their employment. Their diversion. Paper is what they had. And there'll be
more. There is always more. We can find it! HANNAH Such passion. First Valentine, now you. It's moving. BERNARD The aristocratic friend of the tutor?under the same roof as the
poor sod whose book he savaged?the first thing he does is seduce Chater's wife. All is discovered. There is a duel. Chater dead, Byron fled! P.s. guess what?, the widow married her ladyship's brother! Do you honestly think no one wrote a word? How could they not! It dropped from sight but we will write it again!
HANNAH You can, Bernard. I'm not going to take any credit, I haven't done anything.
[The same thought has clearly occurred to BERNARD. He becomes instantly po-faced.}4
BERNARD Well, that's?very fair?generous? HANNAH Prudent. Chater could have died of anything, anywhere.
[The po-face is forgotten.]
BERNARD But he fought a duel with Byron!
HANNAH You haven't established it was fought. You haven't established it was Byron. For God's sake, Bernard, you haven't established Byron was even here!
BERNARD I'll tell you your problem. No guts. HANNAH Really? BERNARD By which I mean a visceral belief in yourself. Gut instinct. The part
of you which doesn't reason. The certainty for which there is no back- reference. Because time is reversed. Tock, tick goes the universe and then recovers itself, but it was enough, you were in there and you bloody know.
VALENTINE Are you talking about Lord Byron, the poet? BERNARD No, you fucking idiot, we're talking about Lord Byron the chartered5 accountant. VALENTINE [Unojfended.] Oh well, he was here all right, the poet.
[SiZewce.] HANNAH How do you know? VALENTINE He's in the game book. I think he shot a hare. I read through the
whole lot once when I had mumps?some quite interesting people?
4. Pompously serious. 5. Certified.
.
278 8 / TOM STOPPARD
HANNAH Where's the book? VALENTINE It's not one I'm using?too early, of course? HANNAH 1809.
VALENTINE They've always been in the commode. Ask Chloe.
[HANNAH looks to BERNARD. BERNARD has been silent because he has been incapable of speech. He seems to have gone into a trance, in which only his mouth tries to work, HANNAH steps over to him and gives him a demure kiss on the cheek. It works. BERNARD lurches out into the garden and can be heard croaking for 'Chloe . . . Chloe!']
VALENTINE My mother's lent him her bicycle. Lending one's bicycle is a form of safe sex, possibly the safest there is. My mother is in a flutter about Bernard, and he's no fool. He gave her a first edition of Horace Walpole, and now she's lent him her bicycle.
[He gathers up the three items [the primer, the lesson book and the diagramj and puts them into the portfolio.]
Can I keep these for a while? HANNAH Yes, of course. [The piano stops. GUS enters hesitantly from the music room.] VALENTINE [To GUS.] Yes, finished . . . coming now. [To HANNAH.] I'm trying to work out the diagram.
[GUS nods and smiles, at HANNAH too, but she is preoccupied.]
HANNAH What I don't understand is . . . why nobody did this feedback thing before?it's not like relativity, you don't have to be Einstein. VALENTINE YOU couldn't see to look before. The electronic calculator was
what the telescope was for Galileo.6 HANNAH Calculator? VALENTINE There wasn't enough time before. There weren't enough pencilsl
[He flourishes Thomasina's lesson book.] This took her I don't know how many days and she hasn't scratched the paintwork. Now she'd only have to press a button, the same button over and over. Iteration. A few minutes. And what I've done in a couple of months, with only a pencil the calculations would take me the rest of my life to do again?thousands of pages?tens of thousands! And so boring!
HANNAH Do you mean?? [She stops because GUS is plucking VALENTINE S sleeve.]
Do you mean?? VALENTINE All right, Gus, I'm coming. HANNAH Do you mean that was the only problem? Enough time? And paper?
And the boredom? VALENTINE We're going to get out the dressing-up box. HANNAH [Driven to raising her voice.] Val! Is that what you're saying? VALENTINE [Surprised by her. Mildly.] No, I'm saying you'd have to have a
reason for doing it. [GUS runs out of the room, upset.] [Apologetically.] He hates people shouting. HANNAH I'm sorry. [VALENTINE starts to follow GUS.]
But anything else? VALENTINE Well, the other thing is, you'd have to be insane.
6. Galileo Galilei (1 564?1 642), Italian astronomer.
.
ARCADIA II.5 / 2789
[VALENTINE leaves.
