What happens when we go?
[BEN puts on his jacket.]
They can't do much business.
[The box descends. They turn about, GUS goes to the hatch and brings out a note.]
1. Potato chips.
.
THE DUMB WAITER / 262 1
GUS [Reading.] Macaroni Pastitsio. Ormitha Macarounada. BEN What was that? GUS Macaroni Pastitsio. Ormitha Macarounada. BEN Greek dishes. GUS No. BEN That's right. GUS That's pretty high class. BEN Quick before it goes up.
[GUS puts the plate in the box.] GUS [Calling up the hatch.] Three McVitie and Price! One Lyons Red Label!
One Smith's Crisps!2 One Eccles cake! One Fruit and Nut! BEN Cadbury's.3 GUS [Up the hatch.] Cadbury's! BEN [Handing the milk.] One bottle of milk. GUS [Up the hatch.] One bottle of milk! Half a pint! [He looks at the label.]
Express Dairy! [He puts the bottle in the box. ] [The box goes up. ]
Just did it. BEN You shouldn't shout like that. GUS Why not? BEN It isn't done.
[BEN goes to his bed.]
Well, that should be all right, anyway, for the time being. GUS You think so, eh? BEN Get dressed, will you? It'll be any minute now.
[GUS puts on his waistcoat, BEN lies down and looks up at the ceiling.] GUS This is some place. No tea and no biscuits. BEN Eating makes you lazy, mate. You're getting lazy, you know that? You
don't want to get slack on your job. GUS Who me? BEN Slack, mate, slack. GUS Who me? Slack? BEN Have you checked your gun? You haven't even checked your gun. It
looks disgraceful, anyway. Why don't you ever polish it? [GUS nibs his revolver on the sheet, BEN takes out a pocket mirror and straightens his tie.]
GUS I wonder where the cook is. They must have had a few, to cope with
that. Maybe they had a few more gas stoves. Eh! Maybe there's another
kitchen along the passage. BEN Of course there is! Do you know what it takes to make an Ormitha
Macarounada? GUS No, what? BEN An Ormitha?! Buck your ideas up, will you? GUS Takes a few cooks, eh?
[GUS puts his revolver in its holster.]
The sooner we're out of this place the better.
[He puts on his jacket.] Why doesn't he get in touch? I feel like I've been here years. [He takes his revolver out of its holster to check the ammunition.] We've never let him
2. Brands, respectively, of cookies, tea, and potato 3. A brand of chocolate bar. chips.
.
261 6 / HAROLD PINTER
down though, have we? We've never let him down. I was thinking only the
other day, Ben. We're reliable, aren't we?
[He puts his revolver hack in its holster.]
Still, I'll be glad when it's over tonight.
[He brushes his jacket.]
I hope the bloke's not going to get excited tonight, or anything. I'm feeling a bit off. I've got a splitting headache.
[Silence. The box descends, BEN jumps up. GUS collects the note. ]
[Reading.[ One Bamboo Shoots, Water Chestnuts, and Chicken. One Char
Siu and Beansprouts. BEN Beansprouts? GUS Yes. BEN Blimey. GUS I wouldn't know where to begin.
[He looks back at the box. The packet of tea is inside it. He picks it up.]
They've sent back the tea. BEN [Anxious.] What'd they do that for? GUS Maybe it isn't teatime.
[The box goes up. Silence. ] BEN [Throwing the tea on the bed, and speaking urgently.] Look here. We'd
better tell them. GUS Tell them what? BEN That we can't do it, we haven't got it. GUS All right then. BEN Lend us your pencil. We'll write a note.
[GUS, turning for a pencil, suddenly discovers the speaking tube, which hangs on the right wall of the hatch facing his bed.]
GUS What's this? BEN What? GUS This. BEN [Examining it.] This? It's a speaking tube. GUS HOW long has that been there? BEN Just the job. We should have used it before, instead of shouting up there. GUS Funny I never
