have, Ernest! They are quite, quite blue. I hope you will always look at me
just like that, especially when there are other people present.
[Enter LADY BRACKNELL.]
LADY RRACKNELL
Mr. Worthing! Rise, sir, from this semi-recumbent posture.
It is most indecorous. GWENDOLEN Mamma! [He tries to rise; she restrains him.] I must beg you to retire. This is no place for you. Besides, Mr. Worthing has not quite finished
yet.
LADY BRACKNELL
Finished what, may I ask?
GWENDOLEN
I am engaged to Mr. Worthing, mamma.
[They rise together.]
LADY BRACKNELL
Pardon me, you are not engaged to anyone. When you do
.
1 1708 / OSCAR WILDE
become engaged to someone, I, or your father, should his health permit
him, will inform you of the fact. An engagement should come on a young
girl as a surprise, pleasant or unpleasant, as the case may be. It is hardly a
matter that she could be allowed to arrange for herself. . . . And now I have
a few questions to put to you, Mr. Worthing. While I am making these
inquiries, you, Gwendolen, will wait for me below in the carriage. GWENDOLEN [Reproachfully.] Mamma! LADY BRACKNELL
In the carriage, Gwendolen! [GWENDOLEN goes to the door. She and JACK blow kisses to each other behind LADY BRACKNELL'S back, LADY BRACKNELL looks vaguely about as if she coidd not understand what the noise was. Finally turns round.] Gwendolen, the carriage!
GWENDOLEN Yes, mamma. [Goes out, looking back at JACK.] LADY BRACKNELL [Sitting down.] You can take a seat, Mr. Worthing. [Looks in her pocket for notebook and pencil.]
JACK
Thank you, Lady Bracknell, I prefer standing. LADY BRACKNELL [Pencil and notebook in hand.] I feel bound to tell you that you are not down on my list of eligible young men, although I have the same
list as the dear Duchess of Bolton has. We work together, in fact. However,
I am quite ready to enter your name, should your answers be what a really
affectionate mother requires. Do you smoke?
JACK
Well, yes, I must admit I smoke.
LADY BRACKNELL
I am glad to hear it. A man should always have an occu
pation of some kind. There are far too many idle men in London as it is.
How old are you?
JACK
Twenty-nine.
LADY BRACKNELL
A very good age to be married at. I have always been of
opinion that a man who desires to get married should know either everything
or nothing. Which do you know? JACK [After some hesitation.] I know nothing, Lady Bracknell. LADY BRACKNELL
I am pleased to hear it. I do not approve of anything that
tampers with natural ignorance. Ignorance is like a delicate exotic fruit;
touch it and the bloom is gone. The whole theory of modern education is
radically unsound. Fortunately in England, at any rate, education produces
no effect whatsoever. If it did, it would prove a serious danger to the upper
