One Rough Man

cafe, I’ll crack into his room and see if I can spot the device, or come up with anything else that screams WMD. Run me through what you saw for security. What were the door locks like, did you see any cameras, was there a lot of traffic, basically anything you can think of that might interfere with me getting in.”

Jennifer sat for a moment, collecting her thoughts. When she was ready, she gave me a fairly detailed description of everything she had seen. I expected her to have tunnel vision, focusing on her survival after the contact with Carlos like most civilians would have, but she was able to clearly describe the exact number of doors in the hallway, the type of lock, the direction the doors opened, and even give a fairly good description of the old man she had inadvertently run into, to include what she could see of the layout of his room. I had gotten less information from trained operators in the past.

“So, you’re positive you didn’t see any cameras? Anything being fed to the front desk?”

“No. There’s nothing like that. I’m sure of it. The hotel’s fairly rundown. The only thing I saw was an old guy at the front desk, and he didn’t even look up when I entered.”

“You’re positive that there was only one lock, and it was like ours here in the hotel room?

“Well, I’m positive that’s true about the guy’s room at the end of the hall. I can’t say for sure about Carlos’s room, since he was standing in front of his door when I went by, but if all of the rooms are the same, then it has a lever, and a keyhole above the lever. That’s it.”

“And it looked just like our door lock?”

She pointed at our hotel room door. “Down to the engraving on the plate.”

“Okay. I think I can get in with our key.”

“How? Just because it looks like our lock doesn’t mean our key will fit. I mean, really, I’ve seen enough Magnum PI episodes to know that won’t work.”

“If our key will fit into Carlos’s keyhole, it will work. It won’t open it, you’re right, but I’m going to take our key and make a ‘bump key.’ If I do it right, we should walk right in.” I grinned. “Trust me.”

87

We attempted to have a normal evening at a local restaurant. Jennifer was subdued throughout the meal and I could tell that something was eating at her. When we got back to the hotel, she asked, “What are we going to do if you don’t find any WMD in his room?”

“Honestly, I don’t know. I’ve been thinking about it, and don’t have an answer. Let’s take it one step at a time. Right now, I just want to build the bump key and go to sleep. We’re both exhausted, and it might be the only rest we get for a while.”

Jennifer nodded absently. “Yeah, I could use the sleep.”

“Look, quit worrying. We can’t do anything right now and it’ll just keep you awake all night.”

“I know, I know, but… Pike, I’m scared. I really thought I was going to die today. I have never been so terrified. This guy plans to kill a lot of people. I don’t think I realized what that meant until I thought he was going to kill me.”

Here it comes. She’s seen the elephant. Need to give her some confidence. “Quit it. Fear isn’t bad. You just have to manage it, like you did today. This guy is going to try to kill a lot of people. We’re going to stop it. Right?”

She stared at me, like she wanted to say something but wasn’t sure how. I’d seen it before. Soldiers who had a near-death experience and wanted to talk, but didn’t know what to say. Her next question threw me completely off.

“What was Heather like?”

I sat in silence for a second or two, wondering where this was going.

“I… I can’t sum that up in a sentence. Why’d you ask?”

She didn’t answer the question. Didn’t appear to even hear it. “You know what I was thinking about at the end of that hall? I mean besides the scared shitless feeling that I was going to die? I thought that if Carlos killed me it would destroy you.”

“Come on. That’s not going to happen. You’re not going to die and I’m not going to self-destruct.”

She ignored me. “I felt so selfish. I had run into the hotel because we needed to get the information and it was my life. But it’s more than my life.”

“Jennifer, it’s never just your life. There’s always someone else who’ll be hurt. That’s just the way it is.”

She was staring at me now, making me uncomfortable. The twinge had come back with strength unlike anything I had felt since I had lost Heather. It was almost unbearable, a confusing mishmash of emotions that made me want to flee the room. Stop it. Remember the mission. Focus.

She continued. “I understand that my death would affect others. I mean, my death would also crush my mother, but I didn’t think about her. This was different. The fear of dying wasn’t as bad as the fear of causing you pain.”

Where is this going? I had intended to give her a little support, a shot of confidence, like I had done many times to other soldiers in the past, but I was no longer on familiar ground. “Well, I’m glad I’m good for something. If pity gets the mission done, then I guess I’m a pathetic loser who’ll fall apart at the drop of a hat. Can we talk about something else?”

“That’s not what I meant. I… I don’t know what’s going to happen tomorrow and I just wanted you to know….”

“What?”

She leaned in and kissed me.

“You’re a good man. Much better than you give yourself credit for. Maybe better than anyone I’ve ever met. You didn’t kill your family. You should let it go.”

I sat still, frozen by her actions.

Jennifer laughed. “Wow. I finally made you speechless. I should have done that days ago.”

“Jennifer… I… uh…”

She put a finger to my lips. “Shhh. I’m not looking for any deep thoughts. I just wanted to say that… in case… you know.”

In case one of us dies.

I remained silent for a second, not wanting to dwell on tomorrow’s potential consequences.

“You asked about Heather,” I said. “She was… a lot like you.”

The words seemed to bring a sense of calm to her. She put her hand over mine.

“Thank you. I think that’s the best compliment you could ever give.”

“You’re welcome. Now, enough of the soul-searching.” I stood up, locking my churning emotions away and trying to concentrate on the mission. “We need to get some sleep. We have a big day tomorrow.”

She remained seated, saying nothing, but with a different glint in her eyes.

“What?”

“I… I’d rather you didn’t sleep on the floor tonight. Is that all right?”

The question took a moment to sink in. When it did, it separated my confusing emotions like oil and water. Jesus, you want to. The thought made me feel like a traitor, disgusting me to my core. I can’t sleep around on Heather. The notion was ridiculous, but overwhelmingly there nonetheless. Shit. What do I say now?

Jennifer had just been through a harrowing event, and had now opened herself up in the most vulnerable way possible. The close call itself may have been to blame. I didn’t want to hurt her. I sat down again, taking her hand.

“Jennifer… I… I… can’t do that….”

She blinked and looked at the floor. When she looked back at me, she was smiling, like I had confirmed something.

“I know. I just meant you could use a good night’s sleep. Off of the floor. The bed’s big enough.”

We both knew what she really meant, but somehow my answer had avoided giving her pain. I smiled back,