Down in the Zero

'Charm's been doing experiments. On kids. Your kids. The ones who come here for help. She's got a drug she thinks induces suicide. And she's managed to make sure half of the kids who come here get it. Double–blind experiments she's running. Now tell me…tell me she doesn't have access to them.'

'She…does. But I never— '

'No, I don't think you did either. You're in business, aren't you? You and Cherry. What's the tariff, doc? For a new face? For a new life?'

'It…varies.'

'I'll bet. You're down to two choices now. You live, or you die.'

'What do you want?' he whispered, his face so stark it looked X–rayed.

'The truth. Some cash. And silence. You put that on the table, you stay alive. And in business too, if that's what you want.'

'What do you want to know?'

'Charm was doing experiments?'

'Yes. With psychotropics. I knew about it. But she told me it was an antidepressant. Something she'd developed herself. She didn't want to go through the FDA maze— it takes too long, costs too much. You have to wait forever, to get human subjects. A real breakthrough, that's what she called it. We don't know very much about endogenous depression…depression from the inside. I thought— '

'How do they get it? The drug?'

'It's an injection. Intramuscular. One dose, five cc's.'

'And she gave it to them herself?'

'No. She doesn't come here. She…gave me the…material. And I did it.'

'And you kept records?'

'I didn't keep them. I turned my notes over to her. Every week. To a post office box. They were coded— nobody could know which…'

'Where is it?'

'What?'

'The drugs, Doctor. Where's your supply?'

'Right over there,' he said, pointing to a mini–refrigerator with a black face built into the bottom of the bookcase, right next to the VCR. 'It's…unstable. You need a fresh supply every couple of weeks. She just dropped some off, the day before yesterday.'

I moved over to the refrigerator, opened it up. It was full of those little cartons of fruit juice, the kind you pierce with a plastic straw. Two little bottles at the back, full of clear fluid, with flat rubber screw–on tops…for the hypodermic needle to draw through.

I pocketed the bottles. 'Did Cherry know?' I asked him.

'She knows Charm is…dangerous. Sociopathic. And she always suspected she might hurt Randy in some way. But she doesn't know about this…'

'How does she know…that Charm is crazy?'

'I told her. Charm never wanted me to treat her— she had her own agenda. Still, she wasn't a difficult case to diagnose. Classic. She doesn't see people as people— they're just objects to her. Things to be rearranged, like furniture.'

'Why did you let someone like her into your life? I mean, she's got some hanky–spanky films of you, so what? You're not running for office.'

'I told you…it's nothing like that. I first met her as a patient. She self–referred. I probably wouldn't have seen her personally, but Cherry asked me to. My profession is founded on secrecy— I figured it out— Cherry wanted to learn Charm's secrets…through me.'

'Did you?'

'Oh yes. At least I thought so. Charm is…capable of anything. Anything at all. She has no superego at all, no moral controls. She doesn't feel anything. Inside or out. Her pain threshold is incredible. I saw her once, right in this office, I saw her hold a finger over a burning match until I could smell the flesh burn. She never changed expression.'

'You were afraid of her?'

'Everybody's afraid of her. She is a person utterly without limits.'

'A lot of crazy— '

'Charm is not crazy, Mr. Burke. She's well oriented in all spheres; she has excellent reality contact. She's not psychotic…'

'Just dangerous.'

'Yes.'

'Dangerous enough to kill?'

He got up from his desk, walked in tight, agitated circles, dry–washing his hands. I watched his walk, timing my voice so it hit him as he circled just in front of me. 'You remember the tape I just showed you, doctor? Diagnosis is your business. The question for you isn't whether Charm's dangerous, it's whether the man I just showed you is. The man on the tape. There's only one way out for you now.'