‘Yes. That’s the custom with the Spanish. I was about to observe that Tonkosheev … ’
‘Come! you’re going to argue about classicism and romanticism again,’ Zinaida interrupted him a second time.’ We’d much better play …
‘Forfeits?’ put in Lushin.
‘No, forfeits are a bore; at comparisons.’ (This game Zinaida had invented herself. Some object was mentioned, every one tried to compare it with something, and the one who chose the best comparison got a prize.)
She went up to the window. The sun was just setting; high up in the sky were large red clouds.
‘What are those clouds like?’ questioned Zinaida; and without waiting for our answer, she said, ‘I think they are like the purple sails on the golden ship of Cleopatra, when she sailed to meet Antony. Do you remember, Meidanov, you were telling me about it not long ago?’
All of us, like Polonius in
‘And how old was Antony then?’ inquired Zinaida.
‘A young man, no doubt,’ observed Malevsky.
‘Yes, a young man,’ Meidanov chimed in in confirmation.
‘Excuse me,’ cried Lushin, ‘he was over forty.’
‘Over forty,’ repeated Zinaida, giving him a rapid glance… .
I soon went home. ‘She is in love,’ my lips unconsciously repeated… . ‘But with whom?’
XII
The days passed by. Zinaida became stranger and stranger, and more and more incomprehensible. One day I went over to her, and saw her sitting in a basket-chair, her head pressed to the sharp edge of the table. She drew herself up … her whole face was wet with tears.
‘Ah, you!’ she said with a cruel smile. ‘Come here.’
I went up to her. She put her hand on my head, and suddenly catching hold of my hair, began pulling it.
‘It hurts me,’ I said at last.
‘Ah! does it? And do you suppose nothing hurts me?’ she replied.
‘Ai!’ she cried suddenly, seeing she had pulled a little tuft of hair out. ‘What have I done? Poor M’sieu Voldemar!’
She carefully smoothed the hair she had torn out, stroked it round her finger, and twisted it into a ring.
‘I shall put your hair in a locket and wear it round my neck,’ she said, while the tears still glittered in her eyes. ‘That will be some small consolation to you, perhaps … and now good-bye.’
I went home, and found an unpleasant state of things there. My mother was having a scene with my father; she was reproaching him with something, while he, as his habit was, maintained a polite and chilly silence, and soon left her. I could not hear what my mother was talking of, and indeed I had no thought to spare for the subject; I only remember that when the interview was over, she sent for me to her room, and referred with great displeasure to the frequent visits I paid the princess, who was, in her words,
One day I was sitting on the wall looking into the distance and listening to the ringing of the bells… . Suddenly something floated up to me – not a breath of wind and not a shiver, but as it were a whiff of fragrance – as it were, a sense of some one’s being near… . I looked down. Below, on the path, in a light greyish gown, with a pink parasol on her shoulder, was Zinaida, hurrying along. She caught sight of me, stopped, and pushing back the brim of her straw hat, she raised her velvety eyes to me.
‘What are you doing up there at such a height?’ she asked me with a rather queer smile. ‘Come,’ she went on, ‘you always declare you love me; jump down into the road to me if you really do love me.’
Zinaida had hardly uttered those words when I flew down, just as though some one had given me a violent push from behind. The wall was about fourteen feet high. I reached the ground on my feet, but the shock was so great that I could not keep my footing; I fell down, and for an instant fainted away. When I came to myself again, without opening my eyes, I felt Zinaida beside me. ‘My dear boy,’ she was saying, bending over me, and there was a note of alarmed tenderness in her voice, ‘how could you do it, dear; how could you obey?… You know I love you… . Get up.’
Her bosom was heaving close to me, her hands were caressing my head, and suddenly – what were my emotions at that moment – her soft, fresh lips began covering my face with kisses … they touched my lips… . But then Zinaida probably guessed by the expression of my face that I had regained consciousness, though I still kept my eyes closed, and rising rapidly to her feet, she said: ‘Come, get up, naughty boy, silly, why are you lying in the dust?’ I got up. ‘Give me my parasol,’ said Zinaida, ‘I threw it down somewhere, and don’t stare at me like that … what ridiculous nonsense! you’re not hurt, are you? stung by the nettles, I daresay? Don’t stare at me, I tell you… . But he doesn’t understand, he doesn’t answer,’ she added, as though to herself… . ‘Go home, M’sieu’ Voldemar, brush yourself, and don’t dare to follow me, or I shall be angry, and never again … ’
She did not finish her sentence, but walked rapidly away, while I sat down by the side of the road … my legs would not support me. The nettles had stung my hands, my back ached, and my head was giddy; but the feeling of rapture I experienced then has never come a second time in my life. It turned to a sweet ache in all my limbs and found expression at last in joyful hops and skips and shouts. Yes, I was still a child.
XIII
I was so proud and light-hearted all that day, I so vividly retained on my face the feeling of Zinaida’s kisses, with such a shudder of delight I recalled every word she had uttered, I so hugged my unexpected happiness that I felt positively afraid, positively unwilling to see her, who had given rise to these new sensations. It seemed to me that now I could ask nothing more of fate, that now I ought to ‘go, and draw a deep last sigh and die.’ But, next day, when I went into the lodge, I felt great embarrassment, which I tried to conceal under a show of modest confidence, befitting a man who wishes to make it apparent that he knows how to keep a secret. Zinaida received me very simply, without any emotion, she simply shook her finger at me and asked me, whether I wasn’t black and blue? All my modest confidence and air of mystery vanished instantaneously and with them my embarrassment. Of course, I had not expected anything particular, but Zinaida’s composure was like a bucket of cold water thrown over me. I realised that in her eyes I was a child, and was extremely miserable! Zinaida walked up and down the room, giving me a quick smile, whenever she caught my eye, but her thoughts were far away, I saw that clearly… . ‘Shall I begin about what happened yesterday myself,’ I pondered; ‘ask her, where she was hurrying off so fast, so as to find out once for all’ … but with a gesture of despair, I merely went and sat down in a corner.
Byelovzorov came in; I felt relieved to see him.
‘I’ve not been able to find you a quiet horse,’ he said in a sulky voice; ‘Freitag warrants one, but I don’t feel any confidence in it, I am afraid.’
‘What are you afraid of?’ said Zinaida; ‘allow me to inquire?’
‘What am I afraid of? Why, you don’t know how to ride. Lord save us, what might happen! What whim is this has come over you all of a sudden?’
‘Come, that’s my business, Sir Wild Beast. In that case I will ask Piotr Vassilievitch.’ … (My father’s name was Piotr Vassilievitch. I was surprised at her mentioning his name so lightly and freely, as though she were confident of his readiness to do her a service.)
‘Oh, indeed,’ retorted Byelovzorov, ‘you mean to go out riding with him then?’
‘With him or with some one else is nothing to do with you. Only not with you, anyway.’
