’s always the same man telling me you’re okay. I think to myself,
I knew then that something had broken; something inside Heather had collapsed under the strain. She had always known the importance of my work, and had given me unwavering support through absences at Christmas, birthdays, and anniversaries. She had been my biggest cheerleader, but something had changed. It sank in for the first time that this really was my last tour. I love the mission with a passion. More than just a job, it defines who I am. But make no mistake, I love my family more.
I held her close, stroking her hair. “Shhh. That’s not going to happen. Look, I’ll talk to Kurt, see if I can get a weekend at home after the lockdown, so I can be at Angie’s birthday. That’ll be a start, won’t it?”
Heather looked at me, her face softening. I had hoped that night that committing to come home for Angie’s birthday would be the first step toward Heather’s believing in our new future.
Before I could say anything else, Angie came scampering in from outside. “Dad! The food’s on fire!”
Heather broke the embrace and looked into my eyes. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said any of that.” She sniffled and wiped the tears from her face. She gave me a halfhearted smile. “Go save the steaks. You can save the world tomorrow. We’ll see you in a month.”
I smiled back, kissed her on the lips, and jogged out to the grill.
After dinner, Heather went to clean the kitchen and I took Angie to her room on my back. I turned out the lights and lay next to her.
“Dad, did you know Mr. Paul’s going to teach me to ride a bike?”
“Mom told me that. I can’t wait to see you do it.”
I answered nicely but wanted to leap out of bed, run next door, and punch good ol’ Mr. Paul in the mouth. Maybe I wanted to punch myself, I don’t know.
“Will you watch me when you get back?”
“Of course I will, doodlebug. Go to sleep.”
She closed her eyes but kept talking. “How long are you going to be gone this time?”
I felt an acid bile in my stomach. “Same amount of time, but this will be the last time for a while.”
“How come you always have to go? Mr. Paul never goes away. How come he gets to play with Megan all the time?”
Angie was old enough to make connections between my life and the lives of others. Looking at her by the glow of the nightlight, I felt more torn than I ever had in my life, pulled in opposite directions by forces outside of my control. It was almost a physical pain.
I stroked her hair. “You know why I have to go.”
“To keep the bad men away?”
I leaned over and gave her a kiss. “That’s right, to keep the bad men away.”
8
Memories of that night, and the commitment I had made to Heather, were interrupted by Blaine Alexander moving to the front of the table. He addressed the group. “Well, I’m lucky to be working with my favorite team on this one.”
The comment caused the team to laugh. Whenever he became involved, the endgame had begun, so whatever team he was working with became his favorite team. Blaine and I had worked together on multiple operations in the Taskforce. He was a pretty switched-on guy, politically savvy and tactically sound. He had to be to keep the job. Before he could continue, I raised my hand. “Sir, I need to talk to Colonel Hale. Can you start without me? It won’t take a minute.”
He nodded, knowing what it was about. “Yeah, go ahead.”
I left the room at a jog, seeing Kurt talking to his deputy commander, George Wolffe, outside of the Ops Center. George had come over from the CIA’s National Clandestine Service. I don’t know him near as well, but from what I’ve seen, he’s calm and levelheaded. Unlike a lot of the folks at the CIA, Kurt said he was a meat-eater, so that was good enough for me. I didn’t mind talking in front of him.
“Colonel Hale. Hey. Hold up. I need to talk to you.”
“What’s up?”
“I need to go with the team. I need to fly tonight.”
Kurt looked at me like I was nuts. “What are you talking about? You’re the one who begged me to break protocol and let you go home for your daughter’s birthday. I broke every rule in the book to make that happen. People jumped through hoops to get you clean for the trip. Now you want to go to Tbilisi?”
“Sir, things have changed. The trip was planned because of our deployment schedule. The team’s now deploying early. I need to go.”
“You need to go home to your family. Come on, Pike, nothing’s going to happen between now and when you get there. They’ll just be building a pattern of life. This thing won’t kick off for at least a week.”
“You don’t know that. We could be in a world of shit in twenty-four hours. I
“Pike, think about this. You’re the one who told me you haven’t been to a single birthday of your daughter’s since the first one. Go home. Azzam will wait. Even if this pops, there’ll be other targets. Take the leave.”
“No. This is it. I told you before. This is my last rotation. There won’t be any other targets for me. My team’s leaving. I need to go. We’re at Omega, for Christ’s sake. Don’t do this to me.”
Kurt said nothing for a beat, staring at me, mulling over the request. “Okay. You can go. But if you’re flying tonight, you don’t have time to get to a non-attrib phone for a call. Heather’s going to get the usual notice from the Alias Shop after you’re gone.”
Heather had gotten this kind of impersonal phone call from operations plenty of times, updating her on my status. This time would be particularly difficult, but I knew she would understand.
“Good enough. She’ll get over it. She knows this is my last tour. After this, it’ll be Pike 24/7.”
When I reentered the conference room, Knuckles gave me a look. I nodded, bringing a smile to his face. After that, we both focused on the man talking, spending the next four hours getting an in-depth briefing on the target, his templated actions, the Tbilisi environment, and the cover we would use to get the mission done.
Later, as we were packing our kit for the flight in the fourth-floor locker room, Knuckles broached the subject. “Heather’s going to murder you for this. You promised her. It’s the only reason she let you do this tour.”
“She’ll understand. The guy’s trying to get a fucking dirty bomb. It’s what I’m here for. It’s not like I did this for a boondoggle to Hawaii or something.” I started packing, saying again, “She’ll understand.”
Knuckles finished what he was doing and walked out of the room, saying, “That’s what I said before my divorce.”
I shouted at his back, “You married a stripper when you were nineteen! She left you three months after you tied the knot! Heather will understand.”
Knuckles had already left the room, leaving me to say the last part as more of an affirmation than a fact. I
