despises me,' I thought. 'So I, too, am contemptible in his eyes. He
would never have stooped to this himself! He would not have accepted
presents from Nastasey. But what am I to do now?'
Give back the watch? Impossible!
I did try to talk to David, to ask his advice. He told me that he
never gave advice to anyone and that I had better do as I thought
best. As I thought best!! I remember I did not sleep all night
afterwards: I was in agonies of indecision. I was sorry to lose the
watch--I had laid it on the little table beside my bed; its ticking
was so pleasant and amusing ... but to feel that David despised me
(yes, it was useless to deceive myself, he did despise me) ... that
seemed to me unbearable. Towards morning a determination had taken
shape in me ... I wept, it is true--but I fell asleep upon it, and as
soon as I woke up, I dressed in haste and ran out into the street. I
had made up my mind to give my watch to the first poor person I met.
IV
I had not run far from home when I hit upon what I was looking for. I
came across a barelegged boy of ten, a ragged urchin, who was often
hanging about near our house. I dashed up to him at once and, without
giving him or myself time to recover, offered him my watch.
The boy stared at me round-eyed, put one hand before his mouth, as
though he were afraid of being scalded--and held out the other.
'Take it, take it,' I muttered, 'it's mine, I give it you, you can
sell it, and buy yourself ... something you want.... Good-bye.'
I thrust the watch into his hand--and went home at a gallop. Stopping
for a moment at the door of our common bedroom to recover my breath, I
went up to David who had just finished dressing and was combing his
hair.
'Do you know what, David?' I said in as unconcerned a tone as I could,
'I have given away Nastasey's watch.'
David looked at me and passed the brush over his temples.
'Yes,' I added in the same businesslike voice, 'I have given it away.
There is a very poor boy, a beggar, you know, so I have given it to
him.'
David put down the brush on the washing-stand.
'He can buy something useful,' I went on, 'with the money he can get
for it. Anyway, he will get something for it.'
I paused.
'Well,' David said at last, 'that's a good thing,' and he went off to
the schoolroom. I followed him.
'And if they ask you what you have done with it?' he said, turning to
me.
'I shall tell them I've lost it,' I answered carelessly.
No more was said about the watch between us that day; but I had the
feeling that David not only approved of what I had done but ... was to
some extent surprised by it. He really was!
V
Two days more passed. It happened that no one in the house thought of
the watch. My father was taken up with a very serious unpleasantness
with one of his clients; he had no attention to spare for me or my
watch. I, on the other hand, thought of it without ceasing! Even the
approval ... the presumed approval of David did not quite comfort me.
He did not show it in any special way: the only thing he said, and
that casually, was that he hadn't expected such recklessness of me.
Certainly I was a loser by my sacrifice: it was not counter-balanced
by the gratification afforded me by my vanity.
And what is more, as ill-luck would have it, another schoolfellow of
ours, the son of the town doctor, must needs turn up and begin
boasting of a new watch, a present from his grandmother, and not even