GWENDOLEN
Certainly. JACK [To LANE, who now enters.] I will see Miss Fairfax out. LANE Yes, sir. [JACK and GWENDOLEN go off.]
[LANE presents several letters on a salver to ALGERNON. It is to he surmised that they are hills, as ALGERNON after looking at the envelopes, tears them up.]
ALGERNON
A glass of sherry, Lane.
LANE Yes, sir.
ALGERNON
Tomorrow, Lane, I'm going Bunburying.
LANE Yes, sir. ALGERNON I shall probably not be back till Monday. You can put up my dress
clothes, my smoking jacket,4 and all the Bunbury suits . . . LANE Yes, sir. [Handing sherry.] ALGERNON I hope tomorrow will be a fine day, Lane. LANE
It never is, sir.
ALGERNON
Lane, you're a perfect pessimist.
LANE
I do my best to give satisfaction, sir.
[Enter JACK, LANE goes off.]
JACK There's a sensible, intellectual girl! the only girl I ever cared for in my life. [ALGERNON is laughing immoderately.] What on earth are you so amused at?
ALGERNON Oh, I'm a little anxious about poor Bunbury, that is all. JACK
If you don't take care, your friend Bunbury will get you into a serious
scrape some day.
ALGERNON
I love scrapes. They are the only things that are never serious.
JACK
Oh, that's nonsense, Algy. You never talk anything but nonsense.
ALGERNON
Nobody ever does.
[JACK looks indignantly at him, and leaves the room. ALGERNON lights a cigarette, reads his shirt-cuff, and smiles.]
ACT-DROP5
Second Act
SCENE?Garden at the Manor House. A flight of grey stone steps leads up to the house. The garden, an old- fashioned one, full of roses. Time of year, July. Basket chairs, and a table covered with hooks, are set under a large yew tree.
[MISS PRISM6 discovered seated at the table, CECILY is at the back watering flowers.]
4. Coat worn when gentlemen assembled in a scenes. room designated for smoking. The object was to 6. The name recalls Charles Dickens's Little Doravoid contaminating their regular clothing with the rit (1855?57), in which Mrs. General, a prim and smell of cigars or pipes, which was considered proper teacher of manners for young ladies, trains offensive to ladies. 'Put up': pack up. them to repeat 'prunes and prism' aloud because 5. A special curtain lowered during theatrical per-this exercise 'gives a pretty form to the lips.' formances to denote intervals between acts or
.
1 1714 / OSCAR WILDE
MISS PRISM [Calling.] Cecily, Cecily! Surely such a utilitarian occupation as the watering of flowers is rather Moulton's duty than yours? Especially at a moment when intellectual pleasures await you. Your German grammar is on the table. Pray open it at page fifteen. We will repeat yesterday's lesson.
CECILY [Coming over very slowly.] But I don't like German. It isn't at all a becoming language. I know perfectly well that I look quite plain after my German lesson.
MISS PRISM Child, you know how anxious your guardian is that you should
improve yourself in every way. He laid particular stress on your German, as
he was leaving for town yesterday. Indeed, he always lays stress on your
German when he is leaving for town.
CECILY Dear Uncle Jack is so very serious! Sometime he is so serious that I
think he cannot be quite well.
