'I am going to kiss Miss Stoker and take care that Chuffy sees me do it.'
'Really, sir, I should not advocate ...'
'Peace, Jeeves. I have got the whole thing taped out. It came to me in a flash, as we were talking. After lunch, I shall draw Miss Stoker aside to this seat. You will arrange that Chuffy follows her. Waiting till I see the whites of his eyes, I shall fold her in a close embrace. If that doesn't work, nothing will.'
'I consider that you would be taking a decided risk, sir. His lordship is in a highly emotional condition.'
'Well, a Wooster can put up with a punch in the eye for the sake of a pal. No, Jeeves, I desire no further discussion. The thing is settled. All that remains is to fix the times. I suppose lunch would be over by about two- thirty.... Incidentally, I'm not going in to lunch myself
'No, sir?'
'No. I cannot face that gang. I shall remain out here. Bring me some sandwiches and a half-bot of the best.'
'Very good, sir.'
'And, by the way, the French windows of the dining-room will be open in weather like this. Sneak near them from time to time during lunch and bend an ear. Something of importance might be said.'
'Very good, sir.'
'Put plenty of mustard on the sandwiches.'
'Very good, sir.'
'And at two-thirty inform Miss Stoker that I would like a word with her. And at two-thirty-one inform Lord Chuffnell that she would like a word with him. The rest you can leave to me.'
'Very good, sir.'
6 COMPLICATIONS SET IN
There was a fairly longish interval before Jeeves returned with the foodstuffs. I threw myself on them with some abandon.
'You've been the dickens of a time.'
'I followed your instructions, sir, and listened at the dining-room window.'
'Oh? With what result?'
'I was not able to hear anything that gave an indication of Mr Stoker's views regarding the purchase of the house, but he appeared in affable mood.'
'That's promising. Full of sparkle, eh?'
'Yes, sir. He was inviting all those present to a party on his yacht.'
'He's staying on here, then?'
'For some little time, I gathered, sir. Apparently something has gone wrong with the propeller of the vessel.'
'He probably gave it one of his looks. And this party?'
'It appears that it is Master Dwight Stoker's birthday to-morrow, sir. The party, I gathered, was to be in celebration of the event.'
'And was the suggestion well received?'
'Extremely, sir. Though Master Seabury appeared to experience a certain chagrin at Master Dwight's somewhat arrogant assertion that he betted this was the first time that Master Seabury had ever so much as smelled a yacht.'
'What did he say?'
'He retorted that he had been on millions of yachts. Indeed, if I am not mistaken, trillions was the word he employed.'
'And then?'
'From a peculiar noise which he made with his mouth, I received the impression that Master Dwight was sceptical concerning this claim. But at this moment Mr Stoker threw oil upon the troubled waters by announcing his intention of hiring the troupe of negro minstrels to perform at the party. It appears that his lordship had mentioned their presence in Chuffnell Regis.'
'And that went well?'
'Very well, indeed, sir. Except that Master Seabury said that he betted Master Dwight had never heard negro minstrels before. From a remark passed shortly afterwards by her ladyship, I gathered that Master Dwight had then thrown a potato at Master Seabury; and for a while a certain unpleasantness seemed to threaten.'
I clicked my tongue.
'I wish somebody would muzzle those kids and chain them up. They'll queer the whole thing.'
'The imbroglio was fortunately short-lived, sir. I left the whole company on what appeared to be the most amicable terms. Master Dwight protested that his hand had slipped, and the apology was gracefully received.'
'Well, bustle back and see if you can hear some more.'
'Very good, sir.'
I finished my sandwiches and half-bot, and lit a cigarette, wishing that I had told Jeeves to bring me some coffee. But you don't have to tell Jeeves things like that. In due course, up he rolled with the steaming cupful.
'Luncheon has just concluded, sir.'
'Ah! Did you see Miss Stoker?'
'Yes, sir. I informed her that you desired a word with her, and she will be here shortly.'
'Why not now?'
'His lordship engaged her in conversation immediately after I had given her your message.'
'Had you told him to come here, too?'
'Yes, sir.'
'No good, Jeeves. I see a flaw. They will arrive together.'
'No, sir. On observing his lordship making in this direction, I can easily detain him for a moment on some matter.'
'Such as—?'
'I have long been desirous of canvassing his lordship's views as to the desirability of purchasing some new socks.'
'H'm! You know what you are when you get on to the subject of socks, Jeeves. Don't get carried away and keep him talking for an hour. I want to get this thing over.'
'I quite understand, sir.'
'When did you see Miss Stoker?'
'About a quarter of an hour ago, sir.'
'Funny, she doesn't turn up. I wonder what they're talking about?'
'I could not say, sir.'
'Ah!'
I had observed a gleam of white among the bushes. The next moment, the girl appeared. She was looking more beautiful than ever, her eyes, in particular, shining like twin stars. Nevertheless, I did not waver in my view that I was jolly glad it was Chuffy who, if all went well, was going to marry her, and not me. Odd, how a girl may be a perfect knock-out, and yet one can still feel that to be married to her would give one the absolute pip. That's Life, I suppose.
'Hallo, Bertie,' said Pauline. 'What's all this about your having a headache? You seem to have been doing yourself pretty well, in spite of it.'
'I found I could peck a bit. You had better take these things back, Jeeves.'
'Very good, sir.'
'And you won't forget that, if his lordship should want me, I'm here.'
'No, sir.'
He gathered up the plate, cup and bottle and disappeared. And whether I was sorry to see him go or not, I couldn't have said. I was feeling a good deal worked up. Taut, if you know what I mean. On edge. Tense. The best idea I can give you of my emotions at this juncture is to say that they rather resembled those I had once felt when
