Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality

Harry swallowed. 'Lesath, I set the whole thing up with Neville, we planned it all out in advance, ask him!'

They had, though Harry hadn't said how he was going to do any of it...

When Lesath looked up from the floor his face was ghastly, and his voice came out in a shriek that hurt Neville's ears. 'You son of a mudblood! You could get her out, you just won't! I got down on my knees and begged you and you still won't help! I should have known, you're the Boy-Who-Lived, you think she belongs there!'

'I can't!' Harry said, his voice as desperate as Lesath's. 'It's not a question of what I want, I don't have the power!'

Lesath rose to his feet, and spat on the floor in front of Harry, and then turned and walked away. When he was around the corner the sound of his feet sped up, and as they faded Neville thought he heard a single sob.

And then there were two.

Neville looked at Harry.

Harry looked at Neville.

'Wow,' Neville said quietly. 'He didn't seem very grateful for being rescued.'

'He thought I could help him,' Harry said, his voice hoarse. 'He had hope for the first time in years.'

Neville swallowed, and said it. 'I'm sorry.'

'Wha?' said Harry, sounding totally confused.

'I wasn't grateful when you helped me -'

'Every single thing you said before was completely right,' said the Boy-Who-Lived.

'No,' Neville said, 'it wasn't.'

They simultaneously gave brief sad smiles, each condescending to the other.

'I know this wasn't real,' said Neville, 'I know I couldn't have done anything if you hadn't been here, but thanks for letting me pretend.'

'Give me a break,' said Harry.

Harry had turned from Neville, and was staring out the window at the gloomy clouds.

A completely ridiculous thought came to Neville. 'Are you feeling guilty because you can't get Lesath's parents out of Azkaban?'

'No,' said Harry.

A few seconds went by.

'Yes,' said Harry.

'You're silly,' said Neville.

'I am aware of this,' said Harry.

'Do you have to do literally anything anyone asks you?'

The Boy-Who-Lived turned back and looked at Neville again. 'Do? No. Feel guilty about not doing? Yes.'

Neville was having trouble finding words. 'Once the Dark Lord died, Bellatrix Black was literally the most evil person in the entire world and that was before she went to Azkaban. She tortured my mother and father into insanity because she wanted to find out what happened to the Dark Lord -'

'I know,' Harry said quietly. 'I get that, but -'

'No! You don't! She had a reason for doing that, and my parents were both Aurors! It's not even close to the worst thing she's ever done!' Neville's voice was shaking.

'Even so,' said the Boy-Who-Lived, his eyes distant as they stared off into somewhere else, some other place that Neville couldn't imagine. 'There might be some incredibly clever solution that makes it possible to save everyone and let them all live happily ever after, and if only I was smart enough I would have thought of it by now -'

'You have problems,' said Neville. 'You think you ought to be what Lesath Lestrange thinks you are.'

'Yeah,' said the Boy-Who-Lived, 'that pretty much nails it. Every time someone cries out in prayer and I can't answer, I feel guilty about not being God.'

Neville didn't quite understand that, but... 'That doesn't sound good.'

Harry sighed. 'I understand that I have a problem, and I know what I need to do to solve it, all right? I'm working on it.'

Harry watched Neville leave.

Of course Harry hadn't said what the solution was.

The solution, obviously, was to hurry up and become God.

Neville's footsteps moved off, and soon could no longer be heard.

And then there was one.

'Ahem,' said Severus Snape's voice from directly behind him.

Harry let out a small scream and instantly hated himself.