taking questions at the end. Constructive comments will
be welcome. Which is indeed my reason for trying out in the provinces before my London opening9 under the auspices of the Byron Society prior to publication. By the way, Valentine, do you want a credit??'the game book recently discovered by'?
VALENTINE It was never lost, Bernard.
BERNARD 'As recently pointed out by.' I don't normally like giving credit where it's due, but with scholarly articles as with divorce, there is a certain cachet1 in citing a member of the aristocracy. I'll pop it in ad lib2 for the lecture, and give you a mention in the press release. How's that?
VALENTINE Very kind. HANNAH Press release? What happened to the Journal of English Studies? BERNARD That comes later with the apparatus,3 and in the recognized tone?
very dry, very modest, absolutely gloat-free, and yet unmistakably 'Eat your heart out, you dozy bastards'. But first, it's 'Media Don,4 book early to avoid disappointment'. Where was I?
VALENTINE Game book. CHLOE Eros. HANNAH Borrowed. BERNARD Right. '?borrowed from Septimus Hodge. Is it conceivable that
the letters were already in the book when Byron borrowed it?'
VALENTINE Yes. CHLOE Shut up, Val. VALENTINE Well, it's conceivable. BERNARD 'Is it likely that Hodge would have lent Byron the book without first
removing the three private letters?' VALENTINE Look, sorry?I only meant, Byron could have borrowed the book
without asking. HANNAH That's true. BERNARD Then why wouldn't Hodge get them back? HANNAH I don't know, I wasn't there. BERNARD That's right, you bloody weren't. CHLOE G O on, Bernard. BERNARD 'It is the third document, the challenge itself, that convinces. Cha
ter 'as a man and a poet', points the finger at his 'slanderer in the press'. Neither as a man nor a poet did Ezra Chater cut such a figure as to be habitually slandered or even mentioned in the press. It is surely indisputable that the slander was the review of 'The Maid of Turkey' in the Piccadilly Recreation. Did Septimus Hodge have any connection with the London periodicals? No. Did Byron? Yes! He had reviewed Wordsworth two years earlier, he was to review Spencer5 two years later. And do we have any clue as to Byron's opinion of Chater the poet? Yes! Who but Byron could have written
9. New plays in Britain are frequently first per-neous aside. formed outside London in preparation for more-3. In the later version with footnotes. sophisticated audiences in the capital. 4. Professor in the media spotlight. 1. Distinction. 5. William Robert Spencer (1769-1834), poet 2. Short for ad libitum (Latin): as an extempora-and wit.
.
2792 / TOM STOPPARD
the four lines pencilled into Lady Croom's copy of English Bards and Scotch Reviewers'?
HANNAH Almost anybody. BERNARD Darling? HANNAH Don't call me darling. BERNARD Dickhead, then, is it likely that the man Chater calls his friend
Septimus Hodge is the same man who screwed his wife and kicked the shit
out of his last book? HANNAH Put it like that, almost certain. CHLOE [Earnestly.] You've been deeply wounded in the past, haven't you,
Hannah? HANNAH Nothing compared to listening to this. Why is there nothing in
Byron's letters about the Piccadilly reviews? BERNARD Exactly. Because he killed the author. HANNAH But the first one, 'The Maid of Turkey', was the year before. Was
he clairvoyant? CHLO E Letters get lost. BERNARD Thank you! Exactly! There is a platonic6 letter which confirms
everything?lost but ineradicable, like radio voices rippling through the universe for all eternity. 'My dear Hodge?here I am in Albania and you're the only person in the whole world who knows why. Poor C! I never wished him any harm?except in the Piccadilly, of course?it was the woman who bade me eat,7 dear Hodge!?what a tragic business, but thank God it ended well for poetry. Yours ever, B.?PS. Burn this.'
VALENTINE HOW did Chater find out the reviewer was Byron? BERNARD [Irritated.] I don't know, I wasn't there, was I? [Pause. To HANNAH.]
You wish to say something? HANNAH Moi?8 CHLOE I know. Byron told Mrs Chater in bed. Next day he dumped her so
she grassed on him, and pleaded date rape. BERNARD [Fastidiously.] Date rape? What do you mean, date rape? HANNAH April the tenth.
[BERNARD cracks. Everything becomes loud and overlapped as BERNARD threatens to walk out and is cajoled into continuing.]
BERNARD Right!?forget it! HANNAH Sorry? BERNARD No?I've had nothing but sarcasm and childish interruptions? VALENTINE What did I do? BERNARD No credit for probably the most sensational literary discovery of the
century? CHLOE I think you're jolly unfair?they're jealous, Bernard? HANNAH I won't say another word? VALENTINE Yes, go on, Bernard?we promise. BERNARD [Finally.] Well, only if you stop feeding tortoises! VALENTINE Well, it's his lunch time. BERNARD And on condition that I am afforded the common courtesy of a
scholar among scholars? HANNAH Absolutely mum till you're finished?
6. Nonexistent ideal. 8. Me? (French). 7. Cf. Genesis 3.12.
.
ARCADIA II.5 / 2793
