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THE IMPORTANCE OF BEING EARNEST, ACT 1 / 17 11
ALGERNON
It isn't!
JACK
Well, I won't argue about the matter. You always want to argue about
things.
ALGERNON
That is exactly what things were originally made for.
JACK
Upon my word, if 1 thought that, I'd shoot myself. . . [A pause.] You don't think there is any chance of Gwendolen becoming like her mother in
about a hundred and fifty years, do you, Algy?
ALGERNON
All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No
man does. That's his.
JACK
IS that clever? ALGERNON
It is perfectly phrased! and quite as true as any observation in civilized life should be.
JACK
I am sick to death of cleverness. Everybody is clever nowadays. You
can't go anywhere without meeting clever people. The thing has become an
absolute public nuisance. I wish to goodness we had a few fools left.
ALGERNON
We have.
JACK
I should extremely like to meet them. What do they talk about?
ALGERNON
The fools? Oh! about the clever people, of course.
JACK
What fools!
ALGERNON
By the way, did you tell Gwendolen the truth about your being Ernest in town, and Jack in the country? JACK [In a very patronizing manner.] My dear fellow, the truth isn't quite the sort of thing one tells to a nice sweet refined girl. What extraordinary ideas
you have about the way to behave to a woman!
ALGERNON
The only way to behave to a woman is to make love to9 her, if she
is pretty, and to someone else if she is plain. JACK Oh, that is nonsense. ALGERNON
What about your brother? What about the profligate Ernest?
JACK
Oh, before the end of the week I shall have got rid of him. I'll say he
died in Paris of apoplexy. Lots of people die of apoplexy, quite suddenly,
don't they?
ALGERNON
Yes, but it's hereditary, my dear fellow. It's a sort of thing that
runs in families. You had much better say a severe chill.
JACK
You are sure a severe chill isn't hereditary, or anything of that kind?
ALGERNON
Of course it isn't!
