Family Jewels (Dix Dodd Mystery #2)

“Are you going too, Big Eddie?” I asked innocently.

Eddie turned beet red. “No. Of course not.”

“Really?” Dylan scratched his head. He knotted his forehead. “When I was dusting around your place the other day, I saw all those suitcases out, half packed and stuff. So I thought you must be moving too.”

“No, kid,” Big Eddie said. “You’re mistaken. Now why don’t you just shut up and—”

“Oh, then you must be just taking a trip, eh, Big Eddie? I saw your passport out on the dinette table.”

“Just … doing some spring cleaning. Now shut the hell up, kid.”

As if on cue, Lance-a-Lot truck’s rumbled into the yard. The musical horn trumpeted his arrival. And despite the action going on right before the crowd at the Wildoh, more than a few people turned his way. Including me.

Speedos? Check.

Mesh ball-gathering bag dangling down? Yep.

Grin? Check.

Swagger? Oh yeah.

Oh, yes, the boy arched his back, and strutted his stuff before he dived into the lake to do his ball gathering work. Even Noel Almond sat up a little bit straighter as Lance dove under the water’s surface.

Right on cue, Big Eddie said, “Now, what’s that boy got that I haven’t got?”

“Nothing, Big Eddie,” I said. “At least, not yet.”

That sent a few eyebrows soaring. Everyone looked to me to see what I’d say next.

“Let them have it, Dix,” my mother said.

She smiled at me, and I had to smile back. “Damn right, Mother.”

Just like the other day, all eyes were on me. But unlike the other day, this time I had it all figured out. I hoped.

“Well, Big Eddie,” I said. “I’m surprised to hear that you’re not taking a trip.”

“Why’s that?” he asked cautiously.

I huffed. “A man who works as hard as you do — day in and day out. Taking charge. Making sure all runs smoothly. Why, even those golf lessons of yours must be exhausting. I just thought you’d probably be ready for a vacation. Some downtime.”

“I’m good, Dodd. Thanks for your concern.”

I threw my head back and laughed. Not because it was that funny but because I wanted to sound bitchy. “Concern? My only concern as of late, Eddie, is you getting away before I could prove my mother’s innocence and your guilt. Before I could figure out who your accomplice was. But I don’t have that concern anymore. I’m good.”

There were murmurs of “Oh shit”, “Here we go again”, and even a “What’s that girl smoking?” from the crowd. I really couldn’t hold it against them. After all, we’d been here before with the big — and unfortunately anticlimactic — reveal. Who could blame them? But this time, it would be different.

My eyes raked the crowd.”Most of you believe me to be Dix Dodd, erotica writer, but I’m not. That’s just my cover. I asked Mother to tell you that so I could join you unawares.”

“Our under-wares?” Beth Mary asked, looking bewildered.

“No, she said unawares,” someone said.

“I wear boxers,” Roger volunteered.

Veronica touched his arm. “As long as the waistband holds, I think you’re okay.”

“No,” I said. “Unawares. As in you didn’t know my real occupation. In reality….” I paused dramatically, “I’m Dix Dodd, private detective.”

Da-da-da-daaaaaaaahhhhhhh!

Okay, no one exclaimed shock or surprise, but they had to have felt some.

Tough audience.

I cleared my throat. “I got a fax from Deputy Almond a few days ago advising that my mother was in trouble. Advising that she was a suspect in these thefts, as well as in the disappearance of Frankie Morell. In order to keep everyone off their guard while I investigated, I posed as an erotica writer.”

“Poorly.” Tish sniffed. “I knew all along you couldn’t write that stuff.”

Okay, I should have let that go.

Of course, I couldn’t.

“Really?” I smiled sweetly at Tish while my mind raced. I had to make this good. “I guess I didn’t tell you the right story. Maybe I should have told the one about the woman who has been lusting after the handsome young handy man … I mean gardener, who is tall and dark and has the most amazing hands. And then one night, the gardener lets himself into her house when she’s there all alone, and the two of them pretend he’s a complete stranger who has invaded her house and she’s totally at his mercy and has to do everything he wants. Everything. No matter how depraved. Except everything he wants is everything she’s been fantasizing about. And then he pushes her up against a wall and makes her watch in the mirror as he—”

Dylan coughed. “Um, Dix….”

I blinked, coming back to reality. Tish stood there, her mouth hanging open. Actually, everyone’s mouth was pretty much hanging open. Roger adjusted his boxers.

“Sorry. Got a little off track there for a moment, didn’t I?” I began pacing as I talked so the crowd would have to visually follow me. “Anyway, getting back to the mystery, I was going to say that it took me awhile to figure things out. Much longer than it should have. And do you know why it took me so long?”

“You’re stupid?” Tish suggested.

“You’re drunk!” Beth Mary clapped her hands as she answered.

“No, that’s not it,” Mrs. P answered. “It was the hormones. That’s what got in the way wasn’t it, Dix? Just like I said all along.”

“You were right, Mrs. Presley.” I smiled at her. “Yeah, it was the hormones getting in the way, fogging my good judgment.

Ever so pleased, Mrs. P leaned back further on her chair.

Everyone looked lost at this point, except for Mother, Dylan and Mrs. P. But some looked less lost than others. Noel Almond was listening a little more intently.

“I turn you on that much, Dix?” Big Eddie laughed, but it was nervous laughter. “Got you all flustered into thinking I was the crook? Well, wouldn’t be the first time I’d turned a lady’s head. Ha, ha.”

“Nothing turned on here, Eddie,” I assured him. I thought of saying my stomach was turning, but that would be just plain mean. “Except for my stomach turning a little.” Sometimes, I’m just plain mean. “But my point is, I’m still absolutely certain you’re the thief. More so now than ever. The powder on your hands the one day, the sticky stuff on them the next. The little charm that could so easily be used as a lock pick. That was brilliant, by the way, picking the locks. Anyone investigating would ask, ‘Why would anyone pick a lock if they have the keys?’ That would effectively dismiss you as a suspect. Oh, and then there is the matter of my mother’s stolen watch.”

“I … I told you, Dix,” Mona ventured. “Eddie was with me the night Katt’s watch went missing.”

“I know you did, Mona. You provided him with the perfect alibi. But it wasn’t Eddie who took the watch. It was—”

Eddie sighed loudly. “Look Dodd, we’ve been over all that.” He sat back a little easier. “I thought you had something new to tell us. Same old same old. You want Deputy Almond and his boys to search the place again? Is that what you want?” He looked at Almond, looking for the Deputy to return his rolled-eyed look. Almond didn’t. Big Eddie shifted his attention back to me. “You didn’t find anything before, but go ahead and look again if you want. You won’t find anything here. Not on me. I can guarantee you that.”

“Not even a pocket full of sand, Eddie?”

“Sand?” he asked.

“Sand?” Almond said. He was all ears now. “What about the sand, Dix?”

I saw that I was somewhat losing the crowd, not the least reason being that Lance-a-Lot was strutting his stuff out of the water, swaying those hips, slicking his hair back. Sun glinted off the bag of white balls he carried and glinted off his sun-kissed chest. Did I mention today’s Speedos were yellow? Sun was glinting down there too.

“Sand is used to make mortar, Eddie,” I said. “A sealing agent. Sand, lime, water makes mortar. The powder