Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality

The others did not follow him.

'Carl,' one of them said, swallowing. 'Maybe we should go.'

'They say you're going to be the next Dark Lord,' the ringleader said, staring at Harry.

A grin crossed Harry Potter's face. 'They also say I'm secretly betrothed to Ginevra Weasley and there's a prophecy about us conquering France.' The smile faded. 'Since you're determined to force the issue, Mr. Carl Sloper, let me make things clear. Leave Lesath alone. I will know if you don't.'

'So Lessy snarked to you,' said the ringleader coldly.

'Sure,' said Harry Potter dryly, 'and he also told me what you did today after you left Charms class, in a private secluded place where no one could see you, with a certain Hufflepuff girl wearing a white ribbon in her hair -'

The ringleader's jaw dropped in shock.

'Eep,' said one of the other Gryffindors in a high-pitched voice, and spun on his heels and ran around the corner. His footsteps rapidly pattered away and faded.

And then there were six.

'Ah,' said Harry Potter, 'there goes a slightly intelligent young man. The rest of you could stand to learn from Bertram Kirke's example, before you get into, shall we say, trouble.'

'Are you threatening to snark on us?' said the handsome Gryffindor, his voice trying to be angry, and rather wavering. 'Bad things happen to snarkers.'

The other two Gryffindors started slowly moving back.

Harry Potter started laughing. 'Oh, you did not just say that. Are you really trying to intimidate me? Me? Now honestly, do you think you're scarier than Peregrine Derrick, Severus Snape or for that matter You-Know-Who?'

Even the ringleader flinched at that.

Harry Potter raised his hand, fingers poised, and all three of the Gryffindors leaped backward, and one of them blurted 'Don't - !'

'See,' said Harry Potter, 'this is where I snap my fingers and you become part of a hilariously amusing story that will be told with much nervous laughter at dinner tonight. But the thing is, people I trust keep telling me not to do that. Professor McGonagall told me I was taking the easy way out of everything and Professor Quirrell says I need to learn how to lose. So you remember that story where I let myself get beaten up by some older Slytherins? We could do that. You could bully me for a while and I could let you. Only you remember that part at the end where I tell my many, many friends inside this school not to do anything about it? This time we'll skip that part. So go ahead. Bully me.'

Harry Potter stepped forward, his arms opened wide in invitation.

The three Gryffindors broke and ran, and Neville had to sidestep quickly to avoid getting run over.

There was silence, as their footsteps faded, and then more silence after that.

And then there were three.

Harry Potter drew a deep breath, then exhaled. 'Whew,' he said. 'How are you doing, Neville?'

Neville's voice came out in a high-pitched squeak. 'Okay, that was really cool.'

A grin flashed across Harry Potter's face. 'You were pretty cool too, you know.'

Neville knew that Harry Potter was just saying that, trying to make him feel good, and it still started a warm glow inside his chest.

Harry turned toward Lesath Lestrange -

'Are you okay, Lestrange?' said Neville before Harry could open his mouth.

Now there was something you didn't expect to find yourself saying, ever.

Lesath Lestrange turned slowly, and stared at Neville, his face tight, no longer crying, tears glistening as they dried.

'You think you know how it is?' said Lesath, his voice high and shaking. 'You think you know? My parents are in Azkaban, I try not to think about it and they always remind me, they think it's great that Mother is there in the cold and the dark with the Dementors sucking away her life, I wish I was like Harry Potter, at least his parents aren't hurting, my parents are always hurting, every second of every day, I wish I was like you, at least you can see your parents sometimes, at least you know they loved you, if Mother ever loved me the Dementors will have eaten that thought by now -'

Neville's eyes were wide with shock. He hadn't expected this.

Lesath turned to Harry Potter, whose eyes were full of horror.

Lesath flung himself on the floor in front of Harry Potter, touched his forehead to the ground, and whispered, 'Help me, Lord.'

There was an awful silence. Neville couldn't think of a single thing to say, and from the naked shock on Harry's face, he couldn't think of anything either.

'They say you can do anything, please, please my Lord, get my parents out of Azkaban, I'll be your loyal servant forever, my life will be yours and my death as well, only please -'

'Lesath,' Harry said, his voice breaking, 'Lesath, I can't, I can't really do things like that, it's all just stupid tricks.'

'It's not!' said Lesath, his voice high and desperate. 'I saw it, the stories are true, you can!'